Wierd feelings

[Jennifer2]

Hello ladies, i started dressing around the age of 9, i have been married now for 15 years, i am currently 40 years old & i came out to my wife 6 months ago, it was the hardest thing I've ever done,  my brother & mother know about me, my dad does not know, i also have a couple of close male friends that know, I'm still unsure of my sexual orientation but lately when i dress, it is heavy makeup, wig,nails,5 & 6 inch heels (which if i do say so myself, i can walk very well in lol)just as slutty as i can get, has anyone ever gone through this, it's a little scary because i am so in the moment I'm not paying attention to my surroundings, maybe I'm freaking over nothing

[Da]

I think only you can assess your orientation.   But I think it's important for anyone,  anywhere,  to be aware of their surroundings.   Many people think I'm waaay hyper-sensitive about that (back to a wall,  facing the door in restaurants, scoping everybody out,  etc. )  But, when things go bad,  I've never heard anyone say "I wish I didn't know where that emergency exit was".  Go be you,  but be aware of who's around you.   My advice,  for what is worth.

[CarlyMcx]

This could mean a couple of different things, and only seeing a gender therapist can really help you sort things out. 

It could mean you are a bit of an exhibitionist.  Not in a lewd way, but in a "hey look at me" way.

Or the feeling of femininity has become a bit of an intoxicating elixir.

You could be an adrenaline junkie.

How do you feel afterward when you get home and change back to male garb?  Sad? Disappointed?  Relieved?  Sense of Accomplishment?  Happy to go back to being male? 

One thing I learned in group was that a lot of transgender girls dress super feminine at first, then as the hormones take effect and change their bodies and brain chemistry, they no longer feel the need, and they dress like ordinary women.

Since you described the feelings as "weird" and "a little scary," this is why I recommend seeing a therapist to help you sort things out and get comfortable with where you are.

[Jennifer2]

Well first of all thank you for your replies, i am currently seeing a therapist,  i have only had a couple of sessions so far, i guess the best way to put it would be, the longer i go on being in man mode the more it makes me want to look slutty, i noticed the more i dress as a woman those feelings seem to subside somewhat, when i go into manmode, at first I'm like tarzan lol but by the end of the day I'm ready to slip into "something more comfortable "

[Da]

Well said,  Jennifer.   I feel exactly the same way.   Glad to know I'm not alone.

[Kerry30Den]

It took me a while to sort out that for me my dressing is striving for balance.  I need guy time and girly time and I'm truly happy when there's a good balance of both.  Too much time in a skirt and I feel off, too much time in guy clothes and I feel the same way (too little of either bothers me too).

I'm also in my 40's and have been dressing my whole life.  For a time I'd only worn hosiery and had convinced myself that that was it (and all I needed).  Finding someone who accepted me for me opened the flood gates; I shared as much as I could as feelings/needs came up and shared them with my then fiance.  We gave my dressing a try and luckily for me it worked out, she doesn't mind and likes it.

I work from home and am able to dress while I work. Sometimes I'm still dressed when she gets home from work and that's ok.  Sometimes we run off for dinner, errands, etc... and I change into guy mode.  No sense of depression or loss and sometimes I will stay in guy clothes after we get home.  I just dress as I feel the need/desire.  I made it a point to never ever make my wife feel bad for my having to change to go do something.  I figure she's accepted a lot and I'm not going to put up a stink because she wants me to join her doing errands etc.

Hopefully you can sort things out.  Getting the truth out there will hopefully allow you to adjust and find a new normal.  Maybe you won't feel the need to be so slutty if you can dress more often.  I found that when I could only dress occasionally I'd do the slutty thing.  When I began dressing more often my look tamed quite a bit.  I still like short skirts, but often wear flats or lower heels as they are way more comfy for all day wear.  Keep us posted, and best of luck. 

How is your wife handling things?

[barbie]

Hi!

It is not weird. It is healthy feelings.
For me, 13 years has passed since I started wearing them.
You appearance will not matter so much.
Your performance in your workplace and home will be more important.

barbie~~

[Jennifer2]

Wow, i really appreciate the feedback & input, my wife said she had reasons for marrying a man & this is not something she can live with, my heart sank when she said that, but we still love each other & care greatly for one another, we have a strong friendship but i think this will probably be the end of the marriage,  we both cry ourselves to sleep at night, i truly feel in my heart we will remain close friends, we have been together for 17 years & married for 10 years, i just couldn't keep it a secret any longer, it was killing me

[Kerry30Den]

Wow, i really appreciate the feedback & input, my wife said she had reasons for marrying a man & this is not something she can live with, my heart sank when she said that, but we still love each other & care greatly for one another, we have a strong friendship but i think this will probably be the end of the marriage,  we both cry ourselves to sleep at night, i truly feel in my heart we will remain close friends, we have been together for 17 years & married for 10 years, i just couldn't keep it a secret any longer, it was killing me

That is super sad to hear, but I know that happens sometimes.  A spouse sometimes can't accept that big of a change in their SO's life. Hopefully you can remain friends through all of this.  For you to live a lie and in hiding for so many years takes a toll, and one I suspect your wife can't fathom how hard its been.

My ex left me because I wore pantyhose and I know a separation like this will hit hard and hit you to the core.  You have to be you though and the journey isn't easy.  Hang in there, it does get easier over time.  My advice is to spend the time sorting yourself out and hold off on dating until you come to terms with things.  Be firm in finding someone that can love and accept you for you..

[barbie]

Wow, i really appreciate the feedback & input, my wife said she had reasons for marrying a man & this is not something she can live with, my heart sank when she said that, but we still love each other & care greatly for one another, we have a strong friendship but i think this will probably be the end of the marriage,  we both cry ourselves to sleep at night, i truly feel in my heart we will remain close friends, we have been together for 17 years & married for 10 years, i just couldn't keep it a secret any longer, it was killing me

I sometimes am surprised that so many couples make a decision so easily and so fast. Both of you seem to need a lot of patience and time. I hope you do well.

barbie~~

[Jennifer2]

Well, again i really appreciate the input, it means a lot to me, i started seeing a counselor about 2 months ago to get help figuring all of this out, I'm hoping it helps, thanks again girls

[Heather14]

Well, again i really appreciate the input, it means a lot to me, i started seeing a counselor about 2 months ago to get help figuring all of this out, I'm hoping it helps, thanks again girls

I hope your wife is also going to a counselor. So many times their first reaction is to leave without understanding.

Hugs,
Heather