So, I didn't get myself admitted in a ward, but I visited my therapist. I talked to him, I felt better.
Something happened to me last night in the bathroom. I was getting ready to sleep, when, I felt as if I had lost all the energy in my legs. I fainted, only to wake up on the bathroom floor 5-6 minutes later. I had banged my head, luckily, there was no blood, there was just a painful, throbbing, swelling.
I think, I have blood loss anaemia. I have lost a lot of blood in the past few days, what with me cutting like a ninja, but that fall, brought me back to my senses, it was sort of like a revelation.
I slept, with the decision to call my parents first thing in the morning.
Since then, I have made calls to my dad, my mom, and they are coming to meet me here. I told them, that I have been seeing a therapist, I told them, that I was on medication for the past couple months.
They have talked with my therapist, and we are going to have a meeting together, with him.
My mom is calling me constantly, she now knows about my cutting. She thinks I have suicidal ideations. I could sense, she had been crying when she last called. My dad was trying to make me laugh, cracking silly jokes, to make the mood lighter. He is always like that, but I know, deep inside, he is hurt. I feel so guilty, so sad because I made them cry.
They have always tried to be the best parents. It is me who failed them as their son.
I wish I could make up for it somehow.
Right now, a part of me is scared, another part of me is excited, and the rest of me is mostly relieved.
I know, this decision to call my parents today, will go a long way, in defining me as an individual.
Thank you everyone for those who supported me, and hugs for those who need some support.
I'll keep updating.
Love,
Saira.
