Trial Period

[Katy27]

Hello all. My name is... Well it's Stephen right now but I feel more like a Kathryn, Katy for short. 

I'm married to the woman of my dreams and we have a beautiful 16 month old son. Our lives have been pretty happy together, however what brings me here is that since the age of 13 I've had what I've found out to be gender dysphoria. Due to my strict upbringing which was heavily Christian influenced, i didnt feel safe in talking to anyone about it although i dressed female in private and LOVED it. Time went on and I decided to treat my dysphoria as a 'sin' and surpressed it from the age of 21 until now age 27. After a few heartbreaking conversations with my wife, we decided that it is ok for me to explore my identity.

Right now we are in a trial period of sorts. We have a list of things we want to work on before a conclusion is made. Among those things is counseling, investing in our marriage, and for me, experimentation with dressing and expressing myself feminine in private (for now until my confidence builds up. For her, until she is ok with seeing me that way)

My mind and heart are racing and i know and feel like i really want to start hrt but i want to be level headed and i dont want to act on impulse. I want to be open minded in my counseling so that i can be as whole of a person when I make the decision. I also want to move through this time in a way that takes care of myself but also protects and respects my wifes heart.

Im excited to get to know you all and as i am extremely new to expressing as female, i dont know what im doing all that much, so im hoping i can learn a bit from all of you.

[DawnOday]

I had a similar circumstance with my first wife. But we decided to move on. My new wife of 32 years is a little more mature than my 21 year old first wife. The hard part of it, I had no control over my impulses. Still don't. So after 65 years I am finally addressing the situation and will be beginning HRT in a few weeks. What I have learned is that what I thought was perversion is really not. There are far more people out there than I ever expected. There is not enough research into alternate lifestyles and their causes. Good luck to you and your wife and the baby. The baby should help with any feelings you have to nurture. My Son and Daughter became my whole focus and I did all the things Mom does. This helped immensely.  Then the guilt kicked in and I was always afraid someone would find out about my proclivities and take them away. I withdrew from friends, family and coworkers. The angriness welled up and it cost me a job of 19 years. Make sure whatever path you take you get the psychological help you need to successfully transition.

[V M]

Hi Katy 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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V M

[gennee]

Hi Katy and welcome to Susan's.

[EmilyMK03]

Hi Katy.  I also grew up in a Christian home and it also influenced my decision not to explore my gender identity for many years.  I am 39 yrs old and am finally transitioning after decades of keeping things private.

So let me give you a word of advice: don't be private.  It's good that you're sharing this with your wife, but dressing in private will accomplish nothing.  Don't waste your time doing that.  Instead, go see a therapist (which you already are planning on doing, that's great!).  And find local transgender support groups and talk to the people there.

It is in our interactions with other people in real-life that we discover our true selves.  That cannot be done in the privacy of your home and by yourself.

[Katy27]

Yeah, im alreqdy seeing acounselor and im only dressing privately until i have enough of a routine and a look that i like. Then ill go out in public with some trusted friends. My wife and i are also getting involved with transgender groups in town. My wife is looking into going to a spouse of transgemder support group as well. 

We're well on our way, if anything i wish it was going faster but honestly i think the pace that we are at is healthy. Its never healthy to jump into anything. At least in my experience

[Paige33455]

Hi Katy,

Firstly, Welcome!  I would encourage you to continue with your search for understanding and  to proceed at a pace that works for you.  Everyone's situation is different and what is best for one is not necessarily right for someone else.  There are a number of "first steps" that may offer some options to "jumping in with both feet" and help as you search for the right path for YOU and your family.  I highly recommend "The Transition Channel" on you tube.  It offers a wealth of information especially for those just beginning to wrestle with gender issues.  You'll find a number of very educational videos from that group on you tube.  Best wishes for patience and self acceptance as you figure things out.

Trisha K