Seen FTM transition on ex crush and felt "strange"..

[lady godiva]

First of all, dear friends, since I am not that practical with the proper topic language, please, do try to get the meaning of what I am saying before suggesting me how to properly address to what I am talking about.

The story is the following: yesterday, in the gym, I might have seen my lesbian crush after 6 months of FTM HRT .. I do not know what happened, because I usually do not look at nobody when under training but something caught my attention and when I looked at this new guy, he was looking at me and there I suddenly felt something big inside, like a jolt..

He was there, with a rather short kinda "savagely styled" beard and some 5 cm "spiny" hair which seemed dry, all straight on the head, almost without order.. (while when I met her, she had lovely blonde hair, so these details made me think..)

Off course, at first I didn't think that the new guy might be the girl I had fallen for, but right the next moment when I looked better, doubts assailed me: shoes, clothes and posture were identical to the ones I knew.

Just on one arm a large tattoo - but that might be something new belonging to these summer months ( we haven't seen each other since she started transition because of her jealous GF).

While I was there watching, I felt strange. As "in trouble" towards something that I could not imagine being ever so big and so strong. His eyes paralyzed me. They passed me a sense of insecurity that I didn't have felt since last we met. That it's why I thought that guy could be my old crush.

The fact is, I guess, that I find it very difficult to talk about her in the masculine gender now maybe 'cause I was in love with her and it was right that (now lost  ) feminine side to have attracted me the most. I am bisex but was not looking for an other man at all when I met her!

Said that, now my "fear" is to see this person again and if he is who I guess, to not know how to behave, what to say! It is more than six months since we last saw each other, thus even the crush thing, you know.. it is not easy.

So, please, if someone wants to give me some advice or share with me a lived situation, I'll be very pleased to read it!

I am more than sure if FTM HRT was working on someone else, things would be completely different.

[xchrisx]

"her/him"?

Also not sure why you describe his hair and facial hair in such a way.

Sorry but this is an odd post, OP

[sarah1972]

Was it a crush or have you been in a relationship? You clearly have very string feelings for him. What is not entirely clear from your post is if you did not see him for 6 month due to his transition or if it was just life happening. You also did not mention if it was a one sided crush or if your crush was returned :-) All this is pretty normal. I have crushes from more than 20 years ago which would cause similar reactions if I would see them today (independent of any transition).

You also need to ask yourself can you accept him as male. I get the sense that you are struggling with his transition. Love is usually so much more than just the physical appearance. Unfortunately many trans people have seen their (long term) relations crumble and break apart in the majority of the cases. Having a significant other able to accept and handle a seems to be the smaller number of cases.

Let's assume you will be able to accept his transition: Invite him for a drink after training and see what happens.

If you will not be able to accept him being a male - you can continue to suffer or you may have to find different times / locations for your training.

The way you describe you being hit by a jolt... I hope you can invite him out for a drink and hopefully have a future!

In any case - as mentioned in another response: most of us are very sensitive to pronouns and we are born this way. None of us minds to be asked which pronoun we prefer if you are unsure, otherwise try to stick to "him".

Good luck!

[lady godiva]

"her/him"?

Also not sure why you describe his hair and facial hair in such a way.

Sorry but this is an odd post, OP

You are more than right xchrisx and that is the reason why I started my post stating that I have some problems the overall situation.. I am not an English speaker, so maybe what I innocently wanted to say about his hair turned out to sound weirder than I imagined. And yes, you made me notice that I forgot talking about the hair before leaving the post.. When I met Her, and fell in one minute, she had lovely blonde hair, but right before transition she shaved almost completely. So, when I saw that guy and noticed the new short hair, I counted the months and guessed might be the person I had fallen for time ago. I said it was spiny and dry because it was really looking that way - and maybe inside my head an unconscious comparison with the blonde one took place.

In any case, there was no reason in me to hurt anyone. Thus, if I did sound strange, I am sorry. If I was aware of these moments or had someone to turn to here where I live, using my own language, surely I was not confronting me here. It is not easy in any case.

Hugs.

[lady godiva]

I checked my message and fixed (as you rightly suggested me!) those lines where articles and genders might sound weird. Thanks guys!

[FTMax]

First and foremost - you shouldn't continue to view this person through how they were in the past (female, she, her, etc.). I understand you're trying to reference what you were attracted to prior to their transition, but it's inappropriate now given that they've transitioned. You have to let go of how you saw that person before. The femininity that you were attracted to is probably not going to be there anymore, and they may take great offense to any mention of it if you were to speak to them.

If this person also saw you and didn't say anything, they probably either aren't the person you're thinking of, or they don't want to talk to you. I've never seen anybody be able to grow a full short beard on T for 6 months and that leads me to think that this isn't the same person. Maybe send them a text/email/Facebook message and ask if you saw them at the gym the other day. That will save both of you a lot of embarrassment if you're wrong or they don't want to speak to you. If you can't get in touch with them directly, I would just forget about it.

I remember commenting on your initial posts about this person several months ago and my advice then was to drop it. If this person hasn't contacted you in several months, regardless of their reason for it (I think you said their girlfriend at the time asked them not to), they do not want to talk to you. Continuing to view them as a friend or potential romantic option is probably not healthy for you at this point.

[lady godiva]

Thanks FTMax! You also told me what other friends said. Yes, we are talking about the same person and yes, we had some contact since then but I let it go.. and I things were over, or so I thought.. but that person made me think about everything. Only that.

The beard lines were just to say that the beard of this guy was short and like "new" , so all together I thought.. But yes, sure, now I will always use the masculine gender and understand changes. And accept.

Thanks to all of you!! Really. It is great to know you are there!