I want a vagina.

[Janes Groove]

Never thought I'd say that. Pre-HRT I was on the fence, but after a couple of months on HRT it's pretty clear to me that I want GCS.  My penis has always been a source of great pleasure for me and a part of me will always be sorry to see her go, but the thought of being a complete woman is more important to me now. (I'm NOT saying pre op and non op  and non transitioning women are not complete women, just my personal ideation for me only).
I have a ton of roadblocks and painful obstacles to go through but I know I'll get there someday. I just want it too much and I have this feeling of inevitability. I just don't fight the idea anymore.  If I could pull a "Samantha Stevens," cross my arms, and nod my head and tomorrow have a perfect vagina that is capable of orgasms I would do it this second, even if it meant never having a penis again.

Anyhooo.  If any of you ladies have advice on the next steps to do, what you would have done differently, best ways to prepare, that would be so nice.

[CMD042414]

I'd give you mine if I could. Or trade! There may be some color matching to do...

[AnonyMs]

Steps you'll need to get through is having a way of paying for it, either cash, insurance, local health system, getting psych letters, and actually choosing a surgeon.

[HappyMoni]

Look on the bright side. You were able to get pleasure from it. For some it is only a source of pain.

I would say plan well. Don't wait to make arrangements until the last minute. Save money and realize surgeons are busy and the process is not easy. Stay positive.
Moni

[Janes Groove]

I'd give you mine if I could. Or trade! There may be some color matching to do...

lol.

but seriously that's not a bad idea.  many think it's the future of FTM bottom surgery.

[Janes Groove]

Steps you'll need to get through is having a way of paying for it, either cash, insurance, local health system, getting psych letters, and actually choosing a surgeon.

I'm on medicaid so it's a problem now, I'm saving up to buy into an ACA plan when the time comes.  A big deal for me though is getting someone to go with me.  I'll probably ask my sister eventually. She knows I'm trans but doesn't know I want GCS.  But that's going to require YET ANOTHER step in coming out. I swear the coming out never ends.

I'm also considering starting genital electrolysis now. But I'm really close with my electrologist and it seems weird to ask her.  Psych letter not a prblm.   I've already got one lined up.

[Janes Groove]

Stay positive.
Moni

Always.
Thx.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

If your electrologist has helped other trans people before the topic is probably on her mind as well because getting that done is necessary before reassignment surgery. Maybe you could bring up the topic of GRS and see how she responds. That could give her an opening to state she either does that or recommend someone who does.

[jujubes1986]

Never thought I'd say that. Pre-HRT I was on the fence, but after a couple of months on HRT it's pretty clear to me that I want GCS.  My penis has always been a source of great pleasure for me and a part of me will always be sorry to see her go, but the thought of being a complete woman is more important to me now. (I'm NOT saying pre op and non op  and non transitioning women are not complete women, just my personal ideation for me only).
I have a ton of roadblocks and painful obstacles to go through but I know I'll get there someday. I just want it too much and I have this feeling of inevitability. I just don't fight the idea anymore.  If I could pull a "Samantha Stevens," cross my arms, and nod my head and tomorrow have a perfect vagina that is capable of orgasms I would do it this second, even if it meant never having a penis again.

Anyhooo.  If any of you ladies have advice on the next steps to do, what you would have done differently, best ways to prepare, that would be so nice.

be patient... you'll get there

[KarlMars]

I know how you feel only I want the opposite. I'm afraid of phalloplasty because there a risks, but I want it so badly. I also have medicaid and I think if medicaid in my state ever starts to be covered by medicaid they might only cover metiodioplasty and not phalloplasty. Correct me if I'm wrong someone. I think phalloplasty is more cosmetic?

[jujubes1986]

I know how you feel only I want the opposite. I'm afraid of phalloplasty because there a risks, but I want it so badly. I also have medicaid and I think if medicaid in my state ever starts to be covered by medicaid they might only cover metiodioplasty and not phalloplasty. Correct me if I'm wrong someone. I think phalloplasty is more cosmetic?

Have you thought of the other procedure metoidplasty or something? I heard that one isn't as invasive...

[KarlMars]

Have you thought of the other procedure metoidplasty or something? I heard that one isn't as invasive...

Yes, I've read and considered both. There is almost no way to penetrate with metiodplasty (1-3 inches) and phalloplasty gives 5-6 inches I heard. The length and girth is important to me and I like the pictures I see of finished phalloplasty.

[Janes Groove]

If your electrologist has helped other trans people before the topic is probably on her mind as well because getting that done is necessary before reassignment surgery. Maybe you could bring up the topic of GRS and see how she responds. That could give her an opening to state she either does that or recommend someone who does.

It's not so much she doesn't do it. I know she does and we even talk about it. And GCS.  A lot.   She's kind of an expert on it.  It's just. I don't know. Weird. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship and make things weird between us. It's probably all in my head anyway.

[Janes Groove]

be patient... you'll get there

Thx. Just talking about it helps.

[Janes Groove]

I know how you feel.

I believe you. I think we are the only ones who really do know how it feels to want that.

[Janes Groove]

Look on the bright side. You were able to get pleasure from it. For some it is only a source of pain.

Actually if truth be told I have been pretty ambivalent about her for some time.  Especially as I got older.  But I do want to still be able to have orgasms.  But I'm at a point now where getting GCS is even more important to me than that.  In some ways even though I have an ambivalent relationship  to her, she was to me for many years my only link. My lifeline really to my transgender identity, as my sexual fantasies have always, w/o exception, been of the female variety.   If truth be told she has seen less use over the past year than I have fingers and that's even with spelling one hand.  Mostly just curiosity, taking her out occasionally to make sure she still works.  When HRT took away my "morning wood" for good, I was actually relieved.  Most cisgender men would be panicking, running to the ED doctor, and reaching for the jar of Viagra in my position. But I'm glad they're gone.

[V]

Yes, I remember that was a huge relief, like a monumental millstone had been removed from around my neck. One of the best things about hrt for me, the release from that, the male pressure gone. Replaced with peace and clarity.

[Janes Groove]

One of the best things about hrt.

Agree. But so many things. It's hard to pick a favorite.