Did you ever imagine you would actually transiton growing up

[stephaniec]

I've thought about my entire life , but never thought I would actually be able to attain Hormones much less come close to GRS. I remember in grade school and high school I would dream of being like Christine Jorgensen. It was during puberty  my imagination exploded with thoughts of being a woman , but I never believed I'd actually be doing it. It was terrible all my life was torchor  about changing into a woman , but I never would of believed I'd actually do it or be able to do it, But I proved myself wrong.

[KyleeKrow]

I think I was just more ignorant to the fact that I COULD transition and had a choice in the matter. As soon as I started doing research, I started working towards transitioning. But I certainly remember wishing a lot that I had a female body.

[Obfuskatie]

As a kid, I didn't exactly understand that I was trans, I just felt different. It wasn't until I went to undergrad that I began to figure all of it out. I still can't believe that I'm as far in my transition as I am. I'm very thankful to have been able to survive and be happy through it.

It bewilders and frustrates my boyfriend when I happy-cry. But I never thought I'd find someone who could really see me, if that makes any sense. I've spent way too much time not expecting anything good, it can be pretty overwhelming when I get it anyway.

I think we tend to think, "the world as we know it will end," if we come out or transition or whatever. We think of what it will do to everyone else, as well as how we might become lonelier. With accepting family and friends, or a found family and friends, it's no longer true.

For me, telling people important to me was pretty anticlimactic, I mean apart from the abusive ex. I'd say the harder step was embracing myself and not cringing when people say stupid things to me.

But eventually, someday, it'll be "what now?" Instead of "what's next?" When I'm ostensibly done with surgery planning and upkeep is the new normal, I will be able to breathe and relax, and find a new thing to focus on. At least I know my boyfriend will distract me so I don't obsess too much about the barely visible finish-line in the distance.

     Hugs,
- Katie
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[HappyMoni]

I pinch myself every day. I can't believe I have done what I have already. I can't believe I am living my dream in one week. Life before knowing I was trans was one long period of self discomfort. When I realized I was trans, life became an unstoppable freight train that I am powerless to stop. (Not that I want to.)
Great question Stephanie!
Moni

[stephaniec]

for me it was mostly ignorance of the process. All  I knew was Christine Jorgensen who had to go to Denmark to get it. I just had no idea how to deal with situation other then buy time by dressing up which just led to more frustration because what I needed was hormones.If only I new how easy it turned out to be, but the period of time I grew up didn't make it easy. I've been through a lot of therapy , but this option was never shown to me.

[alex82]

The thought horrified me, even though a neighbour was a well known transsexual media personality and had been since having the op in 50s Casablanca. I put all my efforts into being a very androgynous (towards female) person instead. If the Internet had been big then, yes I might've taken steps as a teen - I was always quite bloody minded - first one in my 800 year old school to be exempted from field games and gym, because I could no longer bear the boys locker rooms etc.

And it was killing my love of swimming for obvious reasons. I asked if I could continue cross country and athletics, because I was really good at those - and they said it's all or nothing. So I said fine, it'll have to be nothing, and they gave me my opt out.

I remember saying to myself at 15, you can probably go to 25 or 30 and see how you feel then.

Of course I already knew, had done since I was 4. But I was sexually assaulted at 23 and living abroad - and immediately burned what I was wearing, left letters for my boss and landlord saying goodbye, went to the airport, and paid a stupid amount of money (day before Christmas Eve) for the first seat they had on the first flight back to London. I was so relieved to feel the plane touchdown at a very rainy Heathrow.

So the after effects of that, PTSD, took years away from me, and I might realistically have had a clear enough head to do it then or thereabouts had that not happened.

I always hoped I wouldn't have to, while knowing really that I would.

[Obfuskatie]

The thought horrified me. I put all my efforts into being a very androgynous (towards female) person instead. If the Internet had been big then, yes I might've taken steps as a teen - I was always quite bloody minded - first one in my 800 year old school to be exempted from field games and gym, because I could no longer bear the boys locker rooms etc.

And it was killing my love of swimming for obvious reasons. I asked if I could continue cross country and athletics, because I was really good at those - and they said it's all or nothing. So I said fine, it'll have to be nothing, and they gave me my opt out.

I remember saying to myself at 15, you can probably go to 25 or 30 and see how you feel then.

Of course I already knew, had done since I was 4. But I was sexually assaulted at 23 and living abroad - and immediately burned what I was wearing, left letters for my boss and landlord saying goodbye, went to the airport, and paid a stupid amount of money (day before Christmas Eve) for the first seat they had on the first flight back to London. I was so relieved to feel the plane touchdown at a very rainy Heathrow.

So the after effects of that, PTSD, took years away from me, and I might realistically have had a clear enough head to do it then or thereabouts had that not happened.

I always hoped I wouldn't have to, while knowing really that I would.

I'm so sorry you went through that. My ex raped me, among other abuse, and it took me almost 10 years to process it and get back on track with coming out and transition. I still suffer from PTSD, and I don't think it will go away completely, especially since I no longer have my rose colored glasses. But it started getting better after I started talking to people about it and got the help I needed to get through the worst of it.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[alex82]

I'm so sorry you went through that. My ex raped me, among other abuse, and it took me almost 10 years to process it and get back on track with coming out and transition. I still suffer from PTSD, and I don't think it will go away completely, especially since I no longer have my rose colored glasses. But it started getting better after I started talking to people about it and got the help I needed to get through the worst of it.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks Katie,

It's no gift that's for sure! No, it never does totally go away, but after trying several things I saw a fantastic woman last year whose technique was you talking about it, over and over, including all those little details, no escape, and where i then wanted to take my life. So, on the 23rd December last year, I marked my decade 'anniversary' with some champagne - when it was exactly 2.20am in the time zone it had happened in, and I knew then I had a real handle on it, because I felt OK when I'd expected it to be major. And so, yeah, where to now!

I'm sorry about your experience. I think of all the marks that kind of thing leaves, the worst are that it robs you of time when you should be getting on with life, and it throws your ability to plan and make effective decisions down the toilet.

Love to you, hoping for positive advances for you X

[Michelle_P]

I'm so sorry you both had such unpleasant experiences.  That's a terrible violation of self.

Back to Stephanie's question, I remember reading "Myra Brekenridge", by Gore Vidal way back then, and thinking that would be neat, but I'd rather not be crazy. (Like the story character.). I repressed it til I met a transwoman who was interviewing for a job on my team, when the thought popped into my head, "Gosh, I wish I was brave enough to do that." Wait, what?  Sneaky subconscious...

I thought I'd never do it, and could keep it repressed for the rest of my life.  Well, that was a big pile of "Nope!"  Hello, Michelle!

[V M]

In early childhood I had no clue, I actually thought that I was a girl and that I would grow up to be just like my mom and two sisters

But then came the fateful and rather hurtful day when my my mom was giving my sisters and I a bath together and my sisters began to make fun of me and pointed out that I was different from them

From then on I was made to bathe alone and because my parents were having marital problems I was having man hater stuff thrown at me and oddly enough I was also told fairly regularly that "We're going to make a man out of you"

So there I was, a rather scrawny kid who was picked on at school, church and at home as well

Half the time I felt like an indentured slave of sorts

So I would often venture off elsewhere after school

Eventually my mom got remarried and my step dad began teaching to stand up for myself and the martial arts he had learned in Vietnam

Influenced by this I went on other adventures that shall not be discussed other than befriending several Marine Corps and Navel personnel and visiting rather interesting places to collect the scares of getting shot, stabbed, and surviving explosions 

All this time while being out to prove what a man I was, the feeling of being a woman still played in my mind

Finally in my 40's I decided to go for it

So here I am

[cheryl reeves]

I knew what I was at 10yrs when I came across transexual porn magazines,I thought of myself as a freak and it got worse by the time I was 14yrs and didn't pay much attention to my chest til one day in the boys locker rm and the fight was on,got 2 days home and 1 day. In a brkfst club atmosphere class where we either brought reading material or homework to do.  I never seem to fit in anywhere.

[Jean24]

No I had no clue. I had no exposure to transgender people prior to age 10 and all I saw was part of a discovery channel documentary which I was too young to understand. I believe it was about ->-bleeped-<-s and maybe a few intersex people.

I knew when I was five, dysphoria got pretty bad as a teen, and I didn't even come out till I was 25. I have a huge amount of regret over this.

[kaitylynn]

I thought about it all the time when I was a kid, but not as a medical procedure.  I looked to the gender faerie, prayer, wishes...but did not even understand what made me, me.

When I finally found out about transsexualism, I was in my early 20's and I knew that one day, I would be on my path.  The only part I did not know in my infancy is what steps I would take to align everything.  I really did not have a clear view of what "transition' meant, so androgyny and neutrality were my early goals.

I am so grateful to be able work myself in to my true self.

[stephaniec]

I've been practicing all my life, but just got the chance recently.

[Petti]

I never know what transition proper was until I got a bit older. There was no internet and trans stuff was like ultra taboo even more than now. It was just more of wanting to be rid of my male characteristics or sometimes I would simulate what I took to be feminine behavior. For instance I would use scotch tape to make fake nails, or puff my belly out real hard and say "I'm pregnant." This stuff was all suppressed in me by parents and society in general so I just stayed in boymode as best I could and so for a long while I just ignored it all assuming that there was no way of transitioning.

[2cherry]

No, I would never guessed that. I think there is a time and space for everything, and everyone grows and develops at a different pace.

[DawnOday]

I prayed daily that somehow I would be transformed into the girl of my dreams. When that didn't happen, I married her. Unfortunately I couldn't keep the urges  at bay and ended up dressing while she was at work.  Most people would say. You have a beautiful, athletic, brilliant wife who likes sex, why would you do anything to destroy that relationship. After 37 years I finally have an answer that makes sense. DES it's more than a coincidence.

[roseyfox]

I planned it out and ya know who and how i was going to do it. I told everyone in my family if they didn't like to go away that they arn't worth my time. Primary my dad and little sister hate me but i don't care they are not family to me.

[stephaniec]

yea, it's a sad reality

[Snöfrost]

No. I never heard about transgender/transsexuality when I was growing up. I heard once that there was people who's done sex change, but I thought that only millionaires who could afford the surgery.