"Transier Than Thou"

[JenniferLopezgomez]

Few people in real life can detect I am a trans lady at this point -- except for GRS vagina surgery when I happen to get hold of 20 thousand dollars or so, I'd say my transition if fully complete. 
Probably this is what most trans ladies strive for, right ? To simply be accepted as a LADY in all aspects of life -- shopping, work, going out clubbing, school/university, romantic relationships, and so on.

I feel that transitioning is MUCH harder in the early stages, largely due to discrimination and bullying against newer trans ladies by both cis (non-trans) people as well as trans people. For many trans ladies I have known, one major source of hate or attack has been people they knew before transitioning who don't accept their transition. Another source of such bullying or hate is misplaced use of religion against one who preach that "being trans is against God's Will." I have had both of these forms of bullying and hate used against me.

One sad aspect in the trans world is that I have seen in real life, but much more frequently online, is hate and bullying against trans ladies by other trans ladies. Especially online I've seen dozens of newer trans ladies hated on and bullied by other trans ladies, in many different trans places online.

My advice to newer trans ladies is this:
I first approached my transition to womanhood about 3 years ago with high enthusiasm and eagerness to meet as many trans ladies as I could online and then later in person. Many trans ladies in different online places gave me great advice and help in various aspects of this highly complex process we call transitioning.

But I also encountered, unfortunately, among many more experienced trans ladies, severe skepticiam against me, a sort of "transier than thou" attitude. Very sad. I saw this happen online to many other newer trans ladies, not just me.

Newer trans ladies should be forewarned that although most trans ladies will be supportive of your transition, a significant minority of trans ladies can and will bully you and hate on you, for various reasons. One of the ways this occurs is via what we can call "intentional misgendering." "Intentional misgendering" means that someone who knows you are a genuine trans lady insists on repeatedly calling you a "man" which is highly derogatory and has caused some trans ladies I have known to either attempt suicide, or seriously consider attempting suicide. This happened a-plenty against me in the early stages of my transition. Medical-grade hormones take awhile to change one's physical appearance of face, boobs, and so on to look feminine. In the meantime, newer genuine trans ladies should be emotionally ready to handle all haters and bullies against you -- whether the haters and bullies are trans people or cis (non-trans) people. I advise discovering who your true trans friends are so they can help you emotionally survive intentional misgendering against you from any source, cis or trans.

As I moved further along in my transition I started to experience another form of hate and attacks -- and I've seen this happen to other trans ladies as well. Females, both trans and cis (non-trans) unfortunately can act very jealous sometimes. I found that as I achieved some significant successes in my transition, that despite having hundreds of great trans friends both in person and online, a significant number of online trans ladies disliked some aspect of how I was conducting my transition -- either they didn't think that a trans lady my age should appear in a pageant, or they didn't like how I dress (sexy young is my usual preference and I now have the body to pull this off successfully), or were jealous I appeared on television, didn't agree with my strongly pro-trans, anti-racist progressive political viewpoints, and so on. Others even seemed to hate on my significant achievement of my legal gender change on my passport. I got repeatedly intentionally misgendered as a "man" to the point that a few times I entered severe emotional depression and became suicidal. Newer trans ladies should be aware that this is a risk for you as well, sorry to say. Seek your true trans friends to give you emotional support in case this happens to you. Just because a person is trans doesn't necessarily make them your friend -- as sadly I learned through rather disheartening personal experiences -- and I've observed this happening, mostly online, to many other genuine trans ladies as well.

My advice to newer trans ladies is this: When you reach the point in your transition when you begin to have some major successes, don't let haters destroy your happiness, your success, your emotions, and your life. The subject HOW to do this is complex and I won't get into detail about THAT aspect here. Maybe in a different thread sometime I will address the HOW in more detail.

Newer genuine trans ladies -- continue your great journey to womanhood if this is what you need in your life.

Don't let the bullies and haters and naysayers get you down emotionally -- whether those haters against you might be other trans people or cis (non-trans) people.

Any newer trans ladies are welcome to inbox me if you would like some more support from me personally -- or publicly here if you prefer.

Lovingly,
Jennifer Lopezgomez
July, 2016.

[Sarah_wannabe]

Great topic  I feel this applies less to me since I haven't experienced any systemic bullying or hate speech yet, which may come in the future as I go into real life transitioning.

I'd like to ask you however how you would deal with coming out or being transgender in a college course full of guys who are quite frankly quite inmature most of the time.

So far I've decided since I am taking my exam next year that I wont really consider coming out until I finish and start my new educational course.

What is your idea/opinion on that?

~Sarah

[JenniferLopezgomez]

Great topic  I feel this applies less to me since I haven't experienced any systemic bullying or hate speech yet, which may come in the future as I go into real life transitioning.

I'd like to ask you however how you would deal with coming out or being transgender in a college course full of guys who are quite frankly quite inmature most of the time.

So far I've decided since I am taking my exam next year that I wont really consider coming out until I finish and start my new educational course.

What is your idea/opinion on that?

~Sarah

Hi Sarah, There is a lot to be said for handling MAJOR transitioning in real life heavily among people who didn't know you in your previous gender. Many trans ladies I've known have handled it this way.

Sometimes this can be done by staying in the same city but get to know people who ONLY see you in person when you are dressed as your true female self. You can also accomplish this by moving to a new city, region, or even another country.

I actually moved to another COUNTRY to go full-time 24 / 7 Jennifer. Where people ONLY knew me as beautiful JENNIFER. It worked out for me, overall, with many bumps along the way which is quite typical.

In YOUR case, yeah, in a new educational course few people would know you are trans -- in part depending on how well you can pass as female.  But, you sound younger than I am, and passing as female early in a transition is almost always easier when you are younger because you have fewer years of testosterone damage to overcome.

You might try to get your legal name change at a minimum, and preferably your legal gender change, prior to starting your new educational course. HOW to do that is complex but it is doable -- many here can help you with that part. I advise this so that in class you are called by your correct female name without necessarily having to tell very many people you are trans -- unless you want to.

Another factor is -- emotionally, can you wait that long ? In the final analysis, only YOU and you alone can make that decision.

Hugs,
Jennifer xx

[Sarah_wannabe]

Thank you for the quick response! I'm 18 at the moment and I am hopefully getting hormone treatment in or around October so that would leave me with a bit less than a year of HRT. I think if I don't sound arrogant that I might be more passable as I've had quite a few awkward situations where it has happened and people quickly apologies when they hear my voice which is arguably the worst thing/non-passable obstacle.

I will ask my gender psychologist who is helping me transition if it's possible to change my legal name and gender for when I head into my next educational course  I've come to understand even from just waiting each month for my appointment with the gender psychologist is that it isn't easy to wait too long and it takes a toll.

Actually I don't mind sharing a picture of my terrible done make up from a month ago:

[Amber42]

Thank you for the quick response! I'm 18 at the moment and I am hopefully getting hormone treatment in or around October so that would leave me with a bit less than a year of HRT. I think if I don't sound arrogant that I might be more passable as I've had quite a few awkward situations where it has happened and people quickly apologies when they hear my voice which is arguably the worst thing/non-passable obstacle.

I will ask my gender psychologist who is helping me transition if it's possible to change my legal name and gender for when I head into my next educational course  I've come to understand even from just waiting each month for my appointment with the gender psychologist is that it isn't easy to wait too long and it takes a toll.

Actually I don't mind sharing a picture of my terrible done make up from a month ago:

Unless my eyes are playing tricks, but you are quite passable today!  Can only get better.


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[Lady Sarah]

On one trans website that I do not frequent as much as I used to, intentional misgendering by other trans women has no connection to how long one may have been trans. It usually boils down to how miserable their own lives are. The insults hurled are a reflection of that, meant to denigrate everyone else, and make them just as miserable. As they say, "misery loves company".

When I first started my transition, I went to a support group. It was anything but supportive. Certain members would say, "you will never pass, I can tell". I would ask "how?". Their answers were completely irrelevant.

At this stage in my life, I would never hang out in public with trans women. This is because of prior experiences. The last thing I need is some miserable wretch outing me in public, just because she had a bad day or something.

Most trans women may never do that, but all it takes is just that one bad apple. I have already put a doctor I used to see on notice via the Texas Medical Board, when he outed me to another one of his patients.

[V]

I must live on another planet, or in my own little bubble, because I've never experienced bullying or abusive attacks because I was trans. I didn't change any part of my life at all when I transitioned (apart from the obvious things), my family all accepted me, I stayed in the same job I had before, I just had a 2 week gap before returning to work as female. Of course I worked with my HR department for a year in advance to make sure this went as smoothly as possible. I received no abuse, only support, and I work in an industry that is predominantly male. Sure there were difficult and awkward moments, and times where I haven't 'passed', but never to the point where it adversely affected my life badly.
My trans friends were all very supportive of me, as I was of them, there was no jealousy or bullying.
I didn't have a lot of friends anyway, as I'm quite introvert (ASD), and I didn't have any cis-female friends at all, but after transitioning I made female friends much more easily and have kept them too.
I have lost 'friends' and acquaintances through transitioning, but you have to let them go, and move on.
The biggest loss I had was my best friend (a guy), and we had been very close friends and travelled extensively together, for years. He just couldn't accept it, and cut me out of his life completely and immediately when I told him. I hadn't even transitioned at that point, but he said he was too afraid of what his parents thought, and we parted company, and have never spoken again. That really hurt, but even then he wasn't nasty to me, he just couldn't deal with it.
The one and only time I've been verbally heckled in the street was years after I transitioned, and a few years after my op, and that was for looking like (in their eyes) a 'lesbian', and not for being trans at all. As I don't generally dress in a very feminine style, I often have the 'jeans and t-shirt' look, and I was out shopping in a busy shopping centre, and a group of teenage girls started shouting things like "Lesbian!" "Dyke!", and other such stuff, because I guess they thought I looked like such a person, not that something like that can usually be seen. And even though I'm not a lesbian, I wasn't upset because I hadn't been misgendered.
I do keep myself to myself these days, I'm not "out and proud", I don't try to campaign or fly any TG flag or change people's views. When I first transitioned I did all of these things, I was held up as an example of a successful "diversity at work" campaign, I was featured in the company newsletter, I attended TG support groups, helped other people to gain confidence and transition. I was even featured in a documentary on television.
One day I realised that I had done what I could, and just wanted to slip into obscurity as "just another woman", so I did just that. These days I keep a low profile, and I generally subscribe to the same gender social roles as cis-females do, and no-one ever seems to have a problem with me doing so.
Of course all this was before the internet and social media really took off, and I have never subscribed to social medial or sought "internet friends".
I might have just been incredibly lucky in my life's experiences, but I'm old-fashioned enough to not consider internet-only 'friends' as real friends, and so I don't attach anything to what such people might say.
I can appreciate that this point of view won't be for most people, but if there are online people who are bullies or unpleasant, is there not some way to just remove them from your immediate sphere of contacts? Block them, put them on ignore, delete them, no? Am I being way to simplistic here?
I have not had an idyllic life though, and I have received a fair amount of the kind of serious abuse, verbally, physically/sexually and mentally, that sadly many cis-females do, at the hands of men. I'm not men-bashing BTW, I've just had some really bad experiences in that regard.
I think my worst enemy as regards coping with being trans is myself, and I still struggle a lot internally with this.

But to my point (TLDR) there is a lot of support for newly "out" trans people these days, and it isn't all bullying and hate. Just drop the nasty people from your lives and keep the supportive and positive ones.

[Jacqueline]

Thank you for the quick response! I'm 18 at the moment and I am hopefully getting hormone treatment in or around October so that would leave me with a bit less than a year of HRT. I think if I don't sound arrogant that I might be more passable as I've had quite a few awkward situations where it has happened and people quickly apologies when they hear my voice which is arguably the worst thing/non-passable obstacle.

I will ask my gender psychologist who is helping me transition if it's possible to change my legal name and gender for when I head into my next educational course  I've come to understand even from just waiting each month for my appointment with the gender psychologist is that it isn't easy to wait too long and it takes a toll.

Actually I don't mind sharing a picture of my terrible done make up from a month ago:

Sarah,

I would like to echo what Amber stated below. You look lovely. I think you are right. I suspect with your natural looks and age, HRT may well take you to a wonderful spot.

I also noted on another thread you had posted some personal information(links). We do have policies about some posting as noted in our Terms of Service. I will include those links at the end. It is mostly to help keep privacy for you. We do get the occasional troll or visitor that might use that personal information. You certainly can exchange contacts but you might want to use PM or another less public way of doing that. Ms Grace is following rules here but also concerned for you.

Good luck on finding friends and I hope you have a smooth transition.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

With warmth,

Joanna

[Jenna Marie]

I went to an in-person support group once when I was very new to transition... and never went back, because every single woman there insisted that the only "true" way to be a woman was to be high femme (tons of makeup and jewelry, big hair, sexy outfits, high heels, etc.) and that no one would take me seriously as a woman unless I had a boyfriend. They made my wife cry, and that was the end of it for me. They literally said, in front of her, that I should divorce her and find a man!! Luckily, I figured out fairly quickly that if cis women can wear jeans and live as lesbians, so can I.

(I'm not actually a lesbian, I'm bisexual, but my wife means I'm not going to be dating a guy.)

[JenniferLopezgomez]

I must live on another planet, or in my own little bubble, because I've never experienced bullying or abusive attacks because I was trans. I didn't change any part of my life at all when I transitioned (apart from the obvious things), my family all accepted me, I stayed in the same job I had before, I just had a 2 week gap before returning to work as female. Of course I worked with my HR department for a year in advance to make sure this went as smoothly as possible. I received no abuse, only support, and I work in an industry that is predominantly male. Sure there were difficult and awkward moments, and times where I haven't 'passed', but never to the point where it adversely affected my life badly.
My trans friends were all very supportive of me, as I was of them, there was no jealousy or bullying.
I didn't have a lot of friends anyway, as I'm quite introvert (ASD), and I didn't have any cis-female friends at all, but after transitioning I made female friends much more easily and have kept them too.
I have lost 'friends' and acquaintances through transitioning, but you have to let them go, and move on.
The biggest loss I had was my best friend (a guy), and we had been very close friends and travelled extensively together, for years. He just couldn't accept it, and cut me out of his life completely and immediately when I told him. I hadn't even transitioned at that point, but he said he was too afraid of what his parents thought, and we parted company, and have never spoken again. That really hurt, but even then he wasn't nasty to me, he just couldn't deal with it.
The one and only time I've been verbally heckled in the street was years after I transitioned, and a few years after my op, and that was for looking like (in their eyes) a 'lesbian', and not for being trans at all. As I don't generally dress in a very feminine style, I often have the 'jeans and t-shirt' look, and I was out shopping in a busy shopping centre, and a group of teenage girls started shouting things like "Lesbian!" "Dyke!", and other such stuff, because I guess they thought I looked like such a person, not that something like that can usually be seen. And even though I'm not a lesbian, I wasn't upset because I hadn't been misgendered.
I do keep myself to myself these days, I'm not "out and proud", I don't try to campaign or fly any TG flag or change people's views. When I first transitioned I did all of these things, I was held up as an example of a successful "diversity at work" campaign, I was featured in the company newsletter, I attended TG support groups, helped other people to gain confidence and transition. I was even featured in a documentary on television.
One day I realised that I had done what I could, and just wanted to slip into obscurity as "just another woman", so I did just that. These days I keep a low profile, and I generally subscribe to the same gender social roles as cis-females do, and no-one ever seems to have a problem with me doing so.
Of course all this was before the internet and social media really took off, and I have never subscribed to social medial or sought "internet friends".
I might have just been incredibly lucky in my life's experiences, but I'm old-fashioned enough to not consider internet-only 'friends' as real friends, and so I don't attach anything to what such people might say.
I can appreciate that this point of view won't be for most people, but if there are online people who are bullies or unpleasant, is there not some way to just remove them from your immediate sphere of contacts? Block them, put them on ignore, delete them, no? Am I being way to simplistic here?
I have not had an idyllic life though, and I have received a fair amount of the kind of serious abuse, verbally, physically/sexually and mentally, that sadly many cis-females do, at the hands of men. I'm not men-bashing BTW, I've just had some really bad experiences in that regard.
I think my worst enemy as regards coping with being trans is myself, and I still struggle a lot internally with this.

But to my point (TLDR) there is a lot of support for newly "out" trans people these days, and it isn't all bullying and hate. Just drop the nasty people from your lives and keep the supportive and positive ones.

Nice recount of your life successes. Mostly, it sounds stellar. Congrats!

One problem with social media is that when millions have seen one's photos, as they have mine, people -- trans people and non-trans people -- have largely unfettered liberty to backstab you if they don't like you.

I've had people set up blogs and even websites to make fun of me in social media. ME, Jennifer, in particular. Some people are vicious bullies -- particularly if one achieves some degree of fame, as I have successfully done.

But I also retain the right to end my own life by my own suicide, which I likely WILL do at some point. I won't survive a fall from 8 or 10 floors up, that's for sure. So what if I am somewhat emotionally unstable. I have been very honest and public about this. At this point I have little to lose, so who cares ? It really makes little difference.

I have considerably reduced my posting in the Englsh-speaking trans world. The Spanish-speaking trans world and Spanish-speaking world in general is less judgmental of me, and better accepts who I am.

I now will have to consider reducing my total posts in the English-speaking world even more. My happiness is more important than the emotional aggravation.

Jennifer xx

[Lady Sarah]

When it comes to the internalized self-transphobia of internet trolls, I am thankful for a site such as this one.

[V]

Nice recount of your life successes. Mostly, it sounds stellar. Congrats!

One problem with social media is that when millions have seen one's photos, as they have mine, people -- trans people and non-trans people -- have largely unfettered liberty to backstab you if they don't like you.

I've had people set up blogs and even websites to make fun of me in social media. ME, Jennifer, in particular. Some people are vicious bullies -- particularly if one achieves some degree of fame, as I have successfully done.

But I also retain the right to end my own life by my own suicide, which I likely WILL do at some point. I won't survive a fall from 8 or 10 floors up, that's for sure. So what if I am somewhat emotionally unstable. I have been very honest and public about this. At this point I have little to lose, so who cares ? It really makes little difference.

I have considerably reduced my posting in the Englsh-speaking trans world. The Spanish-speaking trans world and Spanish-speaking world in general is less judgmental of me, and better accepts who I am.

I now will have to consider reducing my total posts in the English-speaking world even more. My happiness is more important than the emotional aggravation.

Jennifer xx

Thank you

It seems you have become a victim of your own success.
Did you pursue the 'degree of fame' that you now have?
If not, then I can see how that could become a burden, as when you step into the limelight, you set yourself up as a target for people to hit. And you have to be very thick-skinned to survive it too. Hence my anonymity on this site and in general on the internet. You have to protect yourself.

Your comments about suicide are worrysome, and as you say you suffer from emotional instability, then a highly public profile is probably not the best idea to maintain. Scaling back your online presence, and limiting yourself from any attacks would be a very good idea to help your sense of wellbeing and happiness.
You really need to look after yourself first and foremost, any "internet fame" needs to come second, or not at all, really.
It's a tough old world, and the anonymity that the internet provides means that it's very susceptible to allowing people to make attacks from relative obscurity, it's not a place to be open and honest and public if it ends up making you suicidal. I am certainly not tough enough to put myself out there as an open on-line trans person, but I know this and so protect myself from such attacks. You need to do the same, to take care of yourself. I'm talking as someone who has tried to take their own life on many occasions, so I do know how it feels, I've been there myself.

Take care.
xx

[Lady Sarah]

Internet success draws haters. I had my own measure of fame in a couple virtual worlds, where I was a 3D designer and programmer. Being trans had nothing to do with hate, as I was in stealth by then. The owner of the first one called me "a creative genius", and instantly made me so many enemies, that I closed that account, and moved on... after 5 years of climbing to the top.

Suicide (for me) has never been an option, after starting HRT. Rather, internet suicide is more preferable. That is, closing accounts, and disappearing from the eyes of those that hate out of jealousy.

[KarlMars]

YOU know you ARE a woman. It shouldn't matter to you who says you're not a woman. I like the play on words title,clever!

[RobynD]

I have seen very little of this but i know it exists. I believe it is because i don't hang out with many trans women for no particular reason, have never been to a support group etc. In social media i am really selective about who i friend and i don't allow people access to my feeds to people that simply share my interests. You have to be someone i actually know.

I guess i sort of live in a cocoon for better or for worse.

Most of my friends are also friends of my spouse or are CIS women, with a few guys thrown in there and i have never had anything but support from them. (i would not be in contact with them if i did not)

I suspect it is an issue of misery loves more misery and tends to create it, if it can.

[Heita]

When I decided to call it quit with the hermit life and connect with people (and naturally doing so as a man) I found very positive reception... from everyone who was not trans.

Honestly I was quite scared that calling myself "transgender" would mean being forced or expected to be subjected to hormones and surgeries, so I felt anguish. Thankfully no one brought up the subject as a requirement, and it went well.

However... two transsexual women flatly declared that I am not trans at all because I don't want the medical treatment. One of them argued with me treating me like a wannabe who has no idea about the whole thing, the other one was more courteous but decided for me that I'm not trans but genderqueer and informed me of the fact.  Now, I hate the word genderqueer because of the "queer" part: if anything, I'm gendernormal! And second I identify as a man and that's it. It's not my problem if they have a problem because I don't have a problem with my body.

Anyway that made me walk on eggshells and in real life I only have contacts with the LGB community and the regular society... too bad, but feeling flat out invalidated hurts a lot.

[JeNn_DeViLz]

First off all I can say is WOW honey great thread!!! I recently came out at my place of employment and was pulled aside this last saturday from head of our local HR and one of my immediate managers. They could not have been more caring and supportive of me. I work in food/bev and work behind the bar as a barback/barbacktress but changing to run food as the manly type work is getting old and I built houses for a living most of my life. I am completely comfortable with myself and had to stop running and face who I really was. I think the majority of my coworkers are more anxious to see me fully become Jennifer than me! I was terrified the girls I work with were going to think I was creepy or a freak or something and it was the total opposite. It really made me rethink how the world perceives me as a person, I am exremely loved by most of my co workers and everyone i interact with. It's almost impossible for me to not get someone to smile if they are having a horrible day and they do the same to me if I'm having a horrible day, we are like a huge family. Mind you I make min wage and a horrible HORRIBLE $7k per year not $70k but $7,000.00 usd per year. I'm extremely poor but I budget well and am completely happy with my life. I have a best friend whose exbf is now a girl and had both surgeries so I am extremely grateful to have someone so close who understands me, my process and how I deserve to be treated. I have yet to have to deal with bullying and people have already told me at work a few people had to be corrected and put in their places, I'm like the baby cub and everyone is making sure I'm protected and not messed with even tho I can hold my own they don't want me to have to hold my own if that makes sense. I have my days of feeling not so pretty but I have a small amount of makeup and makeup skillz so it's just a matter of practice, patience and time I am close to starting HRT again and first want to legally get the name change and gender marker changed so I can update my drivers license and finally apply for a passport so I can attempt to see this great world. I grew up being rejected and picked on so I'm more than familiar with bullying and being picked on or hated against. As far as other trans friends I have none locally yet that I have hungout with and I've seen 2 that have come into my restaurant but I haven't been Jenny at work as I'm not completely out out as I have to get new uniforms from mens to womens and I want to perfect my style as far as makeup for work because I don't want to look like a slut or draw more attention than i have to. I was beyond terrifed to come out to people at work but I started with the person I trusted the most which was my favorite manager and he couldn't have been more welcoming and accepting to me which I am eternally grateful. I'm 32 had no desire to finish college and now I am planning on going back to try and finish school with a degree in Human Resources so maybe I can go around to other locations and teach diversity training. I strongly believe one of the reasons alot of people in society don'tunderstand us is because of the lack of enough education on what transgender really means. There is a huge movement going on for all of us and we should all be excited and embrace this shift in our world. There is always going to be someone to belittle or judge you no matter what, but those people have only insecurities within themselves and i promise you at the end of the day they are the most miserable people and jealous because YOU are being YOU and not afraid of your future. Take your life with your hands and just run with it and chase your dreams!!!!

I wish you all the best of luck with whatever stage you are in transition!!! And my doors will ALWAYS be open as well for venting or advice or just simple conversation!

Mwah!!!

Jennifer Alexandria

<3 <3 <3

[V]

@ Jenn, What a refreshingly positive post!
Good for you is what I say! 
I also had great work colleagues at the workplace where I transitioned, and I did find out that they were making every effort to "protect me" from anyone else at work who might have been less supportive or unpleasant to me.
I found out a year after I transitioned that my colleagues were constantly on guard for anyone who casually came into our office to try and see "the man in a dress". Anyone who had no business being in our office (it was a very large company) was swiftly shown the door.
I also found out from my old boss that those who had visited our office after hearing about me, and had tried to pick me out (it was a very large office with over 200 people on our floor alone) invariably picked a cis-gendered lady who was much older than me, and whilst she wasn't 'manly' she wasn't exactly feminine either.
I am under strict instructions to never ever let anyone know, in case she finds out.

[Asche]

I've actually been pretty fortunate.  I'm not yet full-time, but I've come out to most of the people I know outside of work and the responses have been, with one exception, supportive and positive, and that exception was more in the nature of "I don't get it.  Why?"

This includes:

* 2 trans support groups
* Church
* neighbors
* contra dancing friends
* a few relatives

Part of it may be that I'm in a fairly liberal part of the USA (NYC area) and I simply don't hang out with people who aren't particularly liberal.  I just sent letters to come out to my siblings, that may not go so well.

My company has a reputation for being LGBT-friendly; besides, they don't like getting sued, which could happen if they're not supportive given the laws in NYC.  And my co-workers are pretty decent.

I'm not planning to move, so everyone who knows me is going to know I'm trans.  I'll see how it goes, but I'm guardedly optimistic.

[Obfuskatie]

Every group has their jerks. I was really disillusioned when I first moved to the SF Bay Area, and realized the LGB community isn't always transgender friendly. But there are a lot of people who are awesome and openminded, and it would be silly to let a small group of loud idiots ruin the community here for me. Stay strong, and try to keep a positive attitude, because negative spirals while you're transitioning can be extreme.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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