How does having a good therapist effect you?

[DavidC]

I started therapy in late June with a therapist in Tupelo, MS who had never written a T letter before! He was very understanding of my issues and I feel like I can finally talk to someone freely about this. (I'm getting my letter 9/7!)
So my question is, have you found a therapist that you can connect to? If not, how has it effected you and your transition?

~David.

[Elis]

Im currently going through CBT. I saw a gender therapist for a few months in order to get a HRT recommendation letter. She was a nice person and followed the WPATH standard but I was only interested in getting T and not talking too much. I've had bad experiences with a therapist in the past. Then a few months after finishing seeing her I went to CBT because my depression was bad as well as my social anxiety. I think most trans people think HRT will cure all their problems which I also naively thought. Seeing my therapist for 5 nonths now and I'm much better mentally. I was worried she would treat me badly just bcos I'm trans but it only crops up when I need to talk about a specific topic. She's a nice person but I kind of find her over nice if that makes sense. So our personalities don't really match but I find her easy to talk too and she's good at her job. So as long as they're accepting and helpful I don't think it really matters if you like them 100%.

[LucyNewport]

I've been seeing a counselor fairly regularly since May of last year. I have found it to be very helpful. I have some other issues besides THE TRANS, so working through all that stuff has been a great benefit. I feel like he is my strongest ally at this point. It's a tricky thing though. You have to find someone you can open up to that also knows what they are doing. I have seen therapists in the past who I did not feel comfortable confiding in - and really what's the point then?

I'd recommend the process to anyone. Everyone can benefit from unpacking their stress with a professional.

[Anne Blake]

My wife and I saw a therapist for a couple of months last spring. We have been together and very close for 33 years but my transgender nature just surfaced 18 months ago. We are watching how Anne is growing with us and I showed a desire to begin more significant transitioning and hrt. The time with the therapist was to help both of us get an understanding of what we were doing and where it was taking us (and of course, get a letter). Our therapist was great and set the stage for us to work out what we needed so that we could move ahead. We are planning to go back to her for guidance as hrt and transitioning begins to manifest some changes. It has done us far better than the typical gate keeper function that is often talked about in reference to therapists. We would both recommend this path to anyone considering transition, particularly as a couple - Anne

[j-unique]

I see my therapist since about two years (one or two times a month), when my gender dysphoria was so strong that I couldn't just go on anymore. She is very friendly and understanding (she knows other transgender people personally), and it was very helpful for me to find out things like who I really am (she didn't try to tell me who I am, but let me find out myself), whether I want to do HRT, and how to manage my social relations and communications with the outer world.

So, I think it can be very helpful to see a good therapist. However, if you can and/or want to handle the problems on your own, it will also work without therapy. You can see it as specific times when you have to concentrate on specific psychological problems/important personal questions and work on solutions for them, with professional guidance.

[JoanneB]

When I started therapy as part of taking on the Trans-Beast for real, transitioning was the last thing on my mind. Been there tried it twice in my early 20's. At the time I was living in rural West Virginia. I wound up seeing a therapist in rural western MD some 90 miles where I had found a TG support group. A therapist there was a "friendly", who was at several group meetings as well as having been somewhat "Trained" by several of the group members he had as clients. So not a total newbie but not a for real gender therapist. The closest one of them was another 90 miles away in either DC, Baltimore, or Pittsburgh. Plus... Like why do I want a Gender Therapist if I wasn't planning on transitioning? I had tons of baggage that I needed to shed and a therapist who had some idea of the sort of baggage would be a great help.

Several years later, my wife's and I prayers were answered and I got a fun job back where I once worked before. Most importantly, back in the NYC metro area where she was still living. Or, as she came to call it "Trans-Central". After a few months I worked up the courage to start researching and making phone calls to find, this time, a for real gender therapist. By then, after having had the luxury to, I was living part-time as female and on HRT. So, transitioning was definitely no longer off the table.

The same old ton of baggage stuff, plus now some new issues between my wife and I "Settling in". Though she is accepting, she was supportive to a point. Her physical and oft times emotional condition making any major, perhaps minor upsets to the previous norm a big fear factor for me, as well as for her. My biggest fear was and still is slipping back into "The Old Me", that lifeless soulless thing I grew into.

Has she been better?  Well, I am still waking up on the sunny side of the grass. I am having far fewer dysphoria attacks and/or "WTF am I doing???" meltdowns. Very few days I see that "Sad Old Man" looking back at me in the mirror. Is she better then just a better therapist then my last one would be? Hard to say. I can try using the "Cis people just don't truly get it" argument, however she is smart, experienced with lots of various trans clients, and insightful. Not as challenging or argumentative as I sometimes think I need, but that may be the old me thinking. Would an actual trans therapist be better?  Or, just too much of a cheering squad? Don't know, never had one, and on my To-Don't list is a full social transition right now. Too risky for myself, the person I am, and "The Us" of my wife and I.