Dating: Easier for gay identifying FTMs than straight?

[KarlMars]

My wife is a trans woman. My first shot of T is likely tomorrow. It's like our confusion compliment each other. Try hanging around the pansexual+/genderfluid folks and you're bound to run into someone you're into who's into you too.

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Mod Edit:Language

This is true. In fact there are trans dating sites if you google them you'll find all kinds of people who are specifically into trans people.

[CMD042414]

This is true. In fact there are trans dating sites if you google them you'll find all kinds of people who are specifically into trans people.

I find that they are full of members that haven't been active for like 3 years. And they tend to be much younger than me.

[KarlMars]

I find that they are full of members that haven't been active for like 3 years. And they tend to be much younger than me.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm on TGpersonals and it's definitely active with many users of different ages. The only problem is on any transgender website the MtFs are more popular and sought. I've made some good friends on the website.

[CMD042414]

Don't think I've heard of that one I will look into it.

[Kanzaki]

You can also try looking for pansexuals. I'm guessing there might be some transphobic ones but generally I feel like they'll be more okay with it than people who are explicitly gay or straight.

[Daydreamer]

I would say it's just as hard for gay identified trans guys, if not harder than straight trans guys; especially when it comes to cis gay men. Most of the encounters I've seen when they're asked if they'd date a trans guy, most of them said no because of...that reason.

I've fortunately been lucky to find a partner (going on four years), and had one cis guy have a crush on me for over a year who didn't seem to mind or care that I was trans--especially when I was pre-T.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Im a weird outlier with dating since most people I date are my friends and they learn to accept me and love me before they get close to me.

...and ironically for someone who's mostly gay I've always dated girls, who were also like me on the other end of being trans.

I guess our minds just think alike? We understand our mutual struggles and thats what makes it easy to love regardless of where our sex or gender may lie

[WolfNightV4X1]

This is true. In fact there are trans dating sites if you google them you'll find all kinds of people who are specifically into trans people.

Aye, and not necessarily to sexually objectify people who are trans based solely on the aspect that it's what they are, but hey, they tend to be really attractive men and women too, right down to the model of classy nudity. Its an odd combination of traits but they are beautiful people too, throw in other things and you've got many an attractive individual

[SerenaOhSerena]

Out of all the trans men I know via personally or on the internet, date cis women. I've rarely seen a trans man dating a cis gay male. I only know of one couple who are trans/cis couple. Which actually didn't surprise me. Cis gay men in my experience can be very shallow even amongst other cis gay males.

[KarlMars]

You can also try looking for pansexuals. I'm guessing there might be some transphobic ones but generally I feel like they'll be more okay with it than people who are explicitly gay or straight.

Many bisexual and pansexuals are accepting of transpeople.

[Anning]

I'm FTM and gay and I'm basically bracing myself for being celibate the rest of my life, because I've never heard of or seen a gay man who would date a trans man (all the gay men I know are cis; all the trans men I know are straight). I'm really bitter/angry about this actually. People have told me "oh try dating online" and I'll give it a try, but... come on. What EXACTLY do I have to offer a man who is attracted to men? I'm not going to get my hopes up.

[Heita]

What EXACTLY do I have to offer a man who is attracted to men?

That is a good question that made me think, but I feel that even straight people should ask themselves that when looking for a partner. The point is that you have a good personality and special quirks and you are sexy in your own way... and I don't even know you! Everyone has their charms, being aware and developing the best you is the best way to communicate effectively that if someone dates you he is going to get this specific set of bounties. Also masculinity is a complex thing made of a lot of aspects, what specifically bothers you might not bother at all someone who is smitten with the guy you are.

[CMD042414]

What EXACTLY do I have to offer a man who is attracted to men? I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I feel that way, too. It's so much easier for a woman to just be with a cis man. And I'm in my mid-30s so women are much more likely to want marriage and kids. A cis man can legally marry and have natural kids the good old fashioned way. What do I bring to the table that she'd want?

Sad part is I wouldn't even ask that question if I weren't trans. I mean I am college educated, I have a well paying professional job and I just bought myself a house. Other than not having a penis I feel like I would be a great catch for a woman. It's very frustrating and in my quiet moments it is depressing actually.

As I'm still moving on from my ex it stings that much more that she dumped me and is now engaged to a cis guy that doesn't have any of the things I mentioned.

I prepare myself for being solo possibly for good. My chances as a trans man are so slim. When people say there's a lid for every pot they don't realize I have to like the lid too! It's hard for even straight cis people to find a match. There has to be mutual attraction, shared values, etc. If I wanted to settle for someone I'm not attracted to I could probably find it easier but that doesn't work for me.

[FTMDiaries]

What EXACTLY do I have to offer a man who is attracted to men? I'm not going to get my hopes up.

What do you have?

You have your personality, your intelligence, your looks, your education, your sense of humour, your career, your hobbies & interests, your likes & dislikes, your quirks & oddities, your party tricks. Just like any other guy.

You have the masculinity, the male energy/aura, the hotness, the libido, the hairiness, the muscles - especially after T has worked its magic on you. Just like any other guy.

And unless you choose to get rid of it and if you're comfortable with using it, you have a bonus hole that doesn't require several hours of careful prep and isn't enormously messy to work with. That's a major USP over 'any other guy'.

If you haven't had bottom surgery, then your dick can be any size, shape, colour or texture that they like. They actually get a choice, unlike with 'any other guy'! And after bottom surgery, it's still not enormously messy to work with! 

Trust me, you've got plenty!

There are plenty of gay cis men who are open to the idea of dating trans men. That's because they're interested in men, and you're a man, so they're potentially interested in you. You just have to meet them, talk to them so you can get to know them, and they'll see for themselves that you're a guy just like any other. You'll be surprised how many are open to the bedroom thing... and those who aren't are simply not worth your time. Or anybody's, for that matter.

That having been said, it is *way* easier for straight trans guys to find dates, because dating is a numbers game and there are a lot more straight women out there than gay men. Sure, there are some straight women who may not be open to the idea of a trans boyfriend but even taking them into account, the size of a straight trans guy's potential dating pool is way larger than a gay trans guy's pool, simply because women make up about 51% of the population and gay men make up about 2%.

[Hughie]

What do you have?

You have your personality, your intelligence, your looks, your education, your sense of humour, your career, your hobbies & interests, your likes & dislikes, your quirks & oddities, your party tricks. Just like any other guy.

You have the masculinity, the male energy/aura, the hotness, the libido, the hairiness, the muscles - especially after T has worked its magic on you. Just like any other guy.

And unless you choose to get rid of it and if you're comfortable with using it, you have a bonus hole that doesn't require several hours of careful prep and isn't enormously messy to work with. That's a major USP over 'any other guy'.

If you haven't had bottom surgery, then your dick can be any size, shape, colour or texture that they like. They actually get a choice, unlike with 'any other guy'! And after bottom surgery, it's still not enormously messy to work with! 

Trust me, you've got plenty!

There are plenty of gay cis men who are open to the idea of dating trans men. That's because they're interested in men, and you're a man, so they're potentially interested in you. You just have to meet them, talk to them so you can get to know them, and they'll see for themselves that you're a guy just like any other. You'll be surprised how many are open to the bedroom thing... and those who aren't are simply not worth your time. Or anybody's, for that matter.

That having been said, it is *way* easier for straight trans guys to find dates, because dating is a numbers game and there are a lot more straight women out there than gay men. Sure, there are some straight women who may not be open to the idea of a trans boyfriend but even taking them into account, the size of a straight trans guy's potential dating pool is way larger than a gay trans guy's pool, simply because women make up about 51% of the population and gay men make up about 2%.

Cheers for this post, this is great. Gives me encouragement and hope, because you are right. Healthy relationships are based on a whole lot of elements, and people bring a whole lot of things to the table in a relationship, including mind and spirit which are a huge part of creating emotional intimacy. As well as life experience, family and community, career and hobbies, etc. Another big thing is making peace with our own bodies. Yes, it's not a cis one but it tells my story.

I'm pre-T everything and I don't think I'm passing at all, especially if I open my mouth to talk. But what I have noticed is that since I've realised I'm trans this spring, I feel a great relief that I finally figured out what was wrong with me. Yes, there's a whole lot of things that I'd like to do to make my body match my mind, but I've noticed I'm getting more attention from folks this summer, probably because I feel more confident now with that realisation. This hasn't happened to me in years. So I think a big part of it is the headspace.

And yes, there's a numbers game here and I'm gonna be navigating these waters out there too soon enough, again. 

[Elis]

Thanks FTMDiaries for that post; it gives me some hope for the future. I found this web comic a while ago which I found really cute http://comics.billroundy.com/?p=1116.

[Hughie]

Thanks FTMDiaries for that post; it gives me some hope for the future. I found this web comic a while ago which I found really cute http://comics.billroundy.com/?p=1116.

Awesome, cheers for sharing. Really made me smile!

[Anning]

FTMDiaries -- I appreciate the kind words! You made me smile. Maybe things will be different after I've been on testosterone for a while, but right now I'm just a big fat guy who knows the difference between an amphisbaena and an opabinia (and cares). I keep having to remind myself that everything doesn't have to happen all at once... patience is a hard thing for me.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Thanks FTMDiaries for that post; it gives me some hope for the future. I found this web comic a while ago which I found really cute http://comics.billroundy.com/?p=1116.

Thats a great one! I really appreciate these informational comics that elucidate important aspects of life that few people are aware of


Theres one on OJST that I really like, it a story-based one that features a romantic and sexual relationship between two guys and one of them is transgender...its cool in the sense that he is shown not having the body you expect of a man but is fully acknowledged as such in the comic, its erotic but also has a romantic aspect which makes it rather endearing


...Given the comic and site itself includes sex and sexual images in it, I'll label it NSFW, see description if you wish to view it


http://www.

ohjoysextoy.com/whats-the-buzz-by-benjamin/

I just think its pretty important because it highlights a sensual aspect in a different kind of relationship, which most people arent used to,

[Elis]

Thats a great one! I really appreciate these informational comics that elucidate important aspects of life that few people are aware of


Theres one on OJST that I really like, it a story-based one that features a romantic and sexual relationship between two guys and one of them is transgender...its cool in the sense that he is shown not having the body you expect of a man but is fully acknowledged as such in the comic, its erotic but also has a romantic aspect which makes it rather endearing


...Given the comic and site itself includes sex and sexual images in it, I'll label it NSFW, see description if you wish to view it


http://www.

ohjoysextoy.com/whats-the-buzz-by-benjamin/

I just think its pretty important because it highlights a sensual aspect in a different kind of relationship, which most people arent used to,

Great comic, thanks for posting