I feel sad...

[Undecided]

Hi, guys and girls... I needed someone to talk to and I couldn't find someone irl, I've decided to come here. I don't know how much more I can cope with this. I tried to come out to my brother and he tried to blame himself for how I feel, he said that I am this way, because when I was little, he used to take me with him everywhere. I know that's not the case, I know it's not a phase and this is how I've always felt... I am a man, trapped in the wrong body and I can't seem to find a way out of here or any kind of real support.. Due to some personal problems I don't know if I'll ever start T... I wanted to ask you, guys... Could this be why I am so irritated? I always fight with people, I feel insecure and unaccomplished...  I don't know what to do and how to stay sane anymore... Is it wrong to wish that somehow I'll wake up in the right body? Is it wrong to wish that somehow I'll wake up and this will all just be a dream? Is it wrong to worry about what the future has in store for me? I know I am extremely dramatic right now and I despise myself for it... In my culture that's a feminine trait... Am I feminine? Aren't there any sensitive males ? Cis males? My self esteem is nonexistent right now... If I've angered any of you, I apologize.

[Dena]

In the United States it's common for the father to pay special attention to his daughter and for the daughter to have a special attachment to her father. This is one of the ways that the girl develops her idea of what the perfect spouse would be. In no way does this make her masculine but instead helps her define her femininity. Had you been born CIS, this would be a role that your brother would play was well so there is no way your brother would have made you feel more masculine. As it is, your brother gave you companionship when it's likely you wouldn't have fit into the feminine social groups. Your brother has nothing to feel bad about and much he should be proud of as gave you support when it wasn't likely you would find it anywhere else.

As for your difficulty getting along with others, being transgender can do that. You are fighting with yourself, you may be depressed and possibly dysphoric. When you are unhappy on the inside, it shows on the out side. You may be able to control the conflict inside you but the only way to make it end will be through treatment.

You must be careful when defining gender because it's really what you feel inside. A woman can repair an airplane, build a house become an engineer and a man could be a nurse, house husband, cook or any of a number of feminine professions. Yes a man can be dramatic and sensitive and it is common and accepted in my culture.

You need to make your life look the way you want it to look. Yes you may be doing things that are not normal in your culture but many great people are great because they did what wasn't accepted in their culture.