almost constant tears ?

[Daria67]

It has been only a week since I came out to my family, friends, and co-workers. With a few exceptions I have received phenomenal support. I am wearing clothing I want to (not quite brave enough for skirts just yet) and feel amazing about it. I am getting referral for HRT ASAP. I do not look remotely female but I finally seem to have let myself feel like a real girl. (it was a real Pinocchio moment)
     There has been some sudden dysphoria and a flood of memory from my past, (not all of it bad!). I find myself feeling emotional almost constantly. Sadness, euphoria, giddiness, loss, anger... and it is taking nearly nothing to make me cry. I have been listening to music almost constantly to help calm myself.

I guess my real question is this: when can I expect this emotional roller coaster at least slow down?

[Amber42]

I have only come out to my wife, doctor and therapist.  I'm pre-HRT and I'm an emotional mess many days. 

Memories hit me, but also weird situations when I'm not sure how I would fit in if my new reality includes transition.

I'm in my mid 40s so there are lots of memories and a big reality that I must deal with, which is the life I've created and potentially can impact deeply.

I would say you should expect bouts of emotions for a while.  Not all bad though.  I find after a good crying, many times I start to think straight.  I guess it levels my mind.

I guess what I'm saying is that you're not strange.  It's normal.  Just remember that when you're down...keep telling yourself that there IS going to be a better day ahead...even if it doesn't seem possible.  Just keep reminding yourself.


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[islandgirl]

You took a big step coming out and excepting the woman you are! Transition can be a roller coaster to many of us. The goal is to understand and be able to seen the 'corners' and the 'ups and downs' before they come. Knowing that they will be there and being somewhat prepared for them can make dealing with all the emotions and different responses of those around you, easier.

One thing that is important is for you to look into a gender therapist. A therapist can really help you in gaining understanding and in solving problems as they come along.  I know for me, where I live,  meeting with a therapist was part of the process to getting to HRT, ID changes and in getting a referral for GRS. Be patient. You have taken a huge step on your journey and can now look forward. Enjoy the moment(s)!

[Daria67]

I saw a therapist today who, despite being open about her lack of experience with transgender people, was awesome. I will be seeing her regularly. I'm not sure there are any people locally who specialize. I have an appointment next week during which I will request a referral to an endocrinologist.

It is nice to know i am not alone. Reading similar stories is a real affirmation.

[Lady Sarah]

The roller coaster of feelings will subside. Don't worry too much about finding a specialist. I get my HRT through my primary care. Many primary care doctors do consult with specialists to save you the money of going elsewhere.

[Mariah]

The rollercoaster will subside but if not the doctor can make changes to the dose to level things out for you. Hugs
Mariah

[Jacqueline]

I was where you are a little over a year ago(except I was only just coming to grips with being trans at the age of 50). Came out to my wife. Started seeing a therapist who was not specifically a gender specialist. Started with HRT.

I found the HRT was helpful but I was still swinging to particularly dark spots. My therapist had a prescription written for an anti depressant. I fought it for almost a year. However, I must admit, it has helped greatly. I am feeling the effects of the HRT but the dark moments seem less dire and I am sleeping  the best I have in decades.

I hope you find a way to a smoother spot for yourself. I can't say what worked for me will work for you. I shared how we can address issues and make things easier for ourselves.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Ms Grace]

The roller coaster varies for everyone - it kind of depends on a whole lot of emotional factors. Just make sure you enter this process with realistic expectations about timelines and outcome, and, I can't stress this enough, with self-acceptance. Transition can be a bumpy road even when things go well, so use this forum to ask questions and for support.

[Rachel]

You are sharing a part of you with the world, it is new, exciting and scary.

Having a core of people I can talk to and get help from helped me a lot. Group also helped me too. I too fought anti depressants for 2.5 years but realized I needed to listen to my doctor and therapists.

I work in a large Hospital enterprise and that are absolutely awesome. My boss admitted to me he has personal issues with me being trans but he supports me and wants to see me do well ( the enterprise has 5 key values and diversity is in 5 of them, perhaps that helps).

It takes time to settle down and find your new normal.

[Daria67]

It is almost funny. I will think things are calming down then something will happen to trigger me and i'll start crying. I have very much found this forum and chat to be very self-affirming. It is amazing how much of a shared experience I recognize. I read link to a study someone had posted on ->-bleeped-<- and wow, did it ever hit home.