Joy in being transgender... yes or no?

[Steph Eigen]

Does anyone who is really transgender want to be?  The high rate of attempted and successful suicides in transgender people alone would argue the answer to this question is a resounding "NO."

There is an interesting book, "The Prophets" by Heschel where he makes a critical observation that all prophets initially reject their calling to serve as prophets, deeming themselves inadequate, unworthy, or simply ordinary people that want to continue ordinary lives.  After usually much trial and tribulation, they accept their charge and begin the awesome tasks ahead.  It seems to me that being transgender is something analogous to Heschel's predicament of the prophets.

It seems to me more open discussion of ->-bleeped-<- has spanned a group of the confused who are probably not truly transgender but just confused.  Many of these individuals seem to be excited to discover that they are or believe they are transgender.  Actually, they seem frankly elated to be transgender. 

Personally, I have a hard time finding any joy in being transgender.  I understand the joy of rising above and prevailing over this "birth defect" but cannot understand how one might find joy in having it.  It was comforting to get to the point where I had figured out the big picture, what was going on and could begin to understand the nature of this beast.  From that point onward, it has been hard work. 

I am thankful for having found Susan's Place and the wonderful people I've met here.  I marvel over the courage of very brave people who soldier on through the difficulties of transition and applaud their every success. Then there are the others like me who are still trying to find a path toward transition or another option that will allow life to be lived without so much pain.  Given the choice, wouldn't any of us chosen not to have to struggle with all of this in the first place?

[lily paige]

Im proud to be trans. Its hard and there are many things to deal with. I wouldn't wish been trans on anyone. But i wouldn't want to be anything else. Unless it was biological female. Is there joy yes even though is hard and there is pain.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

[Devlyn]

The beauty of this place is that we embrace everyone on the gender spectrum. And it is a spectrum rather than just point A and  point B. I'm one of the happy transgender people, and  I never understand why that would rub someone the wrong way. Looking forward to seeing everyone's opinions here.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Just Me Here]

I don't think anyone really minds actually being transgender, per se, but rather the baggage that comes with it. The difficulty in finding help and acceptance due to a long history of stigmatisation is often a hard burden to bear. If, however, you were to measure the relative happiness of the Kathoey or the Hijra of Thailand and India, respectively, to the happiness of those in countries with a history of indoctrination, religious or otherwise, against transgender people, I believe that you would find a correlation between acceptance of one's role in society with the society's acceptance of one's role.
So, hypothetically, if there was a way to afford a perfect "sex change", or perhaps even an imperfect one as we have now,  in a society with little or no stigma or derision of/against trans people, then I don't think people would mind, or even think twice, including the trans people involved.
As for finding joy in it? I would say the change and the struggle are what you make of it.

[Denni]

I do not know if it is joy for me, it is more of an acceptance of knowing who I am finally after all of these years. That brings to me more peace of mind than joy. I also wonder what life would be like, living a non-transgender life, I suspect it would be much simpler, that being said, I embrace who I am,  accept who I am, and live my life going forward as transgender.

[aaajjj55]

I suspect that our feelings about our ->-bleeped-<- stem from our environment.  There's still a lot of prejudice in the world (some of it real, some of it perceived) that lead us to struggle to come to terms with our feelings.  We may slo have the baggage of life to deal with (spouses, kids, comfortable life, career etc.) and family members may be non-accepting.  So, at this point in time, I really wish that I didn't have to contend with dysphoria.

However, if I was my 20 year old self now, could be certain that my parents etc. would be supportive and confident that society would accept me, then I think I would be far more able to embrace the situation.

If, however, you were to measure the relative happiness of the Kathoey or the Hijra of Thailand and India, respectively, to the happiness of those in countries with a history of indoctrination, religious or otherwise, against transgender people, I believe that you would find a correlation between acceptance of one's role in society with the society's acceptance of one's role.

I partially agree but let's not forget that the Kathoey are frequently rejected by their families.  Yes, Thailand in particular is an accepting society but I would bet that, as they get older and their beauty fades, a fair proportion of the Thai Kathoey are faced with making the best of their situation rather than being euphoric about it.  The Hijra, on the other hand are generally forced to live as outcasts in Indian society with begging their major source of income and, often, with a rather dubious and miuch simplified version of SRS to right nature's wrongs. Again, I suspect that many of them would have preferred not to be transgender[/quote]


I also think that position on the TG spectrum plays a part.  A contented crossdresser can quite legitimately feel 'blessed' with their situation and a trawl through Flickr, for example shows tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of photographs of individuals completely at ease and positively embracing their situation.  On the other hand someone whose life is being torn apart to a greater or lesser degree and/or has a lot to lose will probably wish they were not transgender.  I know I do.

Finally, I think that it's important that we don't confuse the euphoria of a successful transition with joy of being transgender and, I think most of us on this site wish that we had been born into the right gender to start with.

Amanda

[JessicaSondelli]

I believe being transgender is an awesome thing. Who else got to experience both sides of gender? The tough part is simply the lack of acceptance by the so called mainstream society. If we would be simply accepted as who we are, I'm sure the suicide rate would be much more comparable to non trans people. Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go....

Jessica - a proud transwoman


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[KathyLauren]

I don't know of anyone who enjoys being transgender.  But the internal resistance to being trans stems entirely from the reactions of people around us.  If the reaction of others were mostly positive - no name-calling, no bullying, no discrimination, happy, supportive - being trans could indeed by something to be happy about.  After all, what's not to like: we would get to be ourselves, to be a bit interesting. 

[Michelle_P]

All of the pain and, yes, joy that I associate with being transgender comes from the social and cultural interactions that result from my being a transwoman, not from the transgender nature I have, now that I'm being treated.

Prior to starting HRT, being transgender meant that I had internal biological conflicts, essentially trying to run my brain with the wrong set of neuroendocrine signals.  There's no joy in THAT experience. I've been miserable ever since this effeminate prepubescent child got puberty kick-started with testosterone injections, trying to function with the constant mental 'noise' and attention disruption I experienced for 5 decades. Oh, I had many happy days in there, but I always returned to my 'ground state' of discomfort with myself, and the inevitable rise of depression and anxiety from both the internal discomfort and the social pressure to stay hidden and conform.

With the internal biological conflicts largely resolved through HRT, I can at least be open to experiencing joy, and I often do now, as I return to embracing my feminine nature and abandon the traipses of my male camouflage.  Simply moving forward to realize my true self brings me joy.  (And makeovers... Wow. )  This is all part of the social experience, how I see and am seen by others.

[SailorMars1994]

Being trans is cool, being suck in a wrong body isn't. The truth is Trans is a spectrum, we got really tomboys, femboys, transwomen, transmen, so much. Though I wish I was born a girl I'm sure there are people who enjoy playing around with their identiy to find out who they are

[Asche]

Maybe I'm an outlier, but I'm happy with being trans.

I've sometimes wondered if I'd have been happier if I'd been born a girl, and while I'll never have a real answer, I suspect I would not, at least not if I'd grown up in the same family.  My parents kind of doted on my little sister (the only girl in the family) and ignored me and my brothers, but I don't think the additional attention was good for her.  She's pretty emotionally distant from herself.  Being mostly ignored spared me the most toxic aspects of my "space alien" parents.

The other thing I've been spared is the toxic messages that girls get ground into them, especially in the time and place I grew up.  Granted, I suffered the toxic messages that boys get beaten into them, but they fit so badly into my nature that I was unable to internalize them.  I always thought of them as "that stupid stuff that society uses to make my life difficult" rather than anything I personally cared about.

I'm with Jazz Jennings, who says that when she was asked what she'd do if someone gave her a magic wand that would make her a cis girl (or a cis boy), she replied, "I'd break it."  Being trans has its down sides, mostly in the body area, but it also brings a freedom and a joy and an appreciation for simply getting to be who I am that I don't think I'd have ever had if I'd grown up cis.

There's no such thing as a life without regrets; I think I'd choose the ones I have over the ones I'd have had if I'd been cis.

[SiobhánF]

For me, peace is a lie. But, I find it more peaceful to live as myself, than not. So, though the road to full transition is long and difficult, it's worth it in my mind. I'm happy coming to the realization and embracing that I'm trans, rather than keeping it locked inside and never talking about it or being myself.

[Tristan]

Does anyone who is really transgender want to be?  The high rate of attempted and successful suicides in transgender people alone would argue the answer to this question is a resounding "NO."

There is an interesting book, "The Prophets" by Heschel where he makes a critical observation that all prophets initially reject their calling to serve as prophets, deeming themselves inadequate, unworthy, or simply ordinary people that want to continue ordinary lives.  After usually much trial and tribulation, they accept their charge and begin the awesome tasks ahead.  It seems to me that being transgender is something analogous to Heschel's predicament of the prophets.

It seems to me more open discussion of ->-bleeped-<- has spanned a group of the confused who are probably not truly transgender but just confused.  Many of these individuals seem to be excited to discover that they are or believe they are transgender.  Actually, they seem frankly elated to be transgender. 

Personally, I have a hard time finding any joy in being transgender.  I understand the joy of rising above and prevailing over this "birth defect" but cannot understand how one might find joy in having it.  It was comforting to get to the point where I had figured out the big picture, what was going on and could begin to understand the nature of this beast.  From that point onward, it has been hard work. 

I am thankful for having found Susan's Place and the wonderful people I've met here.  I marvel over the courage of very brave people who soldier on through the difficulties of transition and applaud their every success. Then there are the others like me who are still trying to find a path toward transition or another option that will allow life to be lived without so much pain.  Given the choice, wouldn't any of us chosen not to have to struggle with all of this in the first place?

I don't think it has created a group that is confused I think what has happened is quite different. People are actually becoming aware and realizing themselves quicker and some people are under non-binary or something else. It's opened a world of possibilities for people and I think that can be confusing in itself but it's not that it doesn't exist. I'm sure it has confused some people but if those people are just simply confused and not actually transgender it's only a matter of time before they bounce back to what they actually consider themselves so I'm not too concerned. People have always explored and discovered that's nothing new. I cannot speak for others but I can definitely speak for myself sometimes I do have a lot of Joy over discovering who I was I knew I was different and I always wanted to understand exactly why I was different. I don't know if I'm happy because I discovered myself or if I'm happy because I'm going through struggles but in a Twisted way I guess I would be happy because I'm going through struggles I wouldn't really have an interesting life if I never struggled and I would never learn anything new. I probably wouldn't consider it joy but I can make an exception out of considering it happy. I haven't technically transition yet but I'm getting there and yeah sure it's a big struggle and there are some problems along the way but at least in the end I have a tale to tell. I really don't want this life if I could have been born a boy I probably would have just been born a boy but even saying that feels wrong because that means I would be giving up everything I've experienced and I probably wouldn't be as kind as I became. So for me personally I don't think it's something that is bad I don't think it's painful in such a way that I would have chosen not to lead this life.  (I should make it clear i don't know if i new i was different but that was the only words i could find because in a way i did and didn't) I'd live this life again if it meant the people in my life iv'e met by chance could be educated and could be taught. Living this life, i don't live this life just for me and i never will maybe that is foolish but without this life i couldn't image how  some people would have never gotten the chance to learn how to accept others as who they are. And if just being born in this body with this struggle lets me help others learn and accept people then i'd do it over again in a heart beat, and for that i consider my pain worth it.

[DawnOday]

I am not sure if being transgender is a problem per se. I have accepted it and it makes sense when everything is laid out. While I am getting bigger breasts due to estrogen I already had man boobs for the last 20 years or so. I believe the biggest adjustment is realizing I've  been a schmuck all my life, because my mother may have been prescribed DES hormones while I was in utero. I do know that since I began the hormones the anger I had pent up is gone. The idea of not holding grudges, or revenge is liberating.  Hoping someone does not see me en femme. That roadblock has been cleared for the most part. Just the weight of the lies and omissions and no longer having to cover up either of them. For the first time in my life I feel complete like something has been withheld from me and I'm rediscovering it. It has come at a high price  with my love life, self esteem, work life, friendships.  I've know what I've wanted since I was around 7 but the times were not right. Luckily the "times they are a changin"  I can't believe how blessed I am that my dream is becoming a belated reality.  My one regret is what I did to Wendy to make her leave me. Luckily she rebounded and Is doing well. Very well.

[HappyMoni]

   I hated being trans and not knowing I was. The conflict and confusion was awful. Coming to terms with being trans has been very good. I like seeing my evolution from this person to that person. I like the compassion for the underdog that I have because I grew up different. Being trans made me a better person. It is nice when strangers see me as trans and come up to me and tell me their life secret. It is a beautiful thing that happens because I am trans.
   The body not being what I want isn't fun. Safety fear suck. The thing I keep in mind is my worst case scenario. To me the worst would be if I was suddenly turned into a normal happy male. Why? It's because I would cease to exist. It would not be me. Count me as happy to be trans. I also empathize with those who are struggling with unclear pathways. It is so painful.
Moni

[RobynD]

You know, i have never really seen it as negative. Just something that was given to me and needed to be dealt with and have preferred to see that as a positive opportunity. As a matter of fact, i see it as mostly positive and pretty special overall. I'm also the same person i have always been, I don't see the old me and the new me, just me.

I do understand the acceptance and social challenges we face but they are also opportunities to give to others by changing their minds and prejudices. That is a gift from us to them.

...and i absolutely adore being a girl. So thankful for it.

So yeah put me in joy column

[Kylo]

I feel no especial joy in it. If I were reveling in being "different" I am different for far more reasons than a brain-body mix up, I think. And in order to be "proud" of something I personally feel it would have to be some kind of achievement I completed by myself. Being trans isn't something I'm proud of, it just is. Is it harder being trans, and therefore living under harsher conditions is something to be proud of? Maybe. But I'm not really interested in delving too deeply into that as a reason to feel good. The more I do that and the more aware of the divide between myself and ordinary people I am, the more potentially envious and angry I could become.

I don't feel much at all regards being transsexual, really. It's part of my existence and my existence is all that I really know. I couldn't say if it was truly easier or harder than average existence, except to guess that the problems we face are extra ones that most people are blind to. 

The only thing that makes being trans a truly anti-joyful experience (in my opinion) is the attitude of the world at large to us. Everything else can be remedied these days. If every person out there had our understanding of the situation, it would certainly be less unpleasant. That said, there are still some grey areas a trans person will fall into that renders them in a unique and often painful position, which isn't really anybody's fault. Anyone with a cis partner struggling to reconcile who they really are with their sexual feelings knows what I'm talking about.

[Sno]

Joy, yes a little. Understanding that I am trans has made me realise that I am different, but ok, not broken and dysfunctional.

It's given me insight into my behaviour, and insight into why I push back so hard (too hard really), against drawing attention to me. I have enough difficulty passing in my man suit as it is, and some days are better than others.

Sno.

[popa910]

Just adding something I didn't see anyone else mention in a quick skim through the thread: Being a part of this community is a bit exciting for a couple of reasons.  First, it's (often) fun and interesting for me to be able to expand my horizons and not be limited by the body I was born in.  Second, being a white male in the USA's upper midwest region, sometimes it's nice to be a minority.  It gives me a bit more perspective of how other minorities experience the world, which I think is incredibly valuable.

[JoanneB]

There is no joy in being
There is great joy in Self-acceptance