Was the decision to transition gradual or like a light switch?

[Randy1980]

So my wife is the only person I have come out to as if yet. Before coming out I didn't have any dysphoria meaning hate for my male body or appearance that is.. but since I have come out to here a few months ago I have started to recognize my dysphoria.. before I just always really wanted to be a woman but now I'm beginning to hate my male characteristics.. so before I though transitioning is something I would never or could never do but I can't get it out of my head and the want and need is growing every day. When I first told her I was on the fence but still never thought I would actually do it but now I'm about 90% sure I am and I'm 100% sure I'm going to start hormones.. further more my wife has told me she doesn't view me as a male anymore and doesn't know if she ever could again because she knows my true mind now.. so I'm kinda stuck in the middle right now because I look male but I am female.. she isn't attracted to me sexually as a male anymore so we have been doing lesbian type stuff instead of tradition man woman sex luckily she is by.. but its hard for her to get turned on when seeing me because she now views me as female but when looking at me she's a male.. so I think I just need to do it as I don't believe I could ever regain my masculinity with her again

[KathyLauren]

For me, it snuck up on me gradually.  I have always felt a low level of dysphoria, but it was so chronic that I though it was normal. Not only did I not know the word for it, I didn't even recognize it as a thing to have a word for.  I always daydreamed about transition, but never had the thought that it was something I could do in real life.  It just seemed too freaky for me.

The turning point was hearing a transgender astrophysicist presenting a lecture at a scientific conference.  I realized that not only was she acting as if this was perfectly normal, even more importantly, so was the audience.  (And it was a darned good lecture, too.)  That put an end to the freaky-factor for me, and got me seriously looking into the possibility of transitioning.

The more I investigated, the more the idea of being trans clicked into place and explained a lot about who I am..  It took 3 or 4 months before I accepted that this was me.  And then another seven months to come out to my wife.

[link5019]

It was kind of like a light switch for me. I was always dysphoric, but it basically it would come in waves because I tried to push it down. Each wave came in stronger than the last until it basically just was like "Okay, I can't keep putting it off, I need to do this if I ever want to be me, be comfortable being me, etc.

[SophieD]

The decision to identify as transgender was very gradual, but when I began HRT a switch was certainly thrown, and my world changed.  In hindsight, the conclusion that I was transgendered appears inevitable. It seems like a paraphrase of that bit that Sherlock Holmes says -- something like "once you eliminate all that is not you, what is left, no matter how surprising, is you".

[DawnOday]

Actually I guess mine was gradual since I've been like this for my whole life. Yes whole life. My grandma gave me a rubber doll when I was born. I must of chewed on it a lot since it is all knarly. I've prayed, made deals with the devil, snuck around, protected my secret. We didn't have many roll models, but I saw Jazz Jennings on tv and saw how courageous she is and thought how wonderful she does not have to live in the agony I have. I actually see actors and actresses on tv now and it is so inspiring. Then an Orlando happens and I'm all scared again. But I'll be ok in a week or two.

[Ashey]

Light switch. I clearly had gender issues when I was a kid, always wishing every night I'd wake up as a girl. Through high school I had repressed all that, blocked it out, and forgot about it. When I was 20, it was very much like a switch though I admit there were some unconscious signs slipping through the cracks. When I realized this was actually still a thing, I knew I couldn't just forget about it again and quickly made the decision to transition after making a pros and cons list with a friend. Took me several years until I actually transitioned but my decision never changed in that time.

[josie68winter]

For me it was like a switch. I had known about this for a very long time, butI literally woke up New years Eve and decided that I had had enough and made my choice to me myself and transition.

Jo

[JLT1]

Light switch. 

One day, it just went on.  I kept trying to shut it off.  Never could. 

But I'm happier now than I have ever been.  Turning on that switch saved my life.

Hugs

Jen

[BeverlyAnn]

Light switch.  I've known since I was four but I had managed to fight it all my life and thought I was going to be able to "take it to the grave."  In October everything just crashed all at once, one second I was fine and the next second I was crying. 

[Mariah]

It was definitely a light switch. No doubt about it. I always knew what I needed to do but when it came time to do it. I twas definitely the light switch. Hugs
Mariah

[EmilyMK03]

The decision to identify as transgender was very gradual, but when I began HRT a switch was certainly thrown, and my world changed.  In hindsight, the conclusion that I was transgendered appears inevitable. It seems like a paraphrase of that bit that Sherlock Holmes says -- something like "once you eliminate all that is not you, what is left, no matter how surprising, is you".

My experience was most similar to the above.  I wanted to be absolutely 100% sure that transition would be the right decision for me.  And I just wasn't sure.  But I did know that I wanted laser hair removal for my face.  And I did know that I wanted a feminizing rhinoplasty.  And I wanted to see a gender therapist.  And I absolutely wanted to try HRT.  And I did all those things, but I told my friends I wasn't really transitioning.  And then one of my friends was like, "um, you're kind of already transitioning if you're doing those things..."  And I was like, lol, I guess I am! 

But the HRT was what really flipped the light switch.  It had such a major impact on all aspects of my well-being, I knew for sure at that point that this was the right path for me. 

[Eevee]

For me, it was years of denial. I knew that I was different, but I didn't know how to face it. Even as I grew used to the idea that people could transition, I could never say that it was right for me out loud, even just to myself.

I remember while I was in the hospital about 6 years ago after nearly killing myself, I filled out a long mental health questionnaire. Some of the questions involved my feelings of my gender identity and I was surprised that I was able to answer something like that honestly at the time. Nothing seemed to come from it though, since none of the doctors ever brought my answers up. Their silence could have been because they knew I was in the military at the time, even though it was an off-base hospital. Still, just having those questions actually presented to me did seem to make something click. That was the moment that I actually started digging deep for the courage to consider transitioning. It took me a few more years from then to actually open up about it.

[Arch]

Light switch. I knew about myself for two decades (knew the label, knew I could transition) but couldn't do anything about it. In fact, I recloseted myself for years. Then, I wore down completely and just broke open one day. A year later, I had started T, had top surgery, and become accepted as male everywhere.

[Ms Grace]

Probably a bit of both the first time I tried to transition. A dawning realisation which, once it clicked on was very much on. This time it was more akin to a lightning bolt!

[Kitty June]

I'm not sure actually. I remember a kid in elementary school that was always playing at being cat woman or Wonder Woman and one day a mob of kids followed him to his home and truer to beat him up. Pretty much realized that different was bed on that day. I still had private fantasies of being a girl but I knew that that was wrong and repressed it.
My next encounter with a transgender figure was buffalo bill from silence of the lambs. Yup, that just helped keep things repressed.
So fast forward to when I'm 45. I was dating a woman who told me she was a gay man. I didn't take it to seriously, but he helped me to be accepting of my feelings. It went from admitting I was bi to one Halloween when I first dressed in female attire. After that it pretty much snowballed to where I am now. 6 months hrt and not regretting it a bit.
I wish I would have come to terms with it when I was younger, but it's still better than never having dealt with it 

[Ashey]

It went from admitting I was bi to one Halloween when I first dressed in female attire. After that it pretty much snowballed to where I am now.

Heh, same thing happened with me. 10 years ago I came to the realization that I was bi (though it didn't impact me much, just got me being more honest with myself), and then later that same year I realized I was trans and needed to do something about it. That was in October, so I dressed up a bit and come Halloween I went to a public Halloween event dressed as a sexy witch. It was very liberating for sure, but oddly enough I didn't hardly dress up between then and when I started HRT several years later.

[Maybebaby56]

I was fairly methodical about the whole thing.  I knew what I wanted, but I wasn't sure I had the courage to do it, so approached transition in steps and I gave myself permission to fail if it got too hard, or the price seemed too high. 

I started seeing a gender therapist to make sure I was being rational and reasonable about my thoughts.  After a couple of sessions I felt transition is something I really wanted to try, so I started laser/electrolysis.  After all, there are many men with light/no beards, so I didn't consider that an irrevocable step, although going to a salon, and admitting to someone I was transgender was kind of a big thing in itself.

I started growing my hair long.  There are lots of men with long hair, and I could always cut my hair.  I got my ears pierced.  There are lots of men with pierced ears. That was actually the scariest step for me, believe it or not.  I laugh now, but that took the most courage. It was the biggest shock to my self-image as a male. I always considered pierced ears a very feminine thing, and having pierced ears, something everyone could see, really started crumbling my male facade.

The clincher for me, though, was starting HRT.  I was about a year into my decision to "try" transitioning when I decided to start HRT.   Within days my dysphoria was gone, and I knew in my heart there was no going back.

So yeah, it took me a year to make an overnight decision.

~Terri

[JoanneB]

I personally make a distinction between taking on the trans beast for real vs "Transition". I use the definition of transition right out of the dictionary, "To Change".

It is almost exactly seven years today I made my first change. I reached out to and met with my TG support group moderator for her pre-screening interview. A monumental change or step I took. A step taken with absolutely no plans, nor intentions, to ever again try that living full-time as female thing for a third time.

Change for me came slowly. It was often a tough slog trying to balance all sorts of conflicting needs and wants in not just my life and also with those of my life partner's. There have been a lot of changes for both of us both. Monumental changes.

There have been a lot of changes. I am still changing, still transitioning as a whole person now. I still live and present primarily as male. Thanks to HRT and it's much needed brain reset other changes occurred. I have also achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. Most amazing of all pretty much all the time I feel OK to good about being me, seeing me, and even feeling me. I have become a for real person with an entire spectrum of for real emotions, and the oft times surprising expressions of them.

[Randy1980]

Yeah like many of you I have known my whole life since around 5 I would say every time I would see a shooting star or blow out my birthday candles my wish was to be a girl I'm pretty sure every time but that was before internet so I just kept it a secret and went on with life as I got a little older I would were my sister's clothes secretly and shaved my legs a few times as well when I was around 13 then just hide it by wearing pants all the time. When I became an adult and joined the army it was still there but I kept it in deep when I would see a beautiful woman I would think like a man and say I would like to be with her but right after I would think I'd much rather be her than be with her..it wasn't untill I came out to my wife that I a actually considered the thought of actually transitioning.. and now I just can't shut it off or bury it like I could before.. so I have my first therapy session this Friday and I'm going to start hrt in six months or less depending on my weight loss as I want to lose 60lbs before starting while I still have testosterone on my side. I've decided that I'm going to commit to at least three months on hrt before I make my full and final decision to transition or not but I'm pretty sure I'm heading in the direction of transition I just have to work out some of my fears

[RobynD]

I've known most of my life and in most respects it was gradual. What changed is I became more educated about it and used that newfound smarts in planning and executing my changes. Also once i had attained a certain level of "success", married and raised kids, i felt like i had less to mess up with the changes and could focus a bit more on what i needed for continued survival.

I thought that just being a "feminine guy" would be do it for me and i would take that to my grave, but i was just fooling myself and likely a bit scared of the prejudice in the world. My first presentation as a woman was decades ago, but i always jumped back and fourth and fancied myself sort of a doppleganger as part of my defense mechanisms