Seeing a therapist tomorrow

[gabriellecapulet]

So tomorrow I go to therapy and for the first time I want to discuss my gender. It wasn't the reason I sought out counseling (though I made sure to get a therapist that is trans friendly), there's been some stuff in my family life recently that's been going on and now I've found that being Gabi helps so I want to see where that goes or what that means.

I'm a little nervous. The last therapist I saw on and off was a former priest and we spent most of our time talking about Cuban history, politics, and theology (I get lonely, so the conversation was nice). So I don't know what to expect.

When I set up the appointment via email, I didn't mention gender, mostly family stuff. (that I've been able to cope with by living as a girl when alone). Should I give her a heads up in an email before hand that I'd also like to talk about gender issues? Should I start off right at the beginning of the session when she asks why I'm here? Do I correct her about my name?

Honestly, I'm very confused.

And if she says "tell me about yourself" I'm not sure how to bring it up since I don't have gender dysphoria, mostly gender euphoria. Honestly, I've never had a good answer to "tell me about yourself".

[Nema]

  Although I can't give you any advice, I do want to wish you luck. I've never been to any type of psychologist, but I've just recently found one that I am planning to speak with. Like you, I am also going for somewhat of a different reason (anxiety), but gender will most likely become the main topic.

Cheers!

[SadieBlake]

I'd just bring it up when you get to the appt. I'm sure the therapist will be fine with however you want to introduce yourself. Of course let them know pronouns and name and I'm sure that will be fine. THey're there to support you.

Most therapists won't discuss anything to do with treatment via email, email isn't considered sufficiently secure / private. So while they may read your email, some will not even and might not respond. My regular therapist will respond to emails about non-clinical things like logistics and because *I* don't care about confidentiality I will sometimes drop her a note about issues and I don't expect a reply or a note.

My new therapist who I'm seeing for a short period and mainly for a surgery letter has a solid policy about not wanting any emails and will only accept text messages for pure logistics things like scheduling.

Good luck, relax and really no need to overthink it. Therapy can be hard work and the therapist is there to help it happen.

[Rachel]

First remember to breath;everything will be ok. When you discuss yourself be honest and thorough. Just be yourself. Good luck.

[JulieL]

That sounds like my first visit to my current therapist. I went primarily for depression and anxiety, but we also talked gender a bit in my first session. When I found her I also made sure she was trans friendly. And I was super excited about being able to talk to someone. During the first session I was pretty nervous. We talked about the depression and anxiety, and when we were wrapping up I knew I had to bring up my feelings about my gender identity or I'd kick myself for two weeks. I also don't experience a lot of dysphoria, but presenting as a woman and thinking about being a woman does feel euphoric.

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

[itsApril]

Make a list of the things you want to talk about it in therapy and share it with her.  Not just the things to talk about in the first session - list all of them.  Don't worry about it if you haven't got them all worked out or find it hard to express them.  (That's what you're entering therapy for - to get clarity on issues that are confused or hard to define.)  But an overview like this will really help your therapist figure out how to help you. 

With that overview, the therapist can help you figure out the right order to address various issues.  (Maybe it's best to talk first about the things that are causing you the most grief?  Or maybe first with some minor issues that would be easiest to resolve?)  There's no single way to do it - everything should be based on your individual personality and problems.  Good therapists are very flexible.

It's scary as hell to talk about gender identity issues to someone for the first time.  (We've ALL been there!)  But you've done your homework and identified a practitioner who has experience in this stuff.  So don't be afraid to put the issue in the open.  She's not going to freak out.

Here's a suggestion in case you worry that you won't have the nerve to talk about Gabi: Just print out a copy of what you posted above to start this thread.  You did a fine job of laying out the issue so WE could understand it.  If you find it too hard to speak about it at first, just show the printout to your therapist and let her take it from there.

At this stage, it's hard to know where Gabi fits into the picture.  Maybe she's just a situational response to temporary tension in your family.  Maybe she's a long-term pleasant part of your life.  Maybe she's your future.  Stay positive and work hard on therapy and you'll find the right answer!

I'm thinking about you today as you have your appointment!  Good luck!

[DawnOday]

I went to the therapist 6 or 7 times over last 35 years before I mentioned the 800 lb gorilla in the room. I've performed a cover-up the CIA would be proud of. In the last 6 months since telling the truth, I have learned so much about myself. So much so I am on hormones for almost a month.

I have one more thing and that is my treatment at Group Health here in Washington. From the Therapist to the Doctors to the Nurses, everyone has been super supportive. I signed up for speech therapy and discovered it was not just about speech but the whole transgender experience, Talking is just a small fraction to the process. Walking in heels, mannerisms, even advice on makeup and clothes are included. I was shocked so much was available. Emily Anderson is my speech / transition therapist.

I guess my point is , Get to the point  Don't dilly dally with "Oh I'm stressed" because that is not the reason you are really there for.

[Jacqueline]

Gabi,
Welcome to the site.

I would say you should bring it up. It sounds like you know what you like and the rest you are unsure of. That alone is a starting point. I too went originally for depression but it was set so early, I realized the prime issue I had that might be feeding into it ...

Even if you are not experiencing dysphoria, it is important to share this with a therapist or they may miss something big.

Good luck. I hope it goes/went well.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Anne Blake]

Hello Gabi,

You know that you will only get out of therapy what you are willing to put into it. Therapists are there to help us grow in issues that we can't fully handle ourselves. I not only told my therapist about Anne before our first session, I attended it as Anne. I wanted her to get to know who I was. The second session I went as my guy self but attended all further session as Anne. And, I also experience transgender life from the euphoric side. I do have sad times and tears but mostly find joy in my much preferred self. Good luck, and if you are willing, please share your learnings.

Anne

[gabriellecapulet]

Hi everyone! Thanks for your replies.

The first meeting went well. She asked basic diagnostic questions. Very introductory. Asked for my gender, said "unsure." For preferred pronouns i said "I don't care. I've always used he/him, but she/her would be ok too, I like hearing or seeing that one when I'm online." That probably was a missed opportunity.

Then we went through most of my life (we stopped right at my high school graduation). She would stop and ask questions to delve into certain points in my life. And for the first time ever I told the story about how my parents had me switch schools because I came out on Myspace the summer before 8th grade. And it was interesting because it's a time that I want to forget and having to talk about it is really making me think (since I tend to just overlook the uncomfortable). I mentioned when I started crossdressing, though skipped over the first time I thought I might have been trans.

Before the end of the session she asked if there was anything specifically on my mind. I just said gender, identity, where's the line between crossdressing and trans and mentioned that while I don't have dysphoria, I do think I might have euphoria. So at least she's aware of what's going on in my head.

And until next week, a week to think, worry, and relax.

I'll add that I'm considering asking her to use my girl name because even though I'll be in boy mode, I do want to get used to thinking "that's me" and seeing if it fits. Not sure if that's weird or appropriate.

Thanks again, and know I'll be annoying on here and continue to ask a lot of questions (often and sometimes maybe mundane and silly).

[Jacqueline]

...I'll be annoying on here and continue to ask a lot of questions (often and sometimes maybe mundane and silly).

Congratulations on what sounds like a really good first visit. I think most of us are where you are or were there before. No worries about the questions.

No problem requesting the therapist to use the feminine name. I am sure you can always switch back if you want. That is one of the great things about therapy. It gets to be like roll playing before heading out to the real world.

Good luck.

With warmth,

Joanna