This is basically gonna be a rant post. I woke up feeling okay today and started scrolling on my facebook feed this morning.
About twenty minutes ago I came across a post that a former friend of mine made. I actually thought that we still had some of our friendship left but it's been thrown out the window because of a homophobic meme she shared. I've known her since the second half of grade seven (when I moved from private school to public school) and she was one of the first friends I made. There were some red flags throughout the years though; she'd constantly call me stupid/idiot/fool/etc, she thought it was funny to lightly smack me over the head, she was raised in a conservative Christian environment, she'd become angry with I didn't agree with her on everything, she's never really been there for me when I've needed friends the most, and in grade nine when I thought I was bisexual (long before I found out I'm pan and trans) I asked her what she'd think if I was bi and she said something along the lines of "I'd be scared" in a joking way. I did come out to her later on in the school year and she seemed to accept me. I think that may be the reason why we stopped being so close after that... it all makes sense.
So today she shared a homophobic meme that had a picture of a bride and groom cake topper with a pink and blue background. I'm not even kidding, the text on that stupid thing read this: "Staight pride. It's natural! And you can have babies! Share if you agree." My anxiety just skyrocketed when I saw that. I honestly thought she was better than that. I replied to it, saying "That's not cool." and unfriended her. She ended up taking it down, but I can't ever be friends with her after that because that is what she truly believes. And not only that, our friendship wasn't real. If she was my friend, she would've remembered what I said to her in junior high. She would've been aware of all the transgender and other LGBTIQ+ posts I've been sharing on facebook. If she was my friend, she would've known my suicidal history and would've been there to help me out. But maybe she's right about one thing; maybe I really am a fool. I was so blinded by my naivety and my trust. I just try to see the best in everybody and I've been holding onto the hope that I have no people in my life who would discriminate against my true self. Turns out I'm wrong and facebook has let people show their true colors.
I ended up unfriending almost everyone I've known from jr.high/high school. Except for certain indivuals I know are allies (they went to Winnipeg Pride to show their support). This has happened in the past as well. A girl who was my best friend from grade five became very distant in high school. Our friendship basically evaporated and I think it was my fault. A new girl convinced me she was lying to me about her friends and boyfriends and I wrote an angry message to the friend mentioned earlier. I think she ended up throwing it on the floor and my other friend's classmates ended up finding it and showing it to her. I was a complete ass for not even asking her about anything, just jumping to conclusions like that, and when I apologized she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and that everything was okay. After that is when our friendship slowly withered away to nothing. That was my fault and I take the blame for what happened between us. I was HORRIBLE then and said terrible things I can't take back. But yeah, in high school she was one of the first people I came out to regarding being transgender. In 2005 I never heard the word transgender, but I had a strong feeling that I was never a girl and was thinking about hormones and surgery. Eleven years later, she writes a status on her 26th birthday that reads: "If transgender people can change their genders then I can change my age. #F*** 26 #FabulousForever". I didn't say anything to her and unfriended her, but I made a very lengthy public post about how this community is born the way we are and when people make jokes like that, it makes the truly hateful people think nobody cares about us and gives them a reason to murder us. I didn't mention that I'm transgender in that post because I have no idea how many more people I've known are against who I am. I unfriended my mom's cousin as well when she made a similar joke saying she's a rich woman in a poor woman's body. Microaggressions like that really make my blood boil. The thing that's most upsetting is the people who do this think we're a joke... it's as if they think our existence is funny. It's as if they blame us for getting discriminated against and murdered. Either that, or they're so ignorant not to realize how high the murder rate of transgender people is.
I've also unfriended other relatives for blatantly racist posts against refugees and indigenous people-- and this is in Canada. Lots of people here don't live up to the stereotype of Canadians being polite, kind and respectful. Just ask any Indigenous Canadian. Many of the reserves here have conditions that rival that of third world countries...
