The pressure of a dying father

[katiet1125]

My father is dying.  He will be going in the hospital next Tuesday and probably not coming back out.  -Pancreatic Cancer, Stage 4- I haven't seen him since he first had surgery to remove a portion of his pancreas, in early Spring.  He and I do not see each other since he will not address me properly or use proper pronouns.  He has known I transitioned for 15 years.
I feel internal pressure to see him, for me so I don't regret it for the rest of my life.  I also do not wish to upset him.  He is sick.  I was considering going in drab clothing with no hair or makeup.   (I transitioned at 35, so my hairline is not acceptable).  My issue is, now that he is going into the hospital, many of the other family members are coming over this weekend.  I do not wish to present myself in that manner to them.  Especially to an older brother who I do not speak to at all.   I have to rely on a ride so I cannot go at another time when the others are not there.  I am at a loss.
Any suggestions?   Kate

[Dena]

Going drab sounds like a good solution if you are comfortable with it but you might consider some type of a cap or hat for your head. You would feel less exposed but it wouldn't set off gender issues in others.

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[katiet1125]

Thank you Dena I appreciate your input.  I will read the attached files. 
Kate

[SueNZ]

My son went through an anti dad stage in his teenage years. Now we have a much better relationship. He has changed where he is more aware of who I am (as a decent bloke and father). I have changed where I guide him where I can at the same time love him for who he is.
I would hope that even though your dad does not show or say it, that he loves you for who you are without parameters. I would go to see him with the family around in the form and dress that makes you comfortable. As a parent I would just rather my child to be there no matter their path in life.
I am so sorry you are facing all this and hope your dad does not suffer too much.
Hugs Sue.


Cheers Sue.

[Jacqueline]

Welcome to the site.

I am so sorry for your loss as well as the awkwardness. I can offer no real advice, sorry. Just good thoughts for you and your family.

With warmth,

Joanna

[katiet1125]

Thank you all for your advice. 

Joanna, thank you for the kind words.  As I get older (I'm 51), I find I am having to wish condolences on friends and family a lot lately.  Although there is truly nothing that can be said that will ease the burden, I really do appreciate that you chose to write and show that you cared. 

Sue, I wish that he did love me without parameters, but unfortunately his love is conditional.  I am still up in the air as to how I will present myself when I visit.  I have a feeling it will be something that I will decide on Sunday morning. 

Thank you both so much.  Kate