I made a thread a bit ago, about my mother's lack of understanding and some of the rude things she said to me today.
Currently my situation is anything but ideal, especially not for transitioning. I definitely want and need to transition, but it is going to take time. Though I believe this is the truth for anyone. Currently, I depend on my husband for stability. He has the job, he makes the money, he pays the bills, etc. I came out to him once, and he didn't accept it at all. So I went back in the closet for fear of losing that stability. My mother's rude comments this morning though, did have a silver lining. She is correct on a few things.
I can't expect the world to bend over backwards just because I want to transition. I need the funds to transition. I need to be able to support myself, both financially and otherwise, and my children, in case of my husband flipping out and leaving. I don't know for fact that he would do this. For all I know we will stay together, or we will stay until our kids are old enough to move out on their own. Either way though, I know how he is with money, and he will not be happy to give me "his" money for any of my transitioning.
I had a nice long chat with myself. I felt very down due to my mothers comments. Felt that I was never going to achieve this dream, and kept telling myself to give up. I told myself to just continue with what I had in life, and that I would be fine. There was no reason to ruin what I have, and to just ignore my feelings. That didn't work though. Again. I have had this conversation with myself a few times, but my real me is very resilient and very strong. He want's out, and I can't keep shutting him out.
So I am taking charge. I have already started taking better care of myself physically, working out, etc. Now it is time to better my future so I can transition without fear. I have applied for college starting next Jan. I am going on thirty years of age, but I don't care.
I have a passion and a dream now, to become a therapist. I want to help LGBT in my area. Especially trans people. With luck, and much further down the line, I want to try and get a non-profit organization going specifically for helping trans people with their health needs and otherwise. Being on that side of the fence now, I am seeing how horrible the support is where I live. There are very few therapist that are in the field, and even less support. I want to help. In the process of helping others, I will be helping myself too.
