Worst counselor ever?

[Just Me Here]

I just saw a counselor today, explained everything that was going on. The subtext of the first thing he said after that was along these lines:

You're a repressed homosexual, running from your homosexuality. All your issues with hating your body are due in full to hating your homosexual nature. You do not want to grow up into your father and thus your rejection of masculinity.
He then intimated that I wasn't actually depressed and simply confabulating symptoms for attention from guys.
He then proceeded, for the next 30 minutes, to consistently steer the conversation back to matters of sexuality instead of identity.

By the end of it, it was evident that he thought that I was either:
a) a paedophile because I was internalising my desires into wanting to reduce my masculinity
b) a repressed homosexual looking for attention due to sexual frustration
or
c) both of the above

Any thoughts? because I think a certain bridge needs to be burnt.

Anyway is this a typical experience? I've never had counselling before so maybe 50 minutes of invalidation and ending up feeling worse than you came in is normal? Who knows, my problems might not have been that bad. They certainly are now by the end of it.

[SadieBlake]

Yeah, that's beyond awful, where did you come up with such a troglodyte?

[Just Me Here]

On the internet of all places. Also. This wasn't a troglodyte. This was a coprolite. Can someone in London recommend a better counselor. one who won't give me more trauma?

[Bob Wascathy]

I underwent 8 months of counselling, seemingly with a relative of this person. Her take was that, as my older sister was blatantly my parents' favourite, I was (am) trying to court attention by attempting to be my sister. For someone already wracked with self doubt, this was a real kick in the teeth... Still wonder about it even now

[Sharon Anne McC]

*
There was (maybe still is?) a segment of the counselling population that considered transsexuals were homosexual males in a committed partnership seeking to 'normalise' their relationship to a heterosexual couple.  As such, they would steer one of the partners toward surgery.

This obvious failure neglected that no homosexual male wants to eliminate his anatomy nor seek a partner who would lose his anatomy.

There are perhaps hundreds to thousands of post-op people who were mutilated using this faulty psychology pervasive into the 1980s.  I am shocked that any psychologists of this thought remain today.
*

[Just Me Here]

*
There was (maybe still is?) a segment of the counselling population that considered transsexuals were homosexual males in a committed partnership seeking to 'normalise' their relationship to a heterosexual couple.  As such, they would steer one of the partners toward surgery.

This obvious failure neglected that no homosexual male wants to eliminate his anatomy nor seek a partner who would lose his anatomy.

There are perhaps hundreds to thousands of post-op people who were mutilated using this faulty psychology pervasive into the 1980s.  I am shocked that any psychologists of this thought remain today.
*

Oh, this guy is definitely like that (he trained over 20 years ago so there is a distinct possibility it might be this), seems pretty greedy as well, I've had one session and I'm pretty sure he's going to try and milk this. Probably go through thousands trying to resolve a single problem while he creates an even bigger mess to tide him over until he retires.
I'm still sort of shocked. I was waiting for him to slap down the classic "Oedipus complex" malarchy at any second. This guy was a real freak for Freud.

[becky.rw]

Its obvious enough that you and the therapist are incompatible, so you should drop that relationship like the stinky thing it is.    At least from your perspective, trust could never be established, and thus, you'd never get any value from the conversation regardless of whether he was the greatest or worst therapist on the planet.

Just for a second point of view, my approach to his suggestions would be different though.

1.) ped - If I am, I've disciplined my mind in a way that I have managed to never harm any child, ever.   Do you have some suggestions that would make this ethical choice substantially easier to accomplish as I age?  <blah blah blah> I'm concerned that if we play with that type of therapy, it'll make the condition harder to control, and result in criminal activity,  isn't there anything that's more along the lines of an on off switch?  <well, yes, but its side effects are not usually well tolerated>   [reads pamphlet]   I'm ok with those, so long as we regularly monitor metabolic function; and I don't anticipate any follow on effects socially.  <errr... ah.. > he's stuck, and you're getting a 90 day supply of AA in your butt.   VICTORY!!!  lol.

2.) gay - Well, I dunno.  I wouldn't mind being gay, but I don't think, for me, that gay sexual activity would be safe or sustainable within a relationship.     <well, we have this aversion therapy thing and this other substitution therapy thing> I don't mind playing along, but I worry that.. <oh shut up; nurse!>   

3.) both - well, if I'm both, and repressing, I think you're playing with fire, and are likely to get someone dead, are you sure you're licensed to practice?  <NURSE!!!!!!>

tada.  I might have a problem with acerbic conversation addiction....

Seriously though; simple words to direct to this therapist:   "YOU ARE FIRED.  kthxbai."   I've fired plenty of docs before, its not a big deal, don't put up with a style that you find inappropriate or unhelpful.

[islandgirl]

First, I think that this is very old time, traditional psychology, almost Freudian in nature. I would drop this therapist ASAP! I don't know if you have connected with a LGBT centre near where you live, but this may be a good start from which to get a recommendation for an appropriate gender therapist.

Gender therapists should have the appropriate training in addition to their credentialing.

It always amazes me, having been trained in counselling psychology myself, that this type of therapy is still out there. To me, a therapist that is working with people who have questions concerning gender, needs to be informed, and open to working with the client to meet a common goal.  One that seemly has a preconceived idea of what is happening with a client, really is not listening!

All the Best as you continue along your journey.

[Jocee]

Aggghhhhh....... what an {expletive deleted}!

I hope you shoved it back in his face by saying he must be having some transference issues of his own. Yikes, sorry you went through that.

Joanna

[Elis]

I'm currently reading "out of the past" by Neil Miller, a history of gay and lesbian people  (highly rrecommend it). These ideas started in the 50s and I'm amazed they're still allowed to spread; particularly in a place like the UK. I'd out him as the fraud he is and tell an official about how inept he is about doing his job.

As for counsellors I went to Transhealth and saw Sharon Filingham who was amazing . She followed the WPATH standard of care which is not to diagnose but to see if you have repeated past experiences of being uncomfortable in your assigned gender as well as ruling out any major mental health problems and not ticking boxes to see if you fit into any stereotyped gender roles or behaviours. I had to wait 2 months for an initial consultation with Dr Curtis (because of an influx of new patients) and then a month wait to see her. But it was worth it; she was lovely.

You could also look at the Pink Therapy website which specifically advertises therapist who specialise in helping LGBT people.

Good luck; sorry about your bad experience.

[DawnOday]

Allyssa

Sorry you had to go through that. I did some snooping and found this list of gender therapists in Northern England. also London if you want to travel.  http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/local-gender-identity-clinics.aspx

On any therapist you want to vet them before you go in the office. Check social media. law suits etc. just like any other Doctor.  Good luck

[JMJW]

He's an embarrassment to London society.

[itsApril]

He then proceeded, for the next 30 minutes, to consistently steer the conversation back to matters of sexuality instead of identity.

* * * * *

Anyway is this a typical experience? I've never had counselling before so maybe 50 minutes of invalidation and ending up feeling worse than you came in is normal?

At a first session?  Fifty minutes?  Of which he spent 30 minutes "explaining" to you who you are and what's going on in your head?  So you talked about yourself for, at most, 20 minutes, at which point he figured he knew all the answers . . .

The first three things a real therapist needs to do are to listen, listen, listen.  This guy is not even interested in understanding you or your problems.  He thinks he doesn't need to, because he already knows all the answers.

Ditch this guy and find a real therapist.

[Jacqueline]

I am so sorry this happened. I hope you are feeling all right.

No. It is not normal. That approach is primative.

I am not sure how in the English health care system you fire a therapist. This has to happen (fire, switch...)

If you can find out if your next potential therapist follows WPATH model, as Elis suggested.

Good luck finding a new one.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Kylo]

Yeah that sounds like someone who shouldn't be practicing.

I had a counselor some time ago and I ditched him after 2 sessions because he seemed to think just about every problem in my life was down to "mommy issues". I do have some of those but they are a minor factor in my life and not the cause of my major issues. Seemed like he was working to some kind of script. Talked to my ex some time ago and he said his counselor said the exact same thing.

My therapist operates differently in that she asks questions and lets me find the answers through my own words. There's no way someone can tell what the real root of someone's issues are other than enabling the person to dig them out themselves. Just telling someone they are a repressed this or that is bad practice. There are no 'answers' in this except what the patient already knows or discovers, someone who claims to have them all already... doesn't.