The Sunshine and The Darkness

[bobbisue]

First the sunshine I went to my first pride event yesterday I went with my daughter grand daughter and grandson who is the other trans person in the family we saw and walked in the parade i soon lost my nervousness and truly enjoyed the time I also met up with a friend from here it was so good to see her again we chatted and she introduced to several members of our community  I felt as if i finally belonged in a group of people who were not my family  i got a few great compliments on my outfit and was gendered correctly it was great now i know why we make such a big deal about it  it is so affirming
I plan to go again and again i had fretted about this for months but with the support of my wife, family and friends it was only amazing and a lot of worrying about nothing


Now the darkness last night i awoke and was looking into a dark dungeon it was a black place darker than any night there was something hidden in the darkness i strained to what it was and finally realized it was me the real me hiding in the darkness  afraid of the dark and wanting to come into the light but lost and afraid to come out but now I have seen the sunshine it is not so dark and not so scary and some day i will be able to live in the sunshine

Thank you everyone for listening

bobbisue

[Kelly Girl]

First the sunshine I went to my first pride event yesterday I went with my daughter grand daughter and grandson who is the other trans person in the family we saw and walked in the parade i soon lost my nervousness and truly enjoyed the time I also met up with a friend from here it was so good to see her again we chatted and she introduced to several members of our community  I felt as if i finally belonged in a group of people who were not my family  i got a few great compliments on my outfit and was gendered correctly it was great now i know why we make such a big deal about it  it is so affirming
I plan to go again and again i had fretted about this for months but with the support of my wife, family and friends it was only amazing and a lot of worrying about nothing


Now the darkness last night i awoke and was looking into a dark dungeon it was a black place darker than any night there was something hidden in the darkness i strained to what it was and finally realized it was me the real me hiding in the darkness  afraid of the dark and wanting to come into the light but lost and afraid to come out but now I have seen the sunshine it is not so dark and not so scary and some day i will be able to live in the sunshine

Thank you everyone for listening

bobbisue

Love that story Bobbisue !
I cuncur , those times we show up for things , scared and shaking like a frightened baby deer in the tall grass .
Then , were OUT , were seen , we get strong from it , then we blossom in the moment , its amazing . Frightening but amazing :-)
It happens to me often , all the effort going out , facing the insecurities , the FEAR . Then the Roller Coaster ride from bliss of those moments , to wake up the next day , and feel the Darkness , the fear the doubt .
Mmmmmmmmm , I get it . But we did it , we learned , we grew , and we'll do it again , because we know someday that whole process is going to turn into a one way only process of being in the Light always with ourselves , no darkness , no doubts . Its a journey , a fabulous one :-)
Thanks for sharing .
Kelly Girl out

[CarlyMcx]

Bobbisue, twenty months ago I was in that same dark place.  After ten years of panic attacks I came to realize that there was a badly frightened girl hiding in the dark recesses of my mind -- and that she had been there all my life, and that she was me.

It took six months to figure out how to come out to my wife, and a year of dressing at home before I went in for therapy, and another month after that before I started hormones.   And I now attend a transgender support group once a week, and my wife goes with me once a month.

At that point, twenty months ago, I never dreamed that I would one day be where I am now.  My wife still does not want me to be fully publicly out, but she keeps loosening up the restrictions every time she sees that what is happening is necessary to my well being -- and makes me happy.

It has taken a long time to get here.  It has been a lot of baby steps down a hard road.  But every step gets easier.  Because I know it is the road to happiness.

[kylie1]

Lovely story Bobbisue!  And great responses!
      I feel like I'll never be there but I've been taking baby steps.  I've been wearing womans jeans, panties and womans shorts around town and out to dinner etc.  I'm sure people notice but won't say anything considering I'm a gentle woman in a giant man body. :/