Disappointing God?

[SarahMarie1987]

Sometimes I feel like I am a disappointment to God. Or that I will be a disappointment to Him in some way. A lot of these feelings have to due with how I was raised religiously. I was raised Southern Baptist. This particular church put a lot emphasis on how "good" you had to be in order to please God. So it was a lot of pressure to be "perfect" and "good" as a kid.

Also I am adopted. But I have this intense feeling of not being wanted and being unloved. I was so consumed with being "good" and "perfect" in all aspects of my life, including my religious growth. I also buried my being as a trans woman and all of the feelings as a kid because I felt that would ultimately disappoint God as I learned and was taught.

I realize now that kind of religion was wrong. In fact, it was really hurtful for me developing a loving relationship with God. However, those teachings still run really deep in me. It is hard to not think that going forward in my transition journey and in my life that I will keep disappointing Him. I know rationally that is wrong to think that way. Because God made me transgender for His reasons. But I still feel like I would be disappointing Him.

Any advice or discussion would be very helpful and welcome. Thank you!

Love,
Sarah

[Marlee]

My thoughts are that we just need to be wary of the strong potential to become too self-centered. Being me, and not stressing about this or that about my look, it doesn't get in the way of my caring about others. And here exemplified in what I just wrote, supporting those who suffer strong dysphorias. Many of the people here on Susans are very supportive as well. I think the bad, in God's eyes are those who purposely give in to self-obsession and turn away from those around them that that are in need of help or support.

[EmilyMK03]

God loves you no matter what, even when you're not good.  Sure, He would like for you to be good, and He wants you to be good, but He loves you regardless.  It is one of the unique tenets of the Christian faith (compared to other world religions) that you do not need to do anything to enter heaven (unlike all the other major religions which require you to measure up to some standard of good works completion to be accepted by a god).  All you have to do is believe in Jesus - you know, the John 3:16 verse, more or less.

Also, I have a bit of a problem with the following statement you wrote:  "God made me transgender for His reasons."  In fact I disagree completely.  Let me explain.  I personally do not believe that God deliberately creates people with birth defects.  And to me, being transgender is a birth defect.  I should have been born anatomically as a female with a female brain, but instead I was born anatomically as a male with a female brain.  To me that's a birth defect, and I'm doing what I can to correct it.  I consider it a birth defect like a child that is born with a cleft palate.  Did God deliberately create babies born with a cleft palate?  No, I don't think God would deliberately do that.  Rather, I believe that we live in a fallen world (thanks Adam and Eve!), and so there is suffering as a result.

Looking at it that way, we are correcting a birth defect by transitioning genders.  We are less likely to be depressed, less likely to suffer from gender dysphoria, less likely to commit suicide, and more likely to lead fulfilling, productive lives by treating this condition.  And what better way to glorify God than to live a joyful life?  What better way to glorify God than to finally accept and love ourselves?  In loving and accepting ourselves we can then begin to love others, sharing the love that God has shown to us.

No, we are not disappointing God when we acknowledge who we are.  We stand before God, admit our imperfect body, our messy lives, and we strive to move forward regardless and live a life full of love for Him, ourselves, and others.  That doesn't sound like disappointing God to me.

Disappointing God would mean continuing to hide who we are, not being authentic and honest about who we are, and living a life of misery in the shadows.

[Deborah]

God judges the heart not the package it comes in.  He judges the intents behind the actions, not necessarily the actions themselves.  If you are trans then I cannot imagine that you being yourself can disappoint God.  He already knows who you are anyway.  Trying to hide it behind some facade only creates barriers.  As far as transitioning just ask yourself what are you hoping to accomplish.  If it's simply aligning mind and body, eliminating dysphoria, and becoming a better person to live a good life then I again cannot imagine God being disappointed with you making the best of the "talents" you were given.  On the other hand if there is some nefarious intent maybe he would be disappointed.  Examine your conscience and you will have the answer.

You have to become whole in order to fully come to God.  A mind broken by dysphoria is not whole so becoming whole through some transition is the only way to embrace the fullness.  I think this quote applies here, although its author might accuse me of abusing his intent LOL.

"Faith is above all the orderliness of reason, without which it loses its standard and the ability to judge its own goals. It seems to me, moreover, that in this connection the Bible places a special emphasis on the word "whole"—our whole heart, our whole soul, our whole mind, our whole strength, for only a relationship with the one God can make a person interiorly whole."
Joseph Ratzinger, Co-Workers of the Truth: Meditations for Every Day of the Year, ed. Irene Grassl, trans. Mary Frances McCarthy and Lothar Krauth (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1992), 226–227.

Do you feel condemnation from God or is it the condemnation of the Church?  You have to come to terms with that and it will require some lengthy introspection to be sure of your answer.    I had the same problem, feeling like a failure to God.  But I finally realized I was not getting this feeling from God, in fact in my prayers it was quite the opposite.  Rather the Church had convinced me that I was defective.  However much they fantasize their importance though the Church is not God.  In the bigger scheme of things their words and opinions mean absolutely nothing.  Try to internalize this next quote I recently read and saved.

" MY CHILD, trust firmly in the Lord, and do not fear the judgment of men when conscience tells you that you are upright and innocent. For it is good and blessed to suffer such things, and they will not weigh heavily on the humble heart that trusts in God rather than in itself. Many men say many things, and therefore little faith is to be put in them.
Likewise, it is impossible to satisfy all men. Although Paul tried to please all in the Lord, and became all things to all men, yet he made little of their opinions. He labored abundantly for the edification and salvation of others, as much as lay in him and as much as he could, but he could not escape being sometimes judged and despised by others. Therefore, he committed all to God Who knows all things, and defended himself by his patience and humility against the tongues of those who spoke unjustly or thought foolish things and lies, or made accusations against him. Sometimes, indeed, he did answer them, but only lest his silence scandalize the weak.
Who are you, then, that you should be afraid of mortal man? Today he is here, tomorrow he is not seen. Fear God and you will not be afraid of the terrors of men. What can anyone do to you by word or injury? He hurts himself rather than you, and no matter who he may be he cannot escape the judgment of God. Keep God before your eyes, therefore, and do not quarrel with peevish words.
If it seems, then, that you are worsted and that you suffer undeserved shame, do not repine over it and do not lessen your crown by impatience. Look instead to heaven, to Me, Who have power to deliver you from all disgrace and injury, and to render to everyone according to his works."
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, 1996), 173–174.

And for all the other things in which you actually have disappointed God, and every one of us has a collection of those things, just be contrite and ask for mercy and it will be given.

May God have mercy on us, and bless us: may he cause the light of his countenance to shine upon us, and may he have mercy on us.
Psalm 66:1

[Lady Sarah]

What is God's will? God gave you the brain you have. If that brain got the inclination that you were the wrong gender, is that not God's will? Is acting on that inclination against God's will?

People in church may judge you by what they think they know about you. However, the Bible says "judge not, lest ye be judged". When they do that, they violate God's will. Only you know your personal relationship with God. The hypocrites have no business trying to tell you otherwise.

[Del]

Sarah,
If we are honest with ourselves we all have failed God as it is written all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Even Solomon said there is no man that sinneth not. The creature was made subject to vanity and in need of a Saviour.

God didn't make people transgender according to scripture. He created Adam and from Adam made Eve. They are listed as being good in his sight. Not all people.

After sin entered into the word the world was repopulated in sin. As David said I was shapen in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me. This is why when Jesus passed a man blind from his birth and the diciples asked saying who did sin, this man or his parents that he was born blind Jesus answered and said he was born that way for the glory of God.

That man waited all of the years to be healed of his blindness. As a cisgender I do believe that transgender people can be changed but that is easy for me to say as I am not transgender and have no idea what you all feel. The Lord does though.

I say all of that to say this. First off, I do not judge you as that is not my place. Only the Lord has that right. I am just thankful I do not have such.

Secondly, since we all have sinned in one way or another the main thing is that we attempt to walk in faith trusting the Lord. The actual list of abominations is very wide and cover many things cisgender people do in the very churches throwing stones at transgender people. Therefore, it is safe to say that since we all have sinned and committed an abomination at one time or another (and many still do) who is man to judge? Warn, yes but judge, no. As written, why beholdest thou the mote in thy neighbor's eye and not the beam in thine own?

Since we all have failed God at one time or another the worst thing we can do is dwell on it. The word of God says that we should walk in faith and whatsoever we do we should do it as unto the Lord. It is written they overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. Not being cisgender. If we could be perfect Christ would not have had to die for our sins.

Last week made a video from Galatians 6:1 about considering ourselves. When made it public it naturally didn't get many views and the Facebook one went over like a lead balloon with Christians. The main point being, we all need to consider others and what they go through. Contrary to what some say every day isn't as Friday and try as we might that positive confession won't remove being transgender any more than it will remove things I wish would change with me. Sadly, most straight cisgender Christians do not wish to hear they commit abominations and must consider others lest they be tempted. Many would cave in if they woke up feeling you all do.

I guess the bottom line is that only Adam and Eve were created good before sinning. Only Christ Jesus our Lord was created perfect, holy, without spot, sinless and righteous and good altogether as the express image of God his Father. Not one of us can equal that. We will drive ourselves crazy if we try.

The best thing any of us can do is to try to please God relying on his mercy when (not if) we fail. As Micah said, "rejoice not against me, oh mine enemies WHEN I fall." A great prophet and yet admitted he would fall at times also saying when he sat in darkness at those times the Lord would be his light. He is your light as well. Regardless of what faces us or what our sin is the main thing is that we do not give up. Too many feel they are a disappointment and quit. The Lord said "He that endureth unto the end, the same shall be saved." If we never feel disappointment, failure, pain, trials and tribulations we shall never "endure unto the end." And that is not scriptural regardless of what some may wish.

I wish you well and hope that you will hang in there. Love the Lord, do the best you can, serve the Lord and hope in his mercy like us cis folk do and may God bless kiddo.

[EmilyMK03]

As a cisgender I do believe that transgender people can be changed but that is easy for me to say as I am not transgender and have no idea what you all feel. The Lord does though.

What do you mean when you say that you "believe that transgender people can be changed"?  Please clarify.

[Del]

Emily,
What I mean by that is that just as the Lord delivered me from being a drunk and healed others from Cancer, MS and other things he can make a transgender person cisgender.

As I say that is easy for me to say as I am not transgender. I was a drunk however and have experienced deliverance from that as well as from PTSD from other issues in my life.

Do I believe he will do so?

As far as I am concerned he may do that for some and may not. That is up to him. If we are truly Christians we must except that he has all say and not us.

If he does change a transgender person great. Praise the Lord. If he does not, I hope they do not give up. Just as I have had healings and deliverance from some things I have not in others. Still in all, he is Lord and I keep going.

It's easy for those with no outward infirmities to pass judgment on others while overlooking their own needs. Anyone can do that. Just as anyone can love the Lord when everything in their life is fine but true love is when one can still love the Lord while struggling with infirmities and afflictions and problems in day to day life.

The remark you mention was not meant to be taken as one of the holier-than-thou people who are out to convert others or look down a pious nose at others. Merely that I do believe that with God all things are possible as in Luke 1: 37.

I hope this helps explain what I meant.

[EmilyMK03]

Del, that is exactly what I suspected you meant, but I did not want to assume without clarification.  Your response is also exactly the type of response I expected.

It's what I expected because I always hear the same thing from Christian pastors, ministers, and leaders.  They warn and condemn transgender people as living in sin, while providing no solutions to our struggles.

Let's look at alcoholism, since you mentioned it in your post.  If, for example, someone is struggling with alcoholism, there are proven treatment plans and support groups for it.  I know that Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by Christians and spirituality is often used to help addicts.  That's great, and I'm glad that Christians did something to help them.

Or how about cancer, since you mentioned that too?  There are proven medical treatments to treat cancer, such as chemotherapy.

And now what about transgender people?  Some of us (like me) transition medically, legally, and socially to our opposite gender, because it is accepted as appropriate medical treatment by the medical and psychological professional community.  Should we not seek medical treatment for our condition?  Is that not the right thing to do?  What would you have us do instead?  Just pray about it?  Is that what you tell your congregation when they're struggling with alcoholism or cancer?  Just to pray about it and not seek proven medical treatment and support groups?  Simply "praying about it and trusting in the mystery of God" doesn't work for the transgender condition.  It does nothing to reduce the 41% suicide rate among transgender individuals.

I am so sick and tired of Christians telling transgender people to "love God" and "trust God" without offering any real solutions to the transgender community.  If Christian leaders TRULY cared about "curing" transgender people, they'd be trying to form groups like Alcoholics Anonymous to really get to know trans people, love them, be friends with them, and do life with them.  They'd be funding medical research to get to the biological basis for ->-bleeped-<-, so that a "cure" could be found.  But no, they do not do these things!  Instead they just support discriminatory bathroom laws at worst and preach generic love and trust sermons at best, without taking any real action to support and help the transgender community.

[Del]

I am sorry that you misunderstand my meaning as these issues really go too far to go into at once.

I would hope that you take note I never said not to transition or do anything else which might help you.

As for what others deem alcoholism when I was a drunk (I do not water it down) I knew exactly what it is or was. They don't call it "spirits" for a reason. I fully understood that it was stemming from a spirit and not an addiction. I do not trust AA as while some facilities have well meaning Christians others do not. I wouldn't seek man's answers to a problem the Lord showed me wasn't carnal. At least in my case. With me it was a spirit and I knew when I was delivered from it. I will not say that is the case with every drunk though.

Some of these things I do not go into because of the response I got from you. I know gay and transgender people have been hurt by Christians but that is why my answer was geared at giving hope and not condemnation. There is too much of that. I'm sorry if most ministers have let you down and most Christians have hurt you but that is not my intention as I do have transgender friends whom I love very much. I can't go into details but there are transgender issues which are rather close to me in one fashion or another and that is why I do not judge or turn from transgender friends. Their soul is just as important as any cisgender person's soul.

If you are seeking what can be done about being transgender I think you already know as you have stated in your comment as to what you are seeking. Scripturally, I refuse to use clobber passages and such and if praying about some things and trusting the Lord is the best help I can give so be it. Some do appreciate that while some do not.

As for Cancer, my dad died of Cancer and I have it. I watched friends and family die from it and grieved as they spent their last years going through Chemo and feeling like hell sick as a dog. That is why I turned such down as I would rather spend my remaining days enjoying my family, friends and flock. If others wish to try to prolong their days I don't judge them nor even speak against it as only the Lord can judge and heal. In like manner that is why I do not judge nor speak against transition. Only the Lord can judge and heal.

When it is all said and done if Cancer is healed or a transgender is changed it is the power of the Lord to do so. If they choose to transition I may not agree but will not quit praying for them just as how I have rejected further testing and treatment I hope others would do for me. I don't mention my own infirmity as it really doesn't matter to me. Rather than get on a woe is me kick I would rather spend my time enjoying life with those I love, giving a hope to others with the seemingly impossible and making sure my soul is right with God.

I hope this gives a better explanation of how I look at transgender issues. Like Cancer, each have their own thoughts and plan of action. Jesus Christ can cure each and if he does great. Praise the Lord. If not, those afflicted by each should continue to walk in faith and trust the one who died for their sins.

Other transgender people can of course give you better answers medicinally or psychologically but that's not my area of help. All I can do is offer help in the form of hope using scripture without being judgmental or condemning.

May God bless.

[stephaniec]

God = Love, humans create hate

[Deborah]

Note: This is not directed at Del or any other specific person.  Del is genuine and deserves no reprobation.  He has been a great help to me here.  These are simply my thoughts directed at the Christian world in general.

Telling a transsexual person that God will heal them if they pray is akin to telling a drowning person that if they just hold their breath they will be safe.

It is CRUEL and holds out a rope of FALSE hope.

It destroys faith when after years and decades of prayer, God has done nothing.

It misrepresents God's will.  It bears false witness.  It takes the Lord's name in vain.

If it were not false witness then someone might step forward with some evidence that this prayer had actually worked.  But there are dozens of people on this site alone that can stand and bear witness that it DOES NOT WORK.  It does not work after praying one time.  It does not work after praying daily for 45 years, longer than God punished the Jews in Sinai.  It does not work after praying right up to the moment of one's last breath.  At best it can simply fill a person with enough guilt that they repress it to the point that their life is a constant droning misery, bereft of joy and hope.  Do you propose that this is what God wants?

If one believes that it should work then why doesn't it?  Do you believe that our prayers are not serious?  I can assure you that you will not find anyone praying with more heartfelt seriousness anywhere.  Do you assume our faith is simply weak?  On what basis do you conclude that?  Are you God with the power to read our hearts?  Or is everyone with an unanswered prayer bereft of faith?  In that case then then tell us that faith is a phantasm, it exists nowhere.  Or will you stand with John Calvin and tell us this is evidence of our eternal predestination unto damnation?  Be bold with your words so that we might waste no more time.

Perhaps you are simply wrong.  Perhaps the scriptures don't say what you think they say and God's will isn't what you think it is.  Perhaps we actually do know what is in our minds and in God's view there is nothing wrong with it at all. 

That he doesn't answer these prayers is a statement of fact.  So take your stand on why this is and stop with with the meaningless equivocations.  They do not help us at all.  They leave us bursting with the frustration of knowing that nobody is listening and nobody truly understands.

Christian theology proposes that there is a unity between body and soul.  You will agree that with us this unity is disrupted.  You will agree that we should take some action to restore this unity so that we might unite with God in wholeness.  We agree with those things also.  We have tried your way of healing this disunion, some of us for many decades, and it is an utter failure leaving us in broken despair.  Why can't you just consider that our way might be God's will, or at least not violate his will in any way; that it might be the only way we can feel this elusive wholeness that you so easily take for granted.  That is all we want, to feel whole.  Where is the wrongness in that?

[EmilyMK03]

I grew up in a loving Christian family.  My parents were married and in their early 20's when they accepted Christ through the work of an American missionary couple in Korea.  My parents thought that they'd take the opportunity to learn English from the missionaries, but it also turned into an opportunity for them to come to know Jesus as their savior.

My parents moved to the US when I was a young child, and we made a new life here in the States.  I remember every night they would read a story from a "children's bible" to me as my bedtime story.  My parents were heavily involved in church life and activities.  Their social life has always revolved around the church and still does.  I grew up in that environment and I loved it too.  I had so many friends at church and looked forward not only to Sundays, but Friday evening gatherings during my high school days.

I know the Bible.  Yes, I've read it cover to cover.  And I've lead small groups, bible study groups, children's sunday school, and vacation bible study classes in the past.  And all through my life, as much as I participated in and loved the church, I wrestled with my transgender identity.  I prayed daily for decades for God to take away these transgender thoughts and feelings so that I might live as a man of God, to find and marry a woman, and be the husband and father I was taught to be.  But my prayers went unanswered, and I grew despondent as I neared my 40's.  I tried to date women (I had no trouble finding dates, as I was good-looking, had a good career, and had a great reputation in the church and Korean community), but I could not put my heart into it.  Mothers in the church approached me and literally begged me to date their daughters.  But I couldn't do it, knowing the weight I carried in my heart.

So I abstained from dating and resigned myself to never get married - to live a solitary, lonely life of celibacy.  I abstained from sex too (I am still a virgin at 39 yrs old).  I tried and tried as much as I could to deny what I was taught were sinful thoughts and feelings.  Believe me, it is not easy to remain single and a virgin for 39 years.  But I did it through sheer force of will and determination to be a man of God, as the church taught me to be.

Finally, I couldn't do it any longer.  I had become a desperate, despondent, and depressed shell of a person.  I lived my life with no joy or hope for the future.  I had no motivation to continue working, despite my great career.  So I quit my job, remained unemployed, and decided to drown myself in addictions until I killed myself.

It wasn't until then, at the depths of my despair, that I finally allowed myself to explore my gender identity.  And now, here I am, having fully accepted that I am a transgender woman.  I am transitioning and have blossomed into the woman I really am.  I accept that this is who I am and I finally love myself for it.  I accept that God still loves me, and I once again strive to glorify God in my life.  The church failed me, but God did not.  He saved me from my despair and gave me renewed hope to live my life as a woman.

I know it will be difficult, but I want to be involved in the church again.  I long for Christian fellowship.  But it's really hard to do when there is so much misunderstanding and misconceptions in the faith community about people like me.

It is my hope that the next generation of children growing up in the church will not have to suffer like I did.  That churches around the country and around the world will take active steps to embrace and love transgender people for who they are instead of condemning it as a disease that needs to be cured or prayed away.  There is no need for additional suffering created by man.

[Lady Sarah]

When I think back to before age 5, I can remember many of the countless nights I prayed that I would wake up as a girl. No amount of church or therapy ever changed that.

The phrase "God helps those whom help themselves" comes to mind. Transition was the only thing that could have ever made me feel, or present myself, as anything near "normal".

There is also a passage that says "if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee..." Such would dictate that staying the way I was would surely land me in the lake of fire, as I hated myself and everything about myself prior to transition.

[Deborah]

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness;
Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Ge 1:26.

You say we are created in God's image and that any medical transition to address being transsexual violates this image and God's will.  So, let us examine what being created in God's image means.

Man is different from and superior to the animals in that he alone is made in the image (tselem) and likeness (damuth) of God. This is the only place in the Old Testament where these two terms are used in conjunction with one another. The first Hebrew term comes from a root meaning "to carve, cut off." The general significance is that man is closely patterned after his Maker. The second term is merely supplementary to or explanatory of the first term.  The combination of terms refers to man's intellectual, spiritual, volitional, and ethical capacity. In short the combination "image and likeness" refers to all that sets man apart from the animal kingdom. Neither term refers to man's body. God is an incorporeal Spirit (John 1:18; 1 Tim 6:16). He does not have a body analogous to that of man.
James E. Smith, The Pentateuch, 2nd ed., Old Testament Survey Series (Joplin, MO: College Press Pub. Co., 1993), 56–57.

I looked this up in multiple different sources and they all say the same thing.  The Christian understanding of being made in God's image is that God's image resides in the mind wherein lies our, "intellectual, spiritual, volitional, and ethical capacity."

Now the medical sciences have advanced far enough that we can say with certainty that whatever the precise source of one's gender identity is it is something formed in the brain before birth and the cause is the epigenetic interactions of hormones on the developing child's genes.  This is simply fact and to ignore it as a starting point for the conversation communicates that one has an agenda other than truth.

What we, and the medical establishment, propose is that in order to resolve the mind body disunity the solution is to modify the body to the extent currently possible so that it and the mind become a unified whole.

We can restate this in a theological sense by stating that we will leave the element created in God's image intact and modify that which is not in God's image. 

What a majority of Christians propose is that our image of God is corrupt and must be modified to come into alignment with that other element that was never the image of God to begin with.  You even propose medical intervention to alter our minds through conversion therapies which have included such methods as electroshock therapy to the brain.

Your position doesn't make any sense at all in this light.  Who is doing God's will when you propose to destroy God's image and it is we who propose to preserve it.

You might say our understanding of our created mind, our innate image of God is mistaken.  But you have no basis for this statement other than it disagrees with your preconceived notions.  My mind is intact.  I know myself.  Yet you claim to know my mind better than I do.  If I were to make some outlandish claim about what was in your mind, some claim that you innately know to be false, you would ignore my words.  Well, that works in both directions.

Male and female he created them!  Yes, I agree.  So why do you want us to be in some in between state that causes us long term distress.  Is it that you don't believe what you can't see?  You deny that which is not physically visible.  Or that the sum total of man is his external physical appearance?  If so, I refer you back to Genesis 1:26.

[SarahMarie1987]

I did not expect this thread to get to this intense. I do like hearing other people's opinions. Which is why I posted here. After reading everyone's thoughts and doing some prayers, I have thoughts.

I do know that I am trans. God did make me this way, to borrow that bit of malarkey I have heard over and over from church culture.

Something I mentioned to my therapist during my last session was how transitioning is a way for me to show the woman I am really am. However, that is not my only goal for my life. It is the self acceptance and self love that I am working on. I feel that goes hand in hand with a loving God, at least the God I am seeing now. That God loves me, and in turn I love others and myself with the same love.

But I cannot do that with this disappointment feeling that is inside of me, presently. I am working on it though. I have a good support system of friends and God is guiding me towards good things. I need to open my eyes and heart more. Are there going to be disappointments when I transition in the future? Yes. There are in every life, not just mine. Believing in God does not guarantee us a pain free life. God gives us the strength and love to move forward away from pain and the disappoints we feel about ourselves.

Again, thanks for sharing all your thoughts and opinions. They were very enlightening to me.

[Del]

The old preachers taught me that it's hard to preach healing when you pray for healing and it doesn't come. That proves belief in a different sense.

In my case as I listed above I have some serious medical issues. As I watch my health gradually decline I pray to be healed if this is God's will. I do so as Jesus prayed in the garden, not my will but thine be done. Making sure I want only the Lord's will over my own. So far it has not come but has gradually gotten worse. But, I still believe the Lord could heal me. If this infirmity was being a transgender there would be a possibility that I would transition to do my best to keep my best state of mind and avoid suicide. As it is with different issues I have chosen not to continue testing and medical treatment for my own personal reasons.

The reason I say all of this is because God has healed others with what I have and others have died from what I have. I can't conclude and say all have died, he doesn't answer prayers, but that some died and some lived.

In like manner I have had heard of some transsexual people who have been healed and other (many really) who have not. If I consider myself knowing what I state above the last thing I should believe is that God can't or won't answer anyone's prayers but that it is up to him.

In both cases both transgender and mine the main thing is to not give up on believing in the Lord and his ability to give us eternal life. To not give up on having faith in the Son of God. These were some of the things I tried to help Deborah with as would hate to see anyone give up or turn away because a prayer or many prayers were not answered. Also, I do know that the Lord does know some of the people here and therefore I would never wish to discourage them.

The sad truth of Christianity is that too many never consider themselves in a matter when it comes to others. They are quick to criticize and give half hearted answers which I personally believe are designed to make them a super Christian or legend in their own mind or out of hate, anger or ignorance. The result is not a people who are growing in faith but a people angered and hating the church which should have helped them from the beginning. People so hurt the last person they wish to talk to is cisgender, straight or Christian.

I would hope that everyone who is a Christian would continue in faith whether their prayers are answered or not. And just because the Lord does not answer a prayer about being changed to cisgender think he doesn't answer any prayers. There are many variables when it comes to prayers about the things in our lives it can't all be put into a one answer fits all group.

Sadly, some times we have to make the best decisions we can and rely on the grace of God if we are wrong. What is better, to live in torment and fight thoughts of suicide or transition? What is better, in my case, to seek every form of medical help for an illness or say let the will of the Lord be done? I think if we are mature and honest and true Christians we can see that since every part of the body of Christ is different having different strengths and weaknesses we all may come to a different answer for our self. Once again, as Christians, what is the main thing to focus on regardless of our answer? To continue to walk in faith and trust the Lord to save our soul and love him whether he heals us or not. After all, the Lord didn't say "he that is straight and cisgender shall be saved." He said "he that endureth unto the end shall be saved." To continue in faith and love the Lord and trust him with our soul. Whether one transitions or not or seeks medical help or not as in my case.

I haven't mentioned it in times past but at one time I did have a lesbian and a MtF transsexual attending my services. We prayed about their feelings and such but I never shunned them or told them to leave or belittled them. They gradually moved away and now the very few that attend are straight and cisgender. Still, those people are friends and they know that I esteemed their soul just as important as that of the others. We still talk from time to time though not as often since they moved. Transgender folk are welcome at my services as we all need Jesus for salvation.

Therefore, while some times my posts ramble or hit and miss and I may appear to post against what transgender people believe, I do tend to agree with some aspects of how transgenders feel about scripture while disagreeing in some as well. When it is all said and done the most important thing is that we continue in faith and love the Lord whether things go well or not.

May God bless.

[Del]

While I am up tonight thinking about these things I would like to share a few thoughts.

The biggest problems in the Christian church isn't gays, transsexuals, cisgenders, straight people and such.

The biggest problems in the Christian church today is pride and greed.

Today too many proud people look down their nose at others forgetting that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Too many lust after money and preach that which fills pews. Too many preach a perverted gospel.

What did the original apostles preach? What did the original churches preach? Paul wrote the preaching of the cross is foolishness to them that are lost. He said he was set for the defense and confirmation of the gospel. Picking and choosing which sins or problems to justify and / or overlook and which ones to use clobber passages against is not preaching the cross. Telling people they are going to hell is not preaching the gospel.

If a person truly preaches Christ from the law and prophets he will be preaching who Jesus is, why he came to live and die in this world and what he fulfilled for us.

I'll give you two examples of preaching. Read both short comments and ask yourself which one is preaching the cross. Then maybe you can see why so many Christians are so judgmental towards others. Why so many throw stones while doing worse.

Example #1: Mankind shall not lie with mankind as with woman kind for all who do such is an abomination unto the Lord. Yep, them gays and transgenders, dopers and drunks are going to hell. Them women who wear pants are too. Every day can be as Friday and if you send in $29.95 for that teaching tape God will give you a million dollars back.

Example #2: The word of God says let the peace of God dwell in your heart. Micah said they shall smite the judge of Israel on the cheek with a rod and that this man shall be the peace. Ephesians 2: 14 says that he shall be our peace having nailed the law to his cross and made of twin one new man thereby making peace. Since Christ is that peace and holds the covenant of peace and since Christ dwells in our hearts by faith we can see that when it is written to allow the peace of God to rule in our heart it means let Christ rule in our heart. We can see this as the church is the bride of Christ and just as the second Adam, Jesus was prophesied through allegories of the first Adam we see when God told Eve thy husband shall rule over thee it shows that the church should allow Christ or the peace of God rule in our hearts by faith or rule over us.

So, which of these manifested Christ through the law and prophets and which one was just carnally minded?

That is the difference between preaching the cross or gospel and just getting up giving a carnal sermon in pride and / or greed to pack pews. Keep the majority of those who know no better happy at the expense of others. Never showing who Jesus is, why he came to earth or what he fulfilled. Also, I don't see anything in example #2 that would be clobber passages against gays and transgenders.

He was the only atoning Lamb of sacrifice of the first year without spot acceptable in the eyes of God to make the sacrifice for our sins. He was created a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death yet crowned with all glory and honor and he alone wears the breastplate of judgment and has the right to make intercession on our behalf unto God. Regardless of what we face or how bad our life gets or what kind of decisions we make let us always strive to follow him in faith and trust him with out eternal salvation of our soul. Let him be glorified and let him be our light and life.

May God bless.

[Cin]

I personally don't think God made me trans, but there have been times where I've been thankful because I can understand what "different from the norm" kind of people are going through. I wouldn't have spent this much time learning about identity disorders and stuff if I was not trans.

I think I have disappointed God several times, not because of who I am, but what I did,  but I think God instantly forgives you if you give him another chance.

I stopped believing in God for a while and I'm so much worse than before, but I'm back on track and I'm feeling better.

Just be yourself and be good, keep believing.

[Deborah]

I tried to stop believing too and while I had all the right words and thoughts, and I learned all the anti- God arguments, my heart really wasn't behind the whole thing.  It was really based more on a deep anger than any intellect and I then tried to use the intellect to justify the anger.

Thanks to Del I came to realize the anger wasn't really with God but rather with institutional Christianity.  So with his help I was able to get over it.

My faith is back although I think it has changed somewhat.  Before, it was pretty rigid to align with established theology.  Now I feel free to contemplate God independently.  I still use the theology as a framework but no longer feel obligated to strictly believe any specific dogma simply because it was handed down  from an ancient, or modern, committee.