Hi all,
I've been off the radar for a bit and surfacing now after a busy couple months. I finally figured out I was trans earlier this year after a lifetime of many, many clues. Acknowledging this was both a great relief and terrifying thinking about what this means for me.
Over the summer, I found a counselor and I am just about finished our set of sessions (free through a local charity). This has been very helpful, and recognising I'm in control here about my choices, and which ones. My situation is complicated due to health and work, so I need to be careful how I proceed.
Meanwhile, I've been doing lots of physio and exercise, working hard to lose weight this year and I'm down 15lbs and another 10-15lbs to go. I cut my hair back in July, which was a huge deal for me, and I'm really liking it now. A bit more grown out than what the barber did and much happier with the result. Doing a bit of DIY cuts, which I did before with my hair, since it grows fast and needs a trim every 2-3 weeks, at least in the front. And also dressing in male/gender neutral clothing, which feels great.
I know I want to legally change my name and start T, but it might be a bit before I can do these things. I'm looking for work right now, and since I'm not fully out yet, I'm applying with the old name (or a similar gender-neutral version)--mostly because I'm known in my profession by my old name, and I need the references with the old name. If I get a more senior job, I'm aiming to get through probation before legally changing stuff. If I get a more casual job outside my field, I have more options. Ultimately, I'm looking at a bit of a career change so we'lll see how this job thing all plays out.
My GP has been a bit of a nightmare. I haven't told her I'm trans, but with a couple comments she's made over the summer about my appearance after I cut my hair, I'm not comfortable staying as her patient. I'm GP shopping... but I'm also considering moving cities for the right job, so I'm holding tight.
Since everything is up in the air with work, my transition is waiting for that. And namely also so I can move from where I've been staying with family due to health issues last year, which have stablised and physio has really helped me. So, a reliable income and my own place need to be sorted before transitioning.
My family has done reasonably well about coming out to them in the spring, though I know it's a hard thing for them.
I figure I may have another six months or so before any T or name change, but I figure after living like this for nearly 40 years, what's another few months to get things on solid ground again?
Any thoughts on dealing with all this in the meantime?
