Just a recap for any who might not have read many of my posts:
I am 51. On HRT for almost 7 months, therapy for a year and a half and electrolysis off and on for about a year. I am out to my wife, 1 of 3 daughters, a few friends, my therapist, electrolygist, and a small local support group. I present at therapy, group and not much else. I have always wished I could pass easily but assumed I would just be seen as a manly, ugly woman.
Last January, I purchased a wig from a place that helps our community and people who have medically lost their hair or cannot grow hair. It is synthetic but a good one and pretty expensive. When I first saw it on me, I thought I looked like an aging rocker (male with long hair). However, I caught a glace from the side and then the front. That was the first time I'd started to see what I should look like.
Three stories that have sort of made me happy.
Two weeks ago after therapy I was driving home. I stayed dressed and with a wig on. It was warm and the windows were down. My drive goes through a lower income area and all the people were out and on the sidewalk and streets. I wasn't sure how I looked but I heard a late 20's african american yell out, "Hey, looker." to me. I was first pleased, then worried that he was making fun of me. I looked quickly in the rear view mirror and saw myself as pretty okay. So I came away from that with mixed feelings.(I am sure this may grow old as I have read from many others).
Yesterday was therapy again. My therapist said that I looked good, my hair looked the nicest it has ever looked. Then she interrupted our conversation saying, "I'm sorry to interrupt. I hope it doesn't bother you that I noticed but the moment you walked in I couldn't help but notice. You have breasts." (pretty small but starting to show to the sides) I usually wear a mix of casual and formal clothing: button down shirt, vest or jacket and tie with jeans; nice pants with a t shirt and a nice shirt over... Even when I dress with a skirt for the visit, I usually have a shrug, sweater or something over. The point is, always with a second layer on top. I was not wearing it. I imagine I blushed, pleased. Especially because I was feeling less confident as I had to let my facial hair grow for my next appointment that day.
I went from there to my electrolysis appointment. I had never gone dressed but did not have the time to change. I walked in and to the office. "Oh, it's you!" She exclaimed. "I was curious who was coming in, I knew I had your appointment and saw this person coming in..." She later asked if I wanted her to use correct pronouns and what name to use. I had not required that yet as I am mostly still in male mode. She later asked who I got the wig from and said, "It fits you really well. You look good in it." I hope she is not just saying that. I know she works with many in our community here.
So, every so often. A little encouragement. Between layering and my normal look, I am pretty stealth as far as hiding the changes. It surprised me how with no make up, stubble, and what I usually wear (minus the sports jacket)and my wig, it felt like I passed. It mostly seemed to be my wig. It is hot and a little persnickity. However, for a day or two, it's my best friend.
Lot of information stating very little. However, I needed to share it with someone.
With warmth,
Joanna
