Male fail... it's really happening..

[JessicaSondelli]

I'm wondering if this is only happening to me.... I still present male - ok, let's say I try - while around my family and kids. If I look into the mirror, I don't really see a woman but people around me suddenly do... I was at Starbucks with my 6-year son, waiting in front of the restrooms since the male restroom was occupied when a woman approached me asking if the ladies room was busy... then, a few minutes later in a shopping mall, I got ma'am twice within a few minutes... Is it just me who doesn't see it? Has this happened to you, too? I'm a bit over 6 months into HRT and did 4 laser sessions so my facial hair is pretty much gone and yes, I have boobs and my hair is quite long... but still... holy cow!!!

Jessica

[Dena]

For many it does happen. I suggest you do what I just did and read your introduction thread to see how much life has changed for you in about 10 months. It's a real trip down memory lane.

[Deborah]

It started happening to me at nine months even without any facial hair removal.  Now happens pretty consistently . . . Until I have to pull out my ID.  :-(

[JessicaSondelli]

For many it does happen. I suggest you do what I just did and read your introduction thread to see how much life has changed for you in about 10 months. It's a real trip down memory lane.

Hi Dena, I know. It's totally unreal.... I never ever thought I would get this far even though I'm still at the very beginning.

I sometimes fear that I will wake up one day and everything was just an awesome dream.


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[JessicaSondelli]

As if it wouldn't have been enough for one day, there is one more thing that just happened in a restaurant. We went out for dinner and my youngest son had to pee... Yes it's a bathroom story..

I took him into the men's room which was empty but not for long. A guy came in, saw me and with an ashamed facial expression went right out again, checked the sign on the door, looked at me again, shook his head and while I was assisting my little one disappeared into a stall as soon as he could without saying a word. When I got back to our table, iI didn't tell my wife as she is still not accepting any female clothes on me. She even complains when I roll my shorts up too short but my boobs which are so obvious under my T-shirt don't matter but a bra is an absolute no go...
It's starting to get ridiculous... When will she get it???


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[Dena]

When will she get it???

When she is in public with you, you are in male costume and somebody calls you ma'am.

[Michelle_P]

Hi, Jessica, sounds awfully familiar, especially the wife.

I'm working on inducing male fail right now.  I've been wearing my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans almost exclusively for a few months now, with the tags removed ("Why does it say 'Amanda' in your jeans?"), and a cotton tank on top to hold things down, covered by a loose, untucked polo shirt.  Now, I'm not wearing the tank, but I am wearing a tucked in thin polo shirt.  34B on top, and the headlights are on... 28" waist, 36" hips.

I don't think I look like a typical 60-something male except for the shiny head. Baseball cap over that... And this waterproof eyeliner and mascara is really hard to get completely off, y'know?

If that doesn't trigger a discussion I'll start ignoring the house rule about not presenting female around the family.   Oh, I don't look like Daddy any more?  Huh.  Must be a reason...

[JessicaSondelli]

When she is in public with you, you are in male costume and somebody calls you ma'am.

This already happened. She just walked away and ignored it as if it wouldn't have happened. I know that SO's go through that phase but I wonder how much longer this will last. It's really frustrating...


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[Brooke]

It started happening to me at nine months even without any facial hair removal.  Now happens pretty consistently . . . Until I have to pull out my ID.  :-(

I got that same thing tons before going full time. Now that I've had 90% of my facial hair removed, grown out hair, and my boobs are super visible I male fail every time.  A very welcome thing as I'm full time, but can't get over that sense of constantly outing myself whenever I have to show ID.

I noticed this happening more and more as I moved towards living as a woman more. I personally think it has at least as much to do with adopting mannerisms that become difficult to turn off as it does with looks.

I know with just my voice it's now in female mode by default. Had to call up social security awhile back, and they didn't believe I was the person I claimed to be.

[RobynD]

It happens a lot to many of us. When wearing outfits like jeans, a shirt and basically pretty unisex boots, and not putting on makeup i am still getting called ma'am most of the time. I have even tried a couple very androgynous presenting days and have had the same results.

I look on this as a big positive.

[Harley Quinn]

That sounds like fun... but I have found that if you put enough effort into my masculinity or femininity I won't have a question about my presenting gender.

I would have to assume that all of the adjustments you are going through would be half of what your significant other is expected to deal with. They'll deal the unlearning and re-education of how your dynamic will be through transition. I would just be patient, and continue to be yourself. Avoiding the pitfall of "flipping the switch" of extremes between male and female. The difference in how men and women do things is quite subtle and rarely plainly distinguishable. The subtle changes will generally speaking expedite the adjustment process for your Significant Other.

I wish you both the best!