Hey all! I'm a 20 year old Aussie MtF, looking for advice on transitioning and some trans friends. I thought I'd start by posting my story here. First, some general info: I've grown up in a fairly conservative area; nobody in my extended family are LGBT at all; went to Catholic private schools my whole life where anyone LGBT were likely to be bullied, etc. So in general, not a great environment for a shy person to embrace being trans.
At 13-14 I first began to notice gender quirks. I preferred my legs smooth and didn't want them hairy like other boys. At the same time, I wanted facial hair to fit in. I had other stereotypically female interests that I didn't consider important, and didn't know what transgender was at this age.
At 15 I can remember having my first vivid thought of, "I wish I was a girl". I can't remember what caused me to think this, it sort of came out of nowhere but was also the result of being envious of pretty girls my age. I assumed it was normal for boys to sometimes wonder what it'd be like to be girls, and ignored it.
At 16 I discovered "traps", transgender/->-bleeped-<- and sissy porn, etc., and had an unexplained interest in it. I'd always been straight, but around this age was having bicurious fantasies and had tried crossdressing. I told myself it was all a phase, especially given the homophobia at school/home (the idea of actually being bisexual or trans was horrifying).
At 17 I became heavily depressed due to gender issues and studying. I found myself choosing female avatars in online games, and preferring to be referred to as female online. Fantasising about being a girl was almost like an escape from stress, but it was stressful in itself as I questioned every tiny detail about my life and whether or not I was truly transgender. This went on for years (is still going on, to be honest). At this time, I refused to admit or accept that I was trans.
At 18 my depression and gender confusion got worse. I started going to the gym to fit in with male friends, and hoping that if I forced myself to be masculine, the feminine desires would go away. This is where serious body issues started... every time I began to develop muscle, I would make excuses to stop working out because deep down I wanted to remain skinny/feminine.
At 19 I overcame depression and largely accepted that I was bisexual and trans. Dabbled in make-up and dressing up and enjoyed it all, but got scared of the prospects of transitioning, so tried to repress it all again. I began thinking about transitioning a lot, I was obsessed with MtF timelines, HRT before and afters, trans youtubers, etc. I constantly imagined how my life would be if I transitioned.
And now I'm 20! I've accepted that I'm likely trans, and realise that these feelings aren't going away and I'm not getting any younger... I've really, really wanted to start HRT for months now. The more I research it, the more I realise that HRT is harder to obtain in Australia than I thought. I need to go through therapists, GP's, psychologists, get letters of recommendation, all of whom have long waiting lists and are expensive...
So that's why I thought I'd make an account here and get some advice for it all and chat with like minded people.
