Is being transgender worth turning your family away?

[Raye]

If only it was that easy.

Imagine being alone in the world and only having your family, would you turn the only people away that "loves you"

I was 19 when I moved out and away from my family - that has been 6 years ago. So ever since then I've been on my own, paid my own rent, utilities, bills, + my own medical treatments. I've worked times when I did 40 hours a week, 53, 65, + 85 multiple times. It sucks, but I overcame it all. I don't know how old the majority of people here are who are afraid of losing people. But I've always thought the older women/men here usually ended up with a stable job that paid well over time, decades even. Well enough that even if things went sideways they would be alright. Especially, if they had to live somewhere else before an apartment opened up for them to move into. But I find that usually the younger of us with hopes, dreams, and goals even tend to get out on their own and having decent jobs, usually have more courage than the older generation. I'm not bashing here I'm just stating things that I've noticed thus far scanning the threads within this beloved community. And I clearly understand the situations everyone has been in because most of us have. But many of us throughout all ages have courage + pride in ourselves to do what's best for our own happiness. Even if it means not transitioning, not everyone has to. I know a bit of FTM's that are just fine with Top Surgery and that seems to help their dysphoria better than anything. IF you identify as Male and still have a bosom quite frankly that's all you need - self acceptance is key even if you still have the stuff down there. It doesn't matter you are who you are. So I wouldn't say you HAVE to transition, but at least not be afraid to wear and identify with who you really are. We've all got demons to fight with in ourselves as well the outside it's just a matter of coming to terms with self-acceptance and not worrying what other people think about you.

[Midnightstar]

I felt the same way! pulled towards this path even though i could have dealt with being masculine i would have been certainly lying about how i identified but i could have probably been okay. But besides me relating to that statement
I'm already eventually planning on cutting contact with family if things don't start working out after i move away, and if i move away and save up to move again and by that time nothing change it's not my loss its theirs. I can't live a life like that because its to painful, but then again my family and me have never gotten along or understood each other so in some ways it sounds like a loss but in reality it isn't the big of one that is harsh for me to say but with my situation it just happens to be true. However i don't want to lose anyone if they can eventually accept me as who i really am instead of there idea of who i am maybe thing could change for the better but so far i don't see change getting any closer. I tried to believe it was getting closer that they where listening and trying there best but turns out they would always turn the other way quickly after and then proceed to show me how much they really didn't ever care. Is it worth it yes, its worth it so i can be happy.

[Nicole]

I would have thought that if you are happy, alive and well you could survive without family.

[Cassuk]

I was 19 when I moved out and away from my family - that has been 6 years ago. So ever since then I've been on my own, paid my own rent, utilities, bills, + my own medical treatments. I've worked times when I did 40 hours a week, 53, 65, + 85 multiple times. It sucks, but I overcame it all. I don't know how old the majority of people here are who are afraid of losing people. But I've always thought the older women/men here usually ended up with a stable job that paid well over time, decades even. Well enough that even if things went sideways they would be alright. Especially, if they had to live somewhere else before an apartment opened up for them to move into. But I find that usually the younger of us with hopes, dreams, and goals even tend to get out on their own and having decent jobs, usually have more courage than the older generation. I'm not bashing here I'm just stating things that I've noticed thus far scanning the threads within this beloved community. And I clearly understand the situations everyone has been in because most of us have. But many of us throughout all ages have courage + pride in ourselves to do what's best for our own happiness. Even if it means not transitioning, not everyone has to. I know a bit of FTM's that are just fine with Top Surgery and that seems to help their dysphoria better than anything. IF you identify as Male and still have a bosom quite frankly that's all you need - self acceptance is key even if you still have the stuff down there. It doesn't matter you are who you are. So I wouldn't say you HAVE to transition, but at least not be afraid to wear and identify with who you really are. We've all got demons to fight with in ourselves as well the outside it's just a matter of coming to terms with self-acceptance and not worrying what other people think about you.

I'm only 4-5 years older than you.

And i have been out on my own since i was 17, so i do get your points. for me it´s just not that easy. I have always been very close to my mom and grandmother and i would be lost without them.

But i have come to a point where i need to figure this out fully, and either go all in or something.

[KathyLauren]

Imagine being alone in the world and only having your family, would you turn the only people away that "loves you"

I can relate to this all too well.  I have lived that way for over 60 years. 

One of the things that got me moving was the thought, "How can they love me when they don't even know me?"  I have kept the real me hidden so well that even I don't really know her yet.  I need to be myself first, then they can choose whether or not they want to love me.

[Raye]

I'm only 4-5 years older than you.

And i have been out on my own since i was 17, so i do get your points. for me it´s just not that easy. I have always been very close to my mom and grandmother and i would be lost without them.

But i have come to a point where i need to figure this out fully, and either go all in or something.

I was fully prepared and ready to start my transition three years ago. I was financially sound, but I got stuck in between a housing situation leaving the service + the person who was taking me when while working and paying her back wanted me out within a 3 mo time, because her daughter who I was in love with passed away. She blamed me for not being able to be there for her as much as I'd liked to, but I was stuck where I was at. The government needed me more than her for my skill-sets they didn't allow me leave to see her in the hospital until her funeral date. And I got stuck with a friend who I wish I didn't make because it delayed my transition until 2 years later bout 4-5 mo before turning 25. He became dependent on me for several reasons. But never once had he disrespected what I was going to do with my life thereafter. However he never respected the woman I love because she didn't like him, she knew what kind of person he was that I didn't see. Lazy and good for nothing, but kind + gentle. Some women just have a way with eyes because she saw right through him when I was away.

Like I said no one has to transition, but at least you need to come to terms with who you are. Because that's the only way your going to be able to cope with yourself. And I've given up so many people to be the real me. And I haven't regretted it once. My career wasn't that important to me and I could care less what the guys thought of me in my unit despite saving their butts from a lot of things they didn't pay attention to.

I'd have to say the turning point was all of that and when I had to work with this wound trudging on when it. God I was in so much pain at the time and I sucked it up. Most definitely not the worse I've seen or anyone for that fact. I got lucky, seriously lucky.

[Debra]

My family rejected me outright. Then they got confirmation from their church that they were doing 'the right thing'.

F* em . That's all I can say. =/

I've made my own family from friends and the like. My brother is supportive at least.

6 years since I transitioned and they still are idiots. Ah well.

[nameuser]

Course being transgednder isnt optional, surely I hope it was not read that way. Transition however, or what most nontrans people seem to believe, isnt. I guess it's more what steps are you willing to take to resolve internal issues, risk vs rewards.

I know a lot of people actually have good families and I feel bad asking them what it'd be like if their families did not accept their condition, its a very tough decision and in the end what do you sacrifice? Maybe your life?

But then people get upset and feel as if someone was suicidal for no reason and needed a different kind of mental help...sigh.


Anyways, these answers were an interesting read, I appreciate all your input and support

Ah - sorry if it sounded like that was how I'd interpreted the question. I read it as you meant it! Just started a new medication and my brain is a fuzzy mess

It's an important question to ask, and to think about. I kinda wish I'd read this thread before I came out - I would have gone about it very differently. Less "by the way, I'm a boy now, get over it," more "I respect your feelings, please don't leave me" and such. But it worked out >.> somehow.

Wow. Delayed freak out. I didn't appreciate the potential consequences until now. I need a cup of tea.

[WorkingOnThomas]

Honestly? Yes.
I've had to cut people off - my brother, my mother, my sister ...
But I'm so much happier this way, and you know what? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HOW I AM. I'm living my life the way I want to live it. I'm not hurting anyone else. I've been happier the last year than I have been since I was about twelve. So if my family would rather I just crawl back in the bottle (my fall to coping method it) then they don't love me as they should, and that is all there is to it. They'd rather have a dead daughter/sister, than a happy son/brother. Sad, but no longer my problem.