Sexual Issues With my FTM partner, please help?

[LilRedRachel]

I have been with my FTM Transgender partner for a while, I love him deeply, and I know he loves me too, we are young and he still lives with his less than accepting parents, so he hasn't achieved his hormone treatment yet although we are planning to move in together in the future.

I'm not going to beat around the bush so here is the issue I have been having.

To put it simply, I am a very sexually active woman. Outside of our relationship I have been using toys on myself  to satisfy my urges but I worry about my sex life with my boyfriend. I know surgeries for penile implants do not always prove to have the best results, but at the same time I would like for him to feel me more than if he was just using a strap-on. I've found myself envious of other women who's partner was born with a penis and doesn't have to worry about those things, but I truly love my boyfriend and I don't want him to feel like he doesn't have enough to please me. Also I thought I should mention that my boyfriend does not want anything penetrating him, at all, he hates the thought of having something into 'that' part of him.

Do any of you have advice considering items or ways we could be both satisfied with our sex life?

[Jacqueline]

Welcome to the site.

I am not really in a position to answer your questions, sorry. However, we have members from all over the world and the trans/gender spectrum. I imagine some other folks might be able to help you out with this.

It does sound like you might want to talk through some of this with a therapist? Not sure if you want to or are able to. I think they might help you find a way through some of your issues.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

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Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

[FTMax]

Welcome!

First, I think it's great that you're considerate of his needs and want to work on this.

There are a few higher end prosthetic devices that have additional pieces to them that stimulate FTM anatomy while they penetrate a partner. PeeCock is one, FreeTom is the other that I can think of. There may be more now. I'd look into those.

[Berserk]

I have been with my FTM Transgender partner for a while, I love him deeply, and I know he loves me too, we are young and he still lives with his less than accepting parents, so he hasn't achieved his hormone treatment yet although we are planning to move in together in the future.

I'm not going to beat around the bush so here is the issue I have been having.

To put it simply, I am a very sexually active woman. Outside of our relationship I have been using toys on myself  to satisfy my urges but I worry about my sex life with my boyfriend. I know surgeries for penile implants do not always prove to have the best results, but at the same time I would like for him to feel me more than if he was just using a strap-on. I've found myself envious of other women who's partner was born with a penis and doesn't have to worry about those things, but I truly love my boyfriend and I don't want him to feel like he doesn't have enough to please me. Also I thought I should mention that my boyfriend does not want anything penetrating him, at all, he hates the thought of having something into 'that' part of him.

Do any of you have advice considering items or ways we could be both satisfied with our sex life?

You mentioned he doesn't like penetration which is definitely not uncommon at all for trans guys. Does he mind anything else going on down there externally or its generally a total no-go zone? Sometimes it can be about finding the right vibrator that doesn't look/feel like a regular vibrator (vibrating cock ring for example). If its generally no-go, then there are some sex toys that could help depending on the situation.

Love Bump are basically vibrating balls that can be added to most kinds of dildos, hard packs etc. which might be helpful http://www.comeasyouare.com/product/New-York-Toy-Collective-Love-Bump/

There are also dual vibrator that can be used one side internally for one partner and the other side externally for the other partner.

Those are the two that came to mind for the part of your post where you were talking about him feeling more.

As far as you feeling satisfied, well I'm not entirely sure how much I understand what the situation is. Is it primarily that dysphoria is making him not want to engage in any kind of sex at all? Or is it that you're both or one of you is only comfortable having a certain type of sex? I'm just wondering because for some people (have seen it mostly with other trans guys or butches of various identities) pleasuring someone else despite not being directly touched themselves is fine for them. Personally I have found myself in those types of situations where I'm totally cool pleasuring my partner but may not be in the mood or state of mind to be touched or anything like that.

[Thecutekittycat]

My boyfriend was in a similar situation to yours and our sex life improved after he moved out of his parents house + cut them off, stopped working 60 hours a week and we also went to couples therapy a few times just to get everything out on the table that was bothering us without it having to turn into a fight and learn healthier coping mechanisms.
There usually isn't just one thing to fix your sex life. Everything else has to improve and he is probably hiding a lot of his emotions and it manifests in ways that make you feel isolated.
Communication is important. Message me if you want.

[Nuuni]

How much roleplaying have you been doing? I'm still trying to sort out what to do for my husband, but I know that I react more to the anatomy I don't have yet than I do to the anatomy attached to me, even if it is ghost.
Neither of us is big on the sensations from that anatomy, pre-HRT. It's not as expected. I end up needing to get rid of it a lot, but the actual process is a bit awkward really, since I have to sort've ignore the actual parts involved. I usually have no help with this, for reasons much like you are lamenting.
I have heard that HRT changes how the pieces react to follow the pattern more appropriate, and it is also commonly said that testosterone often dramatically boosts libido. I know that for me (t-girl), my frustration is in needing to have my husband be more aggressive and such, but he just doesn't have that response yet, and honestly, just not having one's body reacting the way it should is a bit of a mood killer.