Just got out of the suicide ward and have a tale to spin

[stephaniec]

I've been in the Psyche ward the last week and wow, I've got a post to post . Sorry right now I'm on my way to my LGBT clinic fresh fron a beautiful stay in a psych ward in the boonies .I'll have to fill in the experience latter, but suffice to say as a person who likes to post news stories of us trans, I've just experience one hell of a nasty experience with a transphobe psychiatrist who had the power to deny me my freedom and I am one pissed off little trany.

[cheryl reeves]

This is why I stay away from psychiatrists..Be waiting to hear your story.

[RobynD]

Glad your back and still with us. Sorry about the crappy doctor. Unfortunately jerks exist even positions that are supposed to be caregiving.

[Sarah leah]

Be safe and be sure to keep us updated on your situation.

[stephaniec]

yea, I will, it wasn't a good experience.

[stephaniec]

Well. I won't go into the gory details of what led up to my predicament  it's a long story. I was given the usaul 10 day notice and given a number of events and certain people involved in my life and their responses to my unfortunate predicament , I chose this path. This path brought me to the brink of ultimate despair . I reached out for help from shelters in my area and my therapist. Given the reality of the moment of being on the street or going to the emergency room I chose the emergency room because all the people I reached out to pointed that path to at least find possible options.I was in bad shape because of the approaching black void. I went to the hospital and it was decided I should go into the suicide prevention program. There was no room at my hospital so they sent me to a hospital way out . Same program that I went through when I lost my job of 20 years, different hospital. The first night there I spent a very nice time talking to the nurse on duty at 1 in the morning and  admitted me to the hospital which at first I thought they were puting me in a nursing, but when daylight came I saw it was a hospital.So I'm alright , got a place to eat and sleep, but when I realized I'm locked in and subject to the judgement of others as to my freedom given back to me, I started to freak.My core issue was getting off the street immediately  and staying off the street. I was hoping for resources and places to help with affordable housing. I've been through this program at a different hospital 3 years ago  and let them experiment with their anti psychotic   and antidepressants which led to the realization these medications are have a very counterproductive effect on my.brain I do have the same therapist I have  that I got as an after care that was provided when I left the 6 week partial hospitalization program which was a continuation of the hospitalization from the previous episode of suicide prevention.  So here is where the core issue starts the first appointment with the psychiatrist who is treating to ultimately determine my length of stay and treatment. I know what my problem is which is to stay off the street.The depression is an exclusive product of this need to stay off the street. The first meeting started with misgendering, up until this time all the nurses were using my preferred  name , but some seemed  torchered   by the fact that I was being my true self, but that might of been my perception..So I tell him I'm transgender which is pretty obvious because I have a dress on and some beard growth. So I'm getting depressed because I'm afraid I'm dealing with a transphobe who has the power to determine my fate.I let it go seeing it was the first meeting. We meet again and I was somewhat shocked that he started playing his little transphobe game again pointing to his list of patients and saying he doesn't see any  Stephanie he only sees Steve. Now I'm in shock because a 50 something medical doctor who is in charge of my treatment where my freedom is restricted seems to be purposely  mis gendering me. So now I totally freaked because for quite some time the medical professionals I'm come in contact with have been very accepting at least on the surface. So I call my regular therapist and tell her that this guy is treating me wrong, especially given the fact that I am trans and I'm in a suicide ward at a hospital. She said she'd look into it. The third meeting He genders me proper , but starts accusing  me of threatening him. Prior to this meeting my therapist had talked to the social worker working on my case at this hospital and before the third meeting she had talked to me about this and said she would accompany me into the third meeting. I had told her that if this ass wipe didn't stop I would talk to the laywers at the health clinic That's my primary care place and see what I could do to stop it. I was quite pissed by this time. For a medical doctor to be playing games with a possible suicidal patient is wrong at all levels. The doctor also comes from a culture where not only common society does't accept trans , but the medical profession does't.Now, I'm sitting across from him with the social working stepping in to defend me and him saying I'm threatening him. I told him I wasn't going to argue , I just wanted out of there. So luckily I had some help from my therapist and the social worker. On top of this garbage transphobia he kept on thrying to give me antidepressants even after each time he tried I told him I was refusing and that wasn't going to change . He had the nurse try to give me this medication every morning even after telling her that wasn't going to happen and even telling me  before that he wasn't going to force me to take them.

[Randi]

There are many programs for housing support that don't rely on the medical model.
Google "Home at Last", "Housing First" "Rapid re-housing", "SSVF"  (Supportive Services for Veteran Families).

In recent years, agencies have discovered that it's cheaper to simply provide assistance in obtaining an apartment than paying for hospitals or jails.  This is usually funded by grants to local organizations, so you will need to find your local agency.

Like you, I am a veteran.  When I visit the local VA clinic one of the questions they always ask is whether I am homeless or feel in danger of becoming homeless. 
http://www.va.gov/homeless/for_homeless_veterans.asp

You don't need to be mentally ill to qualify for housing help.

Best Wishes,

Randi

[stephaniec]

the social worker gave me a place for trans and disabled  people that looks good. I'm going to go there and the ymca here in Evanston is very reasonable , I'm going there today.

[stephaniec]

I also  had problems with the medical doctor about the dosage of spiro. I was lucky that I took my E shot before I went to the emergency room.I take it once a week so I was out of there when I needed it. The doctor would only give me a quarter of the dose I normally take for spiro. I've been on a 4 times higher does for 3 years under my primary care doctor. I didn't fight it because of the planed short stay , but it was insult upon injury from the transphobe psychiatrist . I go to a very respected clinic that focuses on the LGBT community.The psychiatrist didn't even know the clinic even though it's the only one that directly serves the community in Chicago and the suburbs The social worker who sat with me had to explain the importance of my health clinic to the psychiatrist.

[Wynternight]

**hug** I'm glad you're safe, Steph. All my love, sis.

[stephaniec]

thanks, I had visions of the movie " One flew over the cuckoos nest "

[Wynternight]

thanks, I had visions of the movie " One flew over the cuckoos nest "

Did you see Jack Nicholson, a big native guy and Nurse Ratchett?

[stephaniec]

there was a very big guy, but I'm not sure of his roots, and there was a nurse that everyone kept giving the finger to behind her back, but Jack must of been out partying.

[Wynternight]

there was a very big guy, but I'm not sure of his roots, and there was a nurse that everyone kept giving the finger to behind her back, but Jack must of been out partying.

Well crap, Jack would have made things fun!

[stephaniec]

yea

[Ⓥ]

Stuff

Just because you got misgendered, that doesn't automatically make the person a bigot (transphobe in your book).

I quite honestly didn't read anything in the post that was indicative of him being this horrible, bigoted doctor just looking for an axe to grind.

I feel for your situation tho, sorry

[stephaniec]

Just because you got misgendered, that doesn't automatically make the person a bigot (transphobe in your book).

I quite honestly didn't read anything in the post that was indicative of him being this horrible, bigoted doctor just looking for an axe to grind.

I feel for your situation tho, sorry

sorry, my interpretation of a medical doctor/head psychiatrist working with suicidal patients who are having a suicidal episode at the present tims and is a doctor that has practiced psychiatry for as long as he had and is also the person signing off on your treatment in a time of severe crisis and having been directly told by the patient after the first instanse of misgendering continue to purposely misgender, I would say that person should be raising some red flags among the medical staff which is indeed what happened when he was confronted about it by the social worked who was talked to by my therapist after I told her what happened and she called the hospital.Of course I could be wrong , but given the circumstances of being in the hospital because they had cause to believe I would commit suicide I think a caring psychiatrist would be the last person to push a suicidal patient over the edge. I mean not to argue this point because my situation of homelessness has not changed and I don't want to dwell on this. Suffice it to say I mean no harm to any point of view , I am just expressing the pain that was cause whether intentionally or ignorantly by a health care provider.

[alex82]

I agree with V.

An experience that is sad to read about, and I'm sorry you've been dealing with it. I hope you can put things back together.

But as you say, the crisis was about homelessness. You met a doctor who was a bit rude - so what, in the grand scheme of things - he's never met you before, and he works in psychiatry, so he's no doubt dealing daily with people who say they are everything under the sun which doesn't match their actual name or the details he's been provided with.

You needed to go to emergency to stop a crisis from getting worse, and to find a safe roof where you could eat, sleep, not come to physical harm, and get access to help for going on. That was achieved.

The most important thing is that you're safe, and not on the street. That would be infinitely worse than a doctor not using the correct pronouns until another professional arrived to say 'actually, stop that'.

[Rachel]

Steph,

I am glad you are safe and sad you had to endure this.

[stephaniec]

Steph,

I am glad you are safe and sad you had to endure this.

thank you so much your a very supportive person and we trans need the support of each other because the world can be cruel .