Just a recap for any who might not have read many of my posts:

I am 51. On HRT for almost 7 months, therapy for a year and a half  and electrolysis off and on for about a year. I am out to my wife, 1 of 3 daughters, a few friends, my therapist, electrolygist, and a small local support group. I present at therapy, group and not much else. I have always wished I could pass easily but assumed I would just be seen as a manly, ugly woman.

Last January, I purchased a wig from a place that helps our community and people who have medically lost their hair or cannot grow hair. It is synthetic but a good one and pretty expensive. When I first saw it on me, I thought I looked like an aging rocker (male with long hair). However, I caught a glace from the side and then the front. That was the first time I'd started to see what I should look like.

Three stories that have sort of made me happy.

Two weeks ago after therapy I was driving home. I stayed dressed and with a wig on. It was warm and the windows were down. My drive goes through a lower income area and all the people were out and on the sidewalk and streets. I wasn't sure how I looked but I heard a late 20's african american yell out, "Hey, looker." to me. I was first pleased, then worried that he was making fun of me. I looked quickly in the rear view mirror and saw myself as pretty okay. So I came away from that with mixed feelings.(I am sure this may grow old as I have read from many others).

Yesterday was therapy again. My therapist said that I looked good, my hair looked the nicest it has ever looked. Then she interrupted our conversation saying, "I'm sorry to interrupt. I hope it doesn't bother you that I noticed but the moment you walked in I couldn't help but notice. You have breasts." (pretty small but starting to show to the sides) I usually wear a mix of casual and formal clothing: button down shirt, vest or jacket and tie with jeans; nice pants with a t shirt and a nice shirt over... Even when I dress with a skirt for the visit, I usually have a shrug, sweater or something over. The point is, always with a second layer on top. I was not wearing it. I imagine I blushed, pleased. Especially because I was feeling less confident as I had to let my facial hair grow for my next appointment that day.

I went from there to my electrolysis appointment. I had never gone dressed but did not have the time to change. I walked in and to the office. "Oh, it's you!" She exclaimed. "I was curious who was coming in, I knew I had your appointment and saw this person coming in..." She later asked if I wanted her to use correct pronouns and what name to use. I had not required that yet as I am mostly still in male mode. She later asked who I got the wig from and said, "It fits you really well. You look good in it." I hope she is not just saying that. I know she works with many in our community here.

So, every so often. A little encouragement. Between layering and my normal look, I am pretty stealth as far as hiding the changes. It surprised me how with no make up, stubble, and what I usually wear (minus the sports jacket)and my wig, it felt like I passed. It mostly seemed to be my wig. It is hot and a little persnickity. However, for a day or two, it's my best friend.

Lot of information stating very little. However, I needed to share it with someone.

With warmth,
Joanna

Its all those little things that cause us to have a little glow around us, its so nice.
Happy for you

What a great story!

It's really funny how getting our presentation lined up with our identity can feel so nice, and when others notice and complement us, wow!  Self-esteem goes up a few notches and the world looks like a brighter place.

I also am out to just part of my family, and currently limit presenting as myself to therapy, group, and the electrologist, but never at home.  Alas, it's not enough. I'm worried that by going back into hiding so much I might be causing more repression-related damage to myself.  When I pop on the wig before the mirror, I think "Oh, there I am!"  It's like flipping a switch.

Hello Joanna,

I just love it when I get a chance to put myself together an just enjoy the "look". I am 68, a couple of months into hrt and make a reasonable "Old Lady". What you have described with your three stories sounds like you are getting quite comfortable with yourself as well. Isn't it a great feeling? I just finished a marathon electrolysis session last Monday and am still recovering from it. I was feeling a bit scruffy and had to used a little bit more makeup than normal this morning before going into my OBGYN for my first hrt follow up appointment. Everyone at the clinic just treated me as me, respected, welcomed, what a feeling, it sent me over the moon! Reading your message told me that your were feeling that same great feeling, that feeling that I like to think of as "normal". Thank you for sharing your stories, they help us all remember what it is all about.

Anne

I can totally sympathize with the elation of being properly gendered. Early in my transition I was shopping in a large department store. I asked a sales associate where the bathroom was located. She pointed to the women's bathroom. I was shocked and for a split second began thinking about walking back my request ("thank you, I'll stop by later"). Before I could get the words out, the sales associate said to me (I was holding several women's clothing items in my hands), "Here Hon, let me hold on to your stuff so you can use the restroom".

I remember feeling as if I was walking in slow motion as I walked to the women's restroom. I was paralyzed as I opened the door and had prepared myself for screams/complaints from any customers inside. As I walked in, I noticed out of my peripheral vision a few women by the sink washing their hands. I saw one empty stall (thank god!). I went inside and made sure to squat when peeing. My fear of being clocked grew as I went by the sink to wash my hands. No one said anything. I made sure not to make any eye contact.

After that incident, my confidence grew where now I use the women's bathroom when not at home for all occasions - especially when on a date!

It's so elating to be gendered correctly and go under the radar. Not to sound cynical but I prefer to go under the radar and not be bothered by anyone. I don't want to be noticed and don't want to attract any attention when out in the city running errands and going about my day.

It's a fight to live my best life.

Thanks so much for all the positive responses. It was quite nice. I am starting to feel more comfortable but oddly enough felt off because of the stubble. Guess most didn't notice it? My electrologist has removed most of my dark colored hairs and is jumping into the non pigmented ones.

Nina,

I  want to welcome you to the site. Thanks for the comments, it was very sweet.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Joanna - thank you for the warm welcome and the links. I'll be sure to check them out!

All the best

- Nina

Hi Joanna,

It feels so wonderful to get a complement, especially when it is about body changes and people noticing feminine changes.

Quote from: Rachel Lynn on September 05, 2016, 11:23:29 AM
Hi Joanna,

It feels so wonderful to get a complement, especially when it is about body changes and people noticing feminine changes.

Yes it is. It is odd for me because I have never been able to take a compliment about my looks before. I would brush it off or get embarrassed. Now, I might blush but am so pleased and thankful.

Thanks again to all who posted. It was a bunch of little things but just gave that boost we all need now and then.

With warmth,

Joanna