So hard

[TX16]

I am at a road block. Kind of. I have spoken with two different therapist. One of which I set up an appointment with for the 27th. They are very close to my house, maybe ten minutes away. It is perfect. I don't have the best car in the world, and I have horrible driving anxiety when I am driving in place I don't know. I don't have a cellphone, and the fear of my car breaking down, with me being alone, no way of contacting anyone, terrifies me. So with the office being so close, and me knowing the area, I want to go to them.

However, despite my insurance, I was told I had to pay 20 dollars for the copay. The problem here is that I don't have access to mine and my husbands money. He pays the bills, he makes the money, he has the debit card, etc. I am not good with money, and have always spent it frivolously in the past, so we agreed long ago that he would hold onto it all. When I need or want something, he just gets it. Now though, I have no idea how I am supposed to ask for 20 dollars, let alone the next 20 dollars for the appointment after this.

I scrounged up change around the house, but only got five dollars in quarters.

The other therapist I spoke with, takes my insurance and does not require a copay. They told me that I wouldn't have to pay anything. Which is fantastic! BUT, they are 15 minutes away, down the interstate. They are very far off, in an area I am unfamiliar with. I don't like interstates, and I am so scared to go to them because I am afraid I will get lost, or my car will break down. I am so scared that something bad will happen, and I will be stuck, unable to call anyone. AND when I finally do get to call someone, I would have to explain to my husband why I was all the way out there in the first place. He knows I don't go places. I have social anxiety. I sit in the house. I go to the store with him, I go and pick up my kids, pick him up from work, and that is it. I don't go anywhere. So explaining that, and dealing with the stress of all of that, just seems too much.

I have no idea what to do. I am trying to figure it all out, and it just spiraling out of control.

-end rant

[Elis]

Couldn't you just tell your husband your going to therapy for social anxiety and not because your trans? Or maybe you could make a few practice runs to the second therapists office to familiarise yourself with the route and area.

[TX16]

Sadly no, he doesn't believe in therapist. I tried to bring that up a few years ago, and he went on a long rant about therapist and how useless they were. In the end though, I know it my life and my right to see a therapist, despite what he believes. Right now I fear telling him that I want to see a therapist, will automatically make him assume the trans parts since I came out once and then went back to the closet.

Practice runs sounds like a good idea. I think I will try that. Thank you for the suggestion.

[FTMax]

Whenever I have to go somewhere new, I always do a practice run. If possible, try to do it on the same day of the week at the same time that you would be driving there for your appointment so you get a feel for traffic and road conditions at that time of day.

It's also nice to look at the satellite view or street view on Google Maps before you go if it's available. That way you can see where the parking lot entrance is, what the parking situation is like, if it's a labeled front door that you walk up to or if it's in an office building, etc.

Another feature that's nice on Google Maps is the "Avoid" function. If you put in the start and end points, you can click "Avoid Highways" under the Options tab. This would take you on the smallest roads possible to get you from point A to point B. It will probably take a lot longer than the 15 minutes it would take on the interstate, but it may be more comfortable for you. As an example - using the most rural place I'm familiar with, it takes about 18 minutes to use the interstate to go to the next town over. It takes closer to 40 minutes if you avoid major highways. So you may be looking at something similar.

I don't know what your husband's income situation is, but I know there are government programs that provide free cell phones with a certain number of minutes and texts. I don't think they're anything fancy, but that would get you from point A to point B. BudgetMobile Lifeline is what I'm thinking of if you wanted to check it out. I don't know anything about the eligibility requirements, but if you qualify and it's available where you live, I think it would be worth looking into. Even if you have to ask your husband in order to do it, I think it's worth it and easily sold by the fact that you're driving your kids around in an unreliable car. Heck, pitching it that way may make him open to paying for a phone if you don't qualify for a free one.

The money situation is a tough one. It won't solve your immediate problem, but I would encourage you to look into remote or telework jobs. They don't pay much for folks without niche skills, but you can still make decent money doing data entry or customer service. You type/write well, so could be something to consider. You'd just need access to a computer with internet access for the most part, and hours tend to be fairly flexible as well.

Is there anything you could need to buy that your husband would absolutely not want to buy? Maybe you could say that you need $50 because you want to get a gift for a relative or friend for their birthday/anniversary/etc. Say you're not really sure what you're planning to get them and wanted to go to a specific store to take a look. It would be easy to integrate this with the rest of the therapy thing if there's any kind of small, locally owned stores in that area that sell gifts and maybe have reduced hours compared to big box retailers. Then it's a matter of "Could you take out $50 for me at the ATM? I wanted to get something for Aunt Joan for her birthday. She told me she really likes that antique store over off the interstate, so I was thinking about going over there next Tuesday and taking a look. I can't imagine I'd get anything that costs more than $50, so I'll bring you the change. They'll be closed by the time you get home from work, otherwise I'd just have you drive me."

That's a one time excuse though. Would your husband be very opposed if you told him you wanted to talk to a therapist about helping you IGNORE your feelings of gender dysphoria? I don't know how opposed you are to outright lying, or if that is something he would be on board with but at least then you'd technically be telling the truth about where the money is going.

It's a tough spot to be in. Would the further away therapist be able to get you in soon for an appointment? If they couldn't get you in for another week or so it would give you more time to figure out your phone issue or what to say about being out there.

[WhisperingEarth]

Oh I wish I saw this earlier Trent hopefully everything is going alright for you lately! It sounds like a conundrum has happened and hopefully it hasn't halted progress. I don't think there is much for me to say as what FTMax has put gives very good information; but hopefully you'll let us know how things are going .