RLT Programme

[Leigh]

Yes, the surgeon does have the final word but-and its a big but---without a letter or letters its doubtful that any reputable Dr. would do the surgery.

Its pass the scapel time.  Without letters the responsibility falls entirely on the Dr's shoulders if later its "oh not I was wrong--I am maimed for life--give me money" he gets hit with malpractice.  Besides, a surgeon is not  knowlegable in mental health-they are slice and dice people.  Its the therapist who is supposed to delve into you mental state and magically know if you are a suitable canidate or not.

I am sure that many have been denied letters that should have been written and I know for a fact that letters have been given to some who were totally out to lunch.  Which any reasonable amount of reasearch  getting through therapy is a snap.  Parrot the lines, know the key words and reactions and you are on your way.  I know one person who was employed that never spent one day at work in transition yet got a letter.  Why? Cause the therapist never checked.  Talked a good story and got her letter-went on vaca-came back and then told her employer--wanna guess what the result was?  The end of the unemployment line starts over there >>> DA.

If you need surgery more than anything else you gotta do what it takes. 

[Sara]

I am getting a bit out of every post and it is reassuring to hear from people who have been there done that.

There lay the real problem when you get the letter that says you are a good candidate for the surgery it is finding someone who will agree to perform the surgery. We are very limited in Australia, there are probably three Doctors who perform GRS/SRS (not sure about BO) and they are all in Capital Cities (Melbourne/Sydney) Dont think Adelaide has any.

Sara.

[Leigh]

You are how many hours from Thailand?  Maybe 5 I would guess.

[Sara]

Yep never thought of that. NZ is another place I could try except the package that they supply costs $30,000.00 AUD. This includes pre and post Therapy and Surgery and all doctors fees and medical costs. It doesnt say on their web page if they do Stage 1 Stage 2 type of Surgery (ie) BO then have a wait and then Do the Vaginoplasty later due to money restrictions.

Sara.

[Leigh]

8700 Australian Dollars for a good surgeon in Thailand-double that for Suporn

[Sara]

Wow Leigh that is a lot cheaper. I'll look into that, thank you.

Had a talk with my GP today and he agrees that I am on the right path, we discussed the issue of being TG and that I had trauma as a child and really havent seen myself as male and he said it could be worse. He seems to think that I have been suffering from panic attacks due to being off the meds and has written to my therapist to express his thoughts on the matter and that he agrees with me that I should have surgery and return to full hormonal treatment asap. He did say one thing that was a little puzzling, he said I was in a grey area, as he put it you are definately not a male but not quit a female, kinda like Lief Garret (if thats how you spell it). I never knew he was a TG, is he trying to be funny or what?

Sara.

[Cassandra]

I'd just like to chime in here on the RLT side. For me it was not a matter of any requirement to live full time. It just became unbearable for me not to. This is who I am. I don't want to, and I won't, live any other way.

I have not regretted a single day since I came out and started living full time. Each day is a joy to me even the bad days. It has not been all peaches and cream either. I have had no surgeries, I haven't even started with electrolisis yet. I am planning on doing all these things, but all in due time. I work on my voice, and mannerisms have not been a problem. Many typically female mannerisms I disscovered I had been doing all my life. I never really noticed them until I started studying them. 

I am fotunate in that I have never been overly masculine looking and pass tolerably well. Main thing is even to those who do read me I really don't care. Not careing goes a long way. People tend not to question when you present yourself in a manner that exudes confidence in who and what you are.

I have been treated with respect and as a lady with all but a very few people. There have been a few incidents in which what it means to be a woman in society has reared its ugly head. I kind of check them off in my mind as new battles which will have to be fought. At least I know once I have completed transition there will be plenty more new battles to occupy my time.

I have no doubt of obtaining my letters. I already have a Psycologist who is prepared to give me the letters. I'm in no hurry on that as I still have to put the funds together for the Op and I want to give the hormones plenty of time to do as much as they can before going under the knife. The FFS I have decided is a definite as I would like to look a little younger and I'm thinking I might want to do that first.

Okay rambled on a little there. My point being, I'm living full time and have done nothing other than cosmetics dress and voice, which  is more androgyness than truly feminine. You don't wait to get surgery to live full time and you shouldn't live full time just to get the surgery. You should live full time because that's who you are.

As has been the subject of many topics here what defines a woman in varies from person to person. You need to live full time to discover what kind of woman you are. When you first accepted that you are a woman in a male body you only knew that you were a woman but you really did'nt know what kind of a woman you are. That is one of the things you need to uncover both in therapy and by living full time. One size does not fit all and you need to figure out what fits you. You can't do this by waiting to start living full time, you just have to do it.

Personally I can't see anyone getting to the point of surgery without RLT. It is putting the cart before the horse. If you are going to do this do it right. Go out, go shopping get a makeover whatever but start living as yourself. If you can't bring yourself to do that then you need to stop right now and examine yourself and ask if this is really who you are.

Good Journey,

Cassie

[Sara]

Cassandra, my that was a long post and all good points. I do get upset sometimes especially because I have been off my meds for about 3 months and my hair has started to grow back on my face a little and that it when I get strange looks. Today I wrote a letter to Australia Post for Sexual Discrimination against me (my wifes ID was not enough this time) they started to smirk and be so unkind to me because of who they think I am. The man raised his voice so loud in front of about three other customers that I felt so embarrassed.

Yes we all face some kind of humility out in the world and things wont get any better from the worlds point of view even after RLT and surgery but as you said we have to start living as ourselves. Be true to yourself, question why and then if the answer is yes I am and yes I do then go forward be strong and get what is rightfuly yours.

Sara.

[Cassandra]

Be true to yourself, question why and then if the answer is yes I am and yes I do then go forward be strong and get what is rightfuly yours.

That's the spirit Sara.

The man raised his voice so loud in front of about three other customers that I felt so embarrassed.

Jerks are everywhere. Don't let yourself be embarrased.  I know its not easy but you just have to roll with it. Like the deodorant commercial say's "never let em see you sweat". Just turn it back on them. I would've said in a little louder voice. Are you deaf? He would have said no. Then at the same volumn, "Then why are you talking so loud, I'm standing right in front of you?" Then see who gets embarrassed. Another thing to remember is he just works for the store. You are the profit he is the overhead.

Cassie

[Sara]

Cassandra, Never thought of it like that. He did make his female staff feel a little uncomfortable as he was shouting and I thought what a jerk you egotystical male. I went home stewed over it for about a minute and thought no way is this jerk going to get me so upset. Normally I would not have done anything about it but because my hormones are playing up I wrote the letter.

Sara.

[DawnL]

Had a talk with my GP today and he agrees that I am on the right path, we discussed the issue of being TG and that I had trauma as a child and really havent seen myself as male and he said it could be worse...He did say one thing that was a little puzzling, he said I was in a grey area, as he put it you are definately not a male but not quit a female, kinda like Lief Garret (if thats how you spell it). I never knew he was a TG, is he trying to be funny or what?

This is very controversial, the idea that a childhood trauma leads to gender dysphoria.  Not seeing yourself as male doesn't make you female either.  I am interested in his basis for saying this.  I had a therapist who said the same thing to me but none of the others I consulted agreed with that assessment.  If you are interested, you can pursue this further here or contact me off-list.  I'm not saying it's true or isn't, just that I've seen very little support for this idea.

Dawn

[Kimberly]

'Childhood trauma'

Hum.

Preschool/elementary age I recall two instances of being disrobed against my will when I was younger... for some reason the kids had a fascination to see my underwear. Once I can call a fluke, twice? ^*shrug* I changed my way of doing things after that.

Does that make me a girl? No.

Does it make me an insecure guy? No.

It does, however, affect my level of trust in people, but so do a number of other things.

Anyway as near as I can tell, for me, what passes for my 'childhood trauma' has had no bearing on my self definition other than it has contributed to my general distrust of people I do not know well.


As far as the "you are definately not a male but not quit a female" comment I have to wonder if it qualifies as a test, as a way to give you a 'professional opinion' way out of a perceived necessary course of action. Regardless, I think he got the "definitely not male" part right at least

[DawnL]

As far as the "you are definately not a male but not quit a female" comment I have to wonder if it qualifies as a test, as a way to give you a 'professional opinion' way out of a perceived necessary course of action. Regardless, I think he got the "definitely not male" part right at least

This is essentially Kate Bornstein's description of herself and one that many transsexuals dislike since it essentially puts her and others like her outside the gender binary.

Dawn

[Northern Jane]

childhood trauma leads to gender dysphoria

They sure got that bass-ackwards!!!! It SHOULD have been

gender dysphoria leads to childhood trauma 

My childhood would have been a hellofa lot better if I had been physically female. It was the damned physical deformity that nearly killed me.

"childhood trauma leads to gender dysphoria" indeed!

[Sara]

Gotta agree with all of it really cause sometimes in trauma we could go either way but for me even before I had that thing happen I knew then I was different (female), all the trauma did was make me become more confused as to who I was as a person. I thought I was doing something wrong. There was a study that showed that something like 86% of males and  females that had childhood trauma due to sexual abuse had some form of gender identity problems. It doesnt say that they wanted to be female or male just cause they were effected by this trauma only that it makes the person/s more confused as to their real identity.

For me it has been clear from day one who I really was, I just could not accept it and still battle each day trying to understand the why but as you all know there are alot of us out there like that.

Could I go on living like a male, well infact no. I have suffered because of my hiding my inner feelings and although I have always dressed up on the outside the inside is still struggling and that is probably why I suffered the panic attacks from being off the hormones as I did not want to be male on the surface or inside. Severely depressed thinking I was going to die has caused me to re evaluate the situation and crying every night is not good and it has been hard explaining or at least hard trying to explain to people my feelings and why I feel this way and I shouldnt expect them to understand BUT I DO.

I never asked to be this screwed up but I am doing something about it and if it means I get to live longer because of it as the person I see myself as then so be it.


Sara.