Is it common for people to regret transitioning? +Other risk factors

[EmilyJorgensen]

I just found out a good friend of mine is also MtF transgender and her reasons for not transitioning are that 1: Her body would reject oestrogen and 2: Transitioning would be a permanent thing, and she might regret it in the future. She expressed these reasons with me when I told her I wanted to transition. I cannot tolerate the body that I have and it's repulsive to me... She told me that she knows a lot of people who regret transitioning.
She also warned me that I will very likely experience vomiting as a side effect since by body is very sensitive. I need dramamine for long car rides or else I'll have nausea and vomiting. I am also emetophobic, which means I have a very profound fear of vomiting. Even mild nausea can give me a panic attack...
She warned me about the emotional effects of oestrogen. I have been having very severe depressive symptoms for over a year now. I have thought about suicide excessively every day for over a year and each time I have a suicidal episode, which can occur 1-4 times a month, the thoughts and the episodes themselves get worse. Now I had read that hormones can mess with your emotions, and I am concerned about the risk here.
So...
1. Do you know anyone who has regretted transition?
2. Have any MtF's experienced vomiting when starting HRT? (I plan on taking it in pill form, and I hope to start on a very low dose and ease up)
3. Should I have my emotional state stabilised before starting HRT?

[AnonyMs]

If depression is caused by being trans then its quite common for it to go away when you start HRT. Mine certainly did, it just evaporated, and only came back when I refused to transition any further. Upping my HRT dose fixed that as well.

I don't know how people are supposed to stabilize their mental state when its the lack of HRT that's causing it.

The most common regret I hear about is waiting so long to start transition.

[Carrie Liz]

I've known close to 100 trans people personally. In all that time, only two have ever de-transitioned. One had borderline personality disorder and thus was a bit unstable, and she quickly regretted detransitioning and eventually transitioned back. The second person did it under heavy pressure from his super-religious family, the likes of "either de-transition or we're never talking to you again," plus was never completely sure of his gender identity in the first place, he spent years going back and forth in his mind while also dealing with bipolar, drug addiction, and depression.

Not a single other trans person I've ever known, that's 98/100, has expressed any regret ever.

Basically, regret is VERY VERY rare. It only really happens when there's conflicting medical conditions which interfere with someone's ability to think clearly / make decisions clearly. But your average trans person? No. It pretty much almost never happens.

[Raye]

The last time I 'attempted' suicide was the 38th time. I got locked up in a loony bin stuck with some ridiculous doctors trying to tell me my disorder was a joke and basically all in my head. We had scans done down there in the brain and they had compared them to various cis gender women and other intersex people. Even WITH clearly proven concrete evidence shown they didn't believe or comprehended. I had undeveloped ovaries and a brain similar to a cis gender woman and they still told me it was all in my head as if it was a mental disorder. As if there was nothing biological about my situation as if they were told something to discourage me. So I basically trolled them for a whole week playing around with them to make them look like fools. And eventually some top notch dude comes in and explains how it was all possible and that they should be fired for incompetence. It was pretty funny, but that doctor helped me get to the point of my transition and referred to specialists. I wish I could remember the guys name he was cool as tasty ice cream. Anyway back to the attempts before I WAS on HRT I was really miserable and I mean seriously. Very hard to go into detail and to be honest I'd rather not, but when I did go through with my transition I stopped thinking about suicide and my depression became more alleviated. I haven't regretted it all - not once. I wouldn't want to be that fake me because it wasn't who I was and I seriously still suffer from dysphoria, but it's a lot better than what it use to be as well.

As for vomiting I've only had that issue a few times, but not of late and that just might be me, but I hadn't heard anyone else having that. I had nausea and migraines very often, but after my 4th month it also became less apparent as much.

[V M]

I think it somewhat depends on the area you live in and the level of support available there

We have a high suicide rate among trans people where I live, but then again there is a high suicide rate here in general

[V]

I don't know anyone who regretted transitioning. I know plenty who regret not starting earlier (me included).
But if you just take small steps at a time, it is not impossible to stop at the point you become uncomfortable, or even take a few steps back.
It is possible to de-transition, and if you got to that point, at least you tried, and you would know for sure.
I used this approach, small steps, and that worked for me.
I've not heard or read of hrt causing vomiting, but as most medication comes with a long list of possible side-effects, plus instructions on what to do if you experience them, you would at least have that information. If they made you sick, stop taking them and see your doc.
I suffered from severe depression and suicidal thoughts/tendencies before I transitioned or started hrt. Unlike most folk on here, these feelings didn't stop after transitioning or hrt, or even after my SRS op. I guess I'm just disposed to those kinds of feelings and problems.
But even though my transition and surgery didn't go smoothly, I still don't regret transitioning.

[V]

@Raye, I had a similar experience to you. I was suicidally depressed, I came out as Transgendered, I got sectioned and "thrown in the loony bin" too.
That was... interesting (terrifying). Made me shut up about telling anyone I was TS again for a while 
That happened 16 years ago. I had hoped that today things would be different and better, reading you post made me sad to hear that's not the case.
Hope you are OK.

[Raye]

@ EmilyJorgenson
Not all transgender people have (or should) undergo HRT, but a lot of us do suffer from Gender Dysphoria like myself. Sometimes it gets better and sometimes it actually gets worse. So taking baby steps would probably be the best bet to see where your dysphoria takes you. If you don't have dysphoria at least attempt to see what happens if it makes you feel worse. If it does for either of them maybe you could not undergo HRT. It wouldn't make us mad at you + in fact I'm quite sure many of us would admire your strength to not undergo it. But for a lot of us we just feel way to uncomfortable and would want to be the real us that we see in the mirror on a daily basis than what we despise and don't like. Heck it turns out orally taking hormones just doesn't process or receive too well in my body. Taking by sublingual seemed to work better, but IM Injections seem to be received much better, which is what I'm currently on. If that wasn't too hard to get it gets even worse hahahaa. Because of my condition it took forever to find the right combination of AA, P4, + Estro to get the results we were hunting for. Literally we were hunting for them I had so many ups and downs it was no joke. But we managed to get through it thick and thin to find the right balance. Everyone's different and your no exception with what your worrying about. Honestly I think it would be very rare to experience vomiting unless you were on a high dosage. Although, I wasn't on a high dosage and it did happen to me, but like I said I'm pretty sure that was just a cause of my condition.

@V
I'm doing much better than where I use to be. And I've come along way even though I was unable to transition at 20. Though 5 years later in ain't so bad. I didn't start developing facial hair till I was half way to my 21st Birthday. I guess that was when my OV's threw in the towel to the Testes. I found that most of my facial hair naturally became finer 3-4 mo down the road leaving side burn, mustache, + chin hair only be noticeable. So I guess that would be a plus going into electrolysis at some point. But you'd think doctors would be able to catch on to some of these issues early on in a child's development. Way before the child knew he or she was Transgender or other form. That's why I believe doctors really need to start educating themselves more often, specifically on these types of matters. It would make these kids be able to cope and transition much easier + quicker than later in life with the social stigmas we have today. The social dogma of our society is sickening to the fact at times I wonder why people are ignorant. As well why I haven't off'd myself yet, but I won't because I don't give into weak minds so easily. And quite frankly I'm starting to love life right now to where I wouldn't at the same time. So yeah I can't see how I would ever regret transitioning into something I truly am.

[V]

@Raye, yeah, small steps to see where your boundaries are is good advice. A therapist suggested that to me before I transitioned, and it's worked for me.
Glad to hear you are happier now. When I think back to my childhood, by the time I was 12, my hairline had receded so badly, to the point my nickname at school was 'Dracula'
Had to start shaving at 13, very deep voice by 14. Yeah, those times were awful for sure <shudders>. To this day, after 17 years of hrt, 10 years of electrolysis, IPL and Laser, I still have to spend min 1 hour every morning plucking facial hairs and shaping my eyebrows. My body physically really wanted to be male, never mind what my mind wanted.
I too wish doctors were better educated and more receptive, at least my GP is OK, not the best, but OK.

[Rachel]

I started on pills, E and Spiro. I had no nausea. When I switched to injections the first three times I injected the day after injection I had nausea so I ate a few saltines before getting out of bed and the nausea went away. I prefer injections to E pills.

I was going to a gender therapist 6 months prior to starting HRT. I had to sort a lot of things out and get stable. Prior to starting HRT I asked my therapist if I started HRT did she think I would stop. She said no and asked I give it 4 months. She interviewed perspective patients and was very selective of patients she would work with. I started HRT 3 years ago and after 3 weeks I told my therapist I would never go off HRT.

I had very bad GD and HRT helped me greatly. I still had GD but not as bad. Ultimately I fully came out and expressed. It took me a long time to accept myself and like who I am. Coming out and expressing has helped me deal with my GD. For the first time I was addressing my GD and it feels awesome, albeit scary at first.

[kaitylynn]

Of all the people that I know in various states of transition, not a single one has regretted starting and maintaining the process.  That is not to say that everyone is 100% satisfied with rate of progress, but no one I asked prior to restarting HRT would "go back".  Most express the same sentiment, that we cannot go back as there was nothing truly there to go back to and we now knew that.

I had a few acquaintances that attempted to nay-say.  "Oh, but if you realize you made a mistake" is the most common.  My decision was already made, but in prudence the possibility was weighed.  When I realized that I had been using that line to hold myself in the static, I realized it did not make sense when put forward by any external source either and I started HRT for the second time.

In the end, we can hear concerns that are put out for us to consider from many sources, mostly from friends and family who are vested in our being healthy.  For all that they can say, ask or emote...we alone have to decide what is right for us based on what we, as individuals, desire.  It sounds like your friend has concerns that keep her from proceeding with transitioning.  His/Her choice and it is valid for him/her.  Your choice will not match theirs and that is perfectly ok and should be honored.  Love yourself!

[Asche]

... no one I asked prior to restarting HRT would "go back".  Most express the same sentiment, that we cannot go back as there was nothing truly there to go back to and we now knew that.

That describes me.  I'm having a real rough time (I've posted the gory details in the non-binary section), but I knew when I started that there wasn't really any other way for me to go, and when I feel like I just can't go on, I reexamine the alternatives, and then I realize: there's no "back" to go to.  That ship is sinking or has sunk, and all I can do is keep swimming.  (Or drown, but I'm not that desperate -- yet.)  Transition or die, that's the choice, and I'm not yet willing to die.

[2cherry]

I started HRT in 2008, when I was 30. Had my SRS, and FFS is planned... however:

Today I had a bone scan, and after it was done, my pelvis showed up on the x-ray screen... and I felt I wanted to cry, because I saw a small-unable to bear a child-male pelvis. Yes, a pelvis differs in males and females. I'm being reminded of my past everywhere I go... whether it be on the x-ray screen for unknown technicians to chuckle on, lawyers who go through my records, government agencies, or simply the stares I get on the street. My past haunts me... and I feel like I am unable to shake it.

The truth is, sometimes I don't know who I am anymore... I've been assaulted by testosterone for 20+ years, that leaves too much to be undone. Not only the bones, but everything. From DNA to pelvis, from larynx to brain volume. Physically, I'm still about roughly 60% male sex. Even after SRS and HRT.

I feel female, I am female. But if our brains is what we are, then I'm also part male because testosterone works the brain as well. All that wiring can't be undone. So, reality is... I am female, identify as one, but I can't forget the "male" part of me. I tried, but I could not get rid of it. So I think I have a few options left:

1. Accept that I can't be completely female, it's impossible. (think: dna, womb, yadayada...)
2. I don't accept it (suicide).

Number two crosses my mind every now and then, but I guess I'm slowly coming to terms that I have to accept that no matter what I do, it can never be 100%. It seems like rebuilding a house at starting at the roof while you work your way down to replace the foundation. Can't be done without some serious brutal overhaul, and even then, it never is going to look the way I wanted it.

So... regret... I don't know... I don't have regret, I'm just disappointed. Especially about the results, but also in the actions and judgements of others.

It still is a daily struggle...

[JoanneB]

I just found out a good friend of mine is also MtF transgender and her reasons for not transitioning are that 1: Her body would reject oestrogen and 2: Transitioning would be a permanent thing, and she might regret it in the future. She expressed these reasons with me when I told her I wanted to transition. I cannot tolerate the body that I have and it's repulsive to me... She told me that she knows a lot of people who regret transitioning.
She also warned me that I will very likely experience vomiting as a side effect since by body is very sensitive. I need dramamine for long car rides or else I'll have nausea and vomiting. I am also emetophobic, which means I have a very profound fear of vomiting. Even mild nausea can give me a panic attack...
She warned me about the emotional effects of oestrogen. I have been having very severe depressive symptoms for over a year now. I have thought about suicide excessively every day for over a year and each time I have a suicidal episode, which can occur 1-4 times a month, the thoughts and the episodes themselves get worse. Now I had read that hormones can mess with your emotions, and I am concerned about the risk here.
So...
1. Do you know anyone who has regretted transition?
2. Have any MtF's experienced vomiting when starting HRT? (I plan on taking it in pill form, and I hope to start on a very low dose and ease up)
3. Should I have my emotional state stabilised before starting HRT?

Short of surgery of some physical changes what is "non-reversible" about transition?  Suicide sure doesn't offer a Do-Over

Secondary sex characteristics can begin to occur months after starting HRT and take years to level off. And there is a major YMMV factor. Just as with any pregnant woman sure, as hormones shift around you can get nausea, which is why the dose is usually gradually increased. Again YMMV

Then there is simply Low-Dose HRT. A life-saver for me over the ages being on/off HRT for the emotional or Brain-Reset as I call it

1. Do you know anyone who has regretted transition?
As in all human endevours of course there are people who regret it. I've been the the Maryland Senate hearings on their Trans-Protection bill with the loyal opposition parading a few... TBH, how they got as far as they did....

2. Have any MtF's experienced vomiting when starting HRT? (I plan on taking it in pill form, and I hope to start on a very low dose and ease up)
A little sometimes. Diet and timing and who knows what else. YMMV

3. Should I have my emotional state stabilised before starting HRT?
Chicken & Egg. HRT can help immensely to start stabilizing your emotional state. But that is just the start. We all have a lifetime of accumulated baggage plus Guilt and Shame about being or feeling we are "different"

[2cherry]

Forgot your questions, sorry about that... 

2. No, never vomited. Not even nauseous. I did get migraines for a while, which was a surprise.
3. Well, I guess if you are in the wrong body, that's pretty much the most unstable thing there is... but transitioning can pack a brutal punch if you're not prepared. Sometimes it feels I had to chose between two evils. That's how it felt. I glad I did transition, but it came at a price...

[Kitty June]

I get car sick if I'm not driving. Always have. That said, I don't think I've got sick from estrogen. I use a patch so it's pretty much constant delivery.
Of course, if your friends words stick in your head, it might make it happen because you believe it will.
You know your own mind, don't let someone talk you out of something because they don't feel what you do.
As always YMMV, but do what makes you happy.
Hugs

[Janes Groove]

I started on a low dose 5 weeks ago. Came out and started presenting full time last Thanksgiving. I do have major depressive disorder which is well-managed with anti-depressants. Tried to commit suicide in 1984. Result of years of suppression.  Still I couldn't deal with my internalized transphobia until this year. I have always wanted to be a woman.

It's really not any more complicated that that I want my external gender presentation to more closely match up with my internal sense of gender.

No regrets.

[IdontEven]

1. Do you know anyone who has regretted transition?
The only regrets I know about are people wishing they had started sooner, and/or that they got better effects from HRT.

2. Have any MtF's experienced vomiting when starting HRT?
Sort of...I've always gotten motion-sick if I do any reading in a moving vehicle, and now on HRT if I ride with anyone at all it makes me feel pretty awful. It goes away as soon as I get out of the car, but it can be pretty miserable at times.

In addition to that, my body seems to have gotten a lot more sensitive to diet and other chemicals. If I put a bunch of crap in my body I feel it, but if I eat clean then I feel absolutely amazing (and I think it shows in my skin tone and stuff too).

Other than those two things, there's been no random nausea or vomiting, it all has very clear causes that I just avoid as best as possible now.

3. Should I have my emotional state stabilised before starting HRT?
My advice here is to develop healthy coping skills, and to establish the widest support network you can. You don't have to wait until these are in place to begin HRT, they can be done concurrently.

If you're suffering from dysphoria you're just not going to be able to stabilize your emotions that well. Unless numbness or constant grinding misery count as "stable". At least those were my two options pre-HRT, maybe you've got a better handle on it?

It can be true that estrogen can increase emotional volatility, but it's something you get used to and learn to deal with. Ultimately I feel like life has color now, even if some of it is a dark hue. The trick is dealing with it in a healthy way. I don't think there was any way I could do that pre-HRT, because I need incentive, and hopelessness is the opposite of incentive.

Not gonna lie, it's gotten pretty iffy a few times while trying to learn how to not be my own worst enemy. When that depression hits everything just twists up and looks permanently hopeless and bad ideas start to look like good ideas. I've had to learn how to make decisions ahead of time for when those things come up, to actively decide while I'm in a good place that I won't hurt or kill myself the next time things get bad. Because that crap is temporary, and sooner or later the sun comes back out and being alive is a joy.

[V]

-snip-
It can be true that estrogen can increase emotional volatility, but it's something you get used to and learn to deal with. Ultimately I feel like life has color now, even if some of it is a dark hue. The trick is dealing with it in a healthy way. I don't think there was any way I could do that pre-HRT, because I need incentive, and hopelessness is the opposite of incentive.

Not gonna lie, it's gotten pretty iffy a few times while trying to learn how to not be my own worst enemy. When that depression hits everything just twists up and looks permanently hopeless and bad ideas start to look like good ideas. I've had to learn how to make decisions ahead of time for when those things come up, to actively decide while I'm in a good place that I won't hurt or kill myself the next time things get bad. Because that crap is temporary, and sooner or later the sun comes back out and being alive is a joy.

This is so true, depression can destroy things, it can be so powerful, but as you say, and as I've come to realise, it's effects are temporary. And after a while, it passes and things just seem to improve again.
Well said!

I started HRT in 2008, when I was 30. Had my SRS, and FFS is planned... however:

Today I had a bone scan, and after it was done, my pelvis showed up on the x-ray screen... and I felt I wanted to cry, because I saw a small-unable to bear a child-male pelvis. Yes, a pelvis differs in males and females. I'm being reminded of my past everywhere I go... whether it be on the x-ray screen for unknown technicians to chuckle on, lawyers who go through my records, government agencies, or simply the stares I get on the street. My past haunts me... and I feel like I am unable to shake it.

The truth is, sometimes I don't know who I am anymore... I've been assaulted by testosterone for 20+ years, that leaves too much to be undone. Not only the bones, but everything. From DNA to pelvis, from larynx to brain volume. Physically, I'm still about roughly 60% male sex. Even after SRS and HRT.

I feel female, I am female. But if our brains is what we are, then I'm also part male because testosterone works the brain as well. All that wiring can't be undone. So, reality is... I am female, identify as one, but I can't forget the "male" part of me. I tried, but I could not get rid of it. So I think I have a few options left:

1. Accept that I can't be completely female, it's impossible. (think: dna, womb, yadayada...)
2. I don't accept it (suicide).

Number two crosses my mind every now and then, but I guess I'm slowly coming to terms that I have to accept that no matter what I do, it can never be 100%. It seems like rebuilding a house at starting at the roof while you work your way down to replace the foundation. Can't be done without some serious brutal overhaul, and even then, it never is going to look the way I wanted it.

So... regret... I don't know... I don't have regret, I'm just disappointed. Especially about the results, but also in the actions and judgements of others.

It still is a daily struggle...

I connect with so much in this post it is scary! I started hrt in my late 20's, and had my SRS in 2003, when I was 30.
Testosterone had caused so much damage, and it can't all be undone. Trying to accept what I have and make the best of it, and not succumb to bitterness, guilt, self-loathing and jealousy is a challenge I face on a daily basis.
I look at my brother, he has a lovely family, good job, loving partner, two wonderful children, nice big house, etc... He complains about being tired from looking after his kids, and isn't his life tough...
I faux-sympathise with him, he's my little brother and I love him, but inside a fire burns away, and I think "you don't know you're born kiddo". You didn't have to spend half your life hating your existence, and then all your money and time and energy trying to beat Gender Dysphoria. I'd probably be in a better place if I hadn't had to face all that cr@p, somewhere like where he is now.
So yeah, mustn't let those dark thoughts seep into everything around me and spoil what I have. A TG life is tough.

So many things in this thread that resonate with me. Reading that others have the same struggles somehow helps me to try and face my own.
There are so many other posts on this forum that are like that Lego song 'Everything Is Awesome", my eyes glaze over when I read those posts.
I wasn't the OP, but the replies have helped me, thank you.

[Raye]

@V

My voice didn't start the deepening process till was around 16-17. >.> I was the oddball of the fam. So my dysphoria was really bad other than being short at the time. I'm sad I had to get taller than 5' 6", but things happen and I hit a growth spurt when I hit 19-20. HEHE

But seriously, Emily I wouldn't worry about what other people think about you. And what anyone say what you should do for yourself. Your getting some Grade - AAA advice here + I would heavily consider and weigh out your options. Most definitely read up on all of this + digest the information before going forward even before you consider not pursuing what you would want to mind over matter girl! <3