I miss being Christian...

[Zoeyalexandria]

Hi I'm a 21 year old transgender women and an ex born-again. I started transitioning a little over a year and a half ago. And i just feel God is out of reach and I feel pretty hopeless. I've tried talking to different Christians about it and they all say the same thing, it's a sin for me to be myself. I've also tried going to lgbtq supportive churches and they just felt watered down (call me spoiled? Lol).

I want so bad to have that connection I had with God before and actually feel his presence. But I haven't had it for many many years. Prior to coming out as trans I came out as gay and lived as a gay man for a good 3 years. so I haven't FELT the presence of God since before I came out as gay, and that has continued after coming out as transgender...




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[DawnOday]

I am so sorry you can't find fellowship with supposed Christians. I call them Magic Christians because they try to interpret the Bible instead of reading it. Belief is a personal thing and when we don't have answers we seek refuge in our Lord's loving arms. Luckily we do not have to go to church to believe. God loves us wherever we are. He will listen. He may not answer immediately because I imagine he's pretty busy what with all the politicians consulting him. You are seeking the true believers, the ones that take the Commandments literally. Like "Love they Neighbor as thyself" "Do unto others" "He who casts the first stone" "Thou shalt not kill" "eye of the needle" etc. My Grandmother ruined church for me as she was one of the meanest, racist, individuals that shaped my life. To think she was a minister was the last straw. I hope you find the comfort of belonging in a group but don't sell your soul to fit in. You have made the decision to be true to yourself. Stand up for your decision by believing in God and don't let anyone take it away from you.

Much love.

[RobynD]

Sorry you are feeling that way. Thanks for sharing that struggle.

Your friends are wrong, you are no more sinning in being transgender than any person born with a condition that they can't change. As for feeling closer to God, that is a very personal thing and it is hard to make suggestions. There is no heart that longs for anything - Religion sometimes treats people like the heart and mind are two different things. They are not, our emotions, our intellect and indeed our spirituality comes from the same organ.

The reason mainstream and accepting churches might feel watered down to you is that they do not use the cult-like tactics of fundamentalists. That does not mean they are any further from God, ie. because that level of emotional agitation can't be maintained.

There are three things that always make me closer to God: Quiet time with God in prayer and meditation, worship with a like minded body of believers, and helping/serving others. That last one is a big one - i cannot feel near as close if when i am not out there helping people.

[Anne Blake]

Hello Zoey,

My heart really goes out to you. While you and I are close to half a century apart in ages, we do have a few things in common. I have also recognized my transgender nature and been transitioning for about a year and a half. I have a deep love of God and treasure closeness with him. And I also have been hurt by the words and actions of many believers. I will not banter a bunch of Biblical phrases as many are accustomed to do. In fact the only verse that comes to mind is from Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen". NIV. I found another translation today that puts it far simpler, "...Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them". I put this part out to those that are using God's scripture to put people down.

Now to the important part, and here I will not quote the phrases so commonly used but I will share a bit of our story. My wife and I were, as you put it, born again a little over thirty years ago. God then became and continues to be the main stay in our relationship as well as our individual identities. A year and a half ago, when Anne showed up, we were blown away by the neatness of realizing an entirely new part of me.....WOW, so neat!!!! I expect that this is another thing that you and I have in common. Well, at the same time, we took it to God. There are all kind of scriptures that scared us so we prayed for insight and wisdom. Our biggest repeating prayer has been for God to either shut the door on Anne or bless her. Our faith is rather simple. A basic version is that we believe that we are to spend our days doing what we believe God wants us to do. If we are on the wrong path, we fully trust that He has both the desire and capability of bringing this to our attention and redirecting us. Stated even simpler, He can and will either shut the door, clearly and definitively, or bless us. The short story is that for the past year and a half He has been pouring out bountiful blessings.

I hope and pray that you can find a similar peace in Him. We will be praying for you!

Anne

[FTMax]

I'm sorry that has been your experience. The way I've explained it to other Christians is that I don't believe God makes mistakes, and I don't believe He would have made it so easy for me to get to this point if it was against His will. That tends to give them some pause, and something to consider.

As far as churches - where generally are you located and what style of worship are you looking for? I've done a bit of church shopping over the last two years, and there are so many different experiences to be had. I live in a fairly progressive area and have passing privilege, so I haven't needed to limit myself to the churches that advertise that they are accepting. Maybe consider approaching it that way if it's safe for you to do so? Just show up one day and see if it's a place you like. Maybe take a friend.

If options are limited where you are, it's not 100% the same but you could try joining an online stream. That's what I did with a few churches that had them, just to see if the worship style was actually something I'd enjoy or not.

[Jin]

If you believe and accept Jesus, you are a Christian. No matter what style of clothes you wear. Ask Him to send you to the right friends.

[Amanda_Combs]

I'm so sorry Zoey.  There is legitimately no reason you should feel any distance from God.  Those judgmental people are not every Christian.  I am a Christian, and so are many other users on this site.  Remember that God is perfect and we are flawed.  Never let the opinions of flawed individuals who do not understand our plight deprive you of your faith, when it was never any of their business anyway.  And if they tell you that God doesn't make mistakes, i would say that i agree and that God made me the way I am; trying to deny who i am would be sin.

God bless you!  And if you ever need to talk, I'm here.


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[Deborah]

The truth is that the Christians who say we are mortally sinning are just being consistent with what Christianity was unanimous in saying from the beginning until less than 20 years ago.

If they truly represent the one God and speak with the authority of the Holy Spirit as they claim then we are all going to hell.

If, as I believe, they are wrong then what reason is there to listen to anything they say about God?  It's quite obvious, particularly since they lie about us all the time, that they simply make things up as they go and credit it all to God.  If they do it with this then they do it elsewhere too. 

You can still find and connect with God.  But the place to do that is not in a den of vipers.  Be thankful that you have fled their empty piety.


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[Zoeyalexandria]

The truth is that the Christians who say we are mortally sinning are just being consistent with what Christianity was unanimous in saying from the beginning until less than 20 years ago.

If they truly represent the one God and speak with the authority of the Holy Spirit as they claim then we are all going to hell.

If, as I believe, they are wrong then what reason is there to listen to anything they say about God?  It's quite obvious, particularly since they lie about us all the time, that they simply make things up as they go and credit it all to God.  If they do it with this then they do it elsewhere too. 

You can still find and connect with God.  But the place to do that is not in a den of vipers.  Be thankful that you have fled their empty piety.


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It's just that den of vipers used to be my home. And I miss my home....


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[Deborah]

It's just that den of vipers used to be my home. And I miss my home....


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I know.  I've been going through the same thing.  It hurts a lot but God is still there.  You can make the connection you seek without them. 


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[Miss Lux]

I was in a similar situation before ....I am Catholic and as you know the Catholic church can be really strict about many many issues.... I left the church for yearsssss because of bad experiences and judgement from Priests but I can always feel the "call"to come back.... Let me just share my correspondence with the magnificent catholic priest that changed my life........I'll xxxxx names for privacy reasons.

Dear xxxxxx., ( Miss Lux)

The most common phrase in the whole of the Bible is "Don't be afraid."  I think that is so for a good reason, that we are so often afraid to lay our lives open to another, and often enough to God.  I can well understand your being afraid having been told those various things by priests.  There is no sin involved at all in having a sexual reassignment procedure.  As for sexual relationships in the future, I think the main thing is to trust in God's goodness and mercy, and to keep a watch on your own heart to see that your actions and relationships are as loving as they can possibly be.

Regarding going to confession to someone.  What part of the world are you living in.  It's a long shot, but depending where you are I may be able to find someone who would be sensitive to your needs.  The main thing is to trust in God's goodness and perhaps start to attend Mass again if you can find a community and Church that seems right for you.   I have people coming to see me in a few minutes so this will be grief for the moment. Let me know if you'd like to, what part of the world you live in and I may be able to follow something up for you then - I can't promise of course, but there may a path that might open up for you that way.

All good wishes.,
Father xxxxxx


PS - XXXXXX - we are who we are, and you can be sure that God unsterstands the journey of your heart and the need you had to make the changes in your life that you have made. So I'd encourage you to let go of any sense of God being unhappy with you because of your change of sexual identity.  God knows us intimately and understands better than we do ourselves our needs and the cries of our hearts.  So please relax about all that.  Life is too short and too precious to be ruined by other people's mis-judgements!

If we are true to our own deepest self, then we are in harmony with God's dream for us.
Father XXXXXX
----- Original Message -----


Dear Father Xxxx,

    First of all thank you for emailing back and I pray for your fast recovery from the shoulder surgery and thank you for touching lives and letting us see more of the Christ of love,compassion and forgiveness.

    I have been searching for answers for sometime now on and off but have given up many times due to frustration or perhaps for not wanting to know the painful truth. But recently I have been having a fervent desire to go back to the Catholic church, to receive the sacraments again but I am scared!!!!

I stopped attending mass, receiving communion,going to church for almost 7 years now but I never abandoned my faith in Christ, I continued to pray every night and  say my novena to St. Therese and introduce St. Therese to my friends and on several occasions I received the unexpected rose/petals from St. Therese  I dunno if it's  just a mere coincidence (3X)  but it helped  me to never let go of my faith in God.

   Father, I am xx years old a registered nurse here in the USA and I had a  sex reassignment surgery several years ago, male to female. The thoughts of going to hell and having disobeyed(?) Christ constantly bugs me every time I pray. I have searched and researched and I get contradicting response from theologians,Internet to Pat Robinson to religious friends.

    I want to go back to the Catholic Church and receive the Holy Communion again but I am scared reallyyyy scared to go to confession, I was traumatized!!! Before I stopped going to church I went to confession and  after having confessed my sins the priest from St. John Bosco  told me that my sins will not be forgiven if I don't cut my hair,go to counseling etc... ,What more now!!!! When I hand out novena's to St. Therese to some people I know a few told me that im giving novenas out but I am disobeying God  nor fixing my life for being a transsexual etc...

    I know you've heard and read about it and it is truly hard to understand unless you are one, Father I am not rationalizing but since I was a toddler/pre-schooler I have always felt I am a girl.It is not about  the attraction to boys but it is my very being is a girl ever since. >From the time I learned to pray I would pray to God to make me a woman when I wake up, every birthday wish, every Christmas wish every wishing well wish but after reality hits me that it is not possible and some started telling me I am going to hell my wishes and prayers to God changed to just take me or don't make me wake up anymore. I contemplated suicide many times but the fears of hell scared me.

    Father, I get conflicting answers is it a sin to have had a sex change surgery? Is it a mortal sin? How about the hermaphrodites/intersexed will they sin if they undergo corrective surgery?  I wanna go to confession  but scaaaaaaaaaared what if the priest refuse to give me absolution like before if unless I  become male again, then I will die with my sins, I won't be able to receive the holy communion forever? If I receive absolution I assume it is forgiven and im no longer living with that sin if it is a sin, so if I fall into temptation how will I confess it - I engaged in pre-marital sex or homosexual acts? I can't get married either in the eyes of God too, so every relationship with a man would be a sin too? Can I just confess directly to God or the sacrament of confession is a must in order to receive  the holy communion? Father is it possible to confess via phone just to get over this hump? I work every other weekend 12 hrs shift as a nurse, can I attend Friday night mass for those Sundays?

    Father enlighten me, help me ,I am lost and hurting.


Sincerely,
Xxxx










   


   

[Tristan]

Okay i'm going to be completely honest with you i'm a Atheist and what i'm about to say may not go over good
but if you believe in a deity i'm not going to tell you don't believe but i can tell you if there happens to be a god i wouldn't consider that god to be all knowing so the fact people are telling you he wouldn't agree isn't their business
there not you god are they? Find your faith within you find what you believe and are happy with because if there is a god i sure as heck hope he would be understanding that you're just living your life as who you need to be. Don't let churches push you down although i will not lie to make anyone feel better. There are not a lot of churches who are LGBT friendly that will water down what the bible actually says because the bible itself is very dark so if you want honesty from people and a good church well that's a though mix to find. That's all i can say on religion.

But for me personally i found comfort in science the universe
I found more fear and hate inside of religion and churches where the truth was supposed to be then i did
reading a book about how the star dust basically became humans to but it brief.

[RobynD]

Good advice Tristan.

I will say though that there are many churches that are not fundamentalist or believe that scripture is to be taken literally. The Church of England is a good example. LGTB are welcomed and most vicars viewpoints on scripture support this.

[FTMDiaries]

I'm with Tristan on this. I don't miss religion at all - in fact, I'm hugely relieved to be rid of it & much happier without it.

My parents tried to raise me as a Christian and I attended Sunday school, church, the whole kit & caboodle. I come from a long line of staunch Methodists and my family has always been very active in the church. Initially I found religion very comforting: the idea that there was this awesome being out there who loves me & watches over me, protecting me from harm. Who wouldn't like that? Life is unpredictable & scary, so knowing there's a grand plan and having that extra safety net can be very reassuring.

But as I grew older and started examining the evidence I came to realise that my teachers & church leaders hadn't been entirely honest with me. Not out of malice, of course - but out of their own need to believe what they dearly wanted to believe.

There is a great deal of beauty and comfort to be found in accepting the wonders of the world we live in - and the majesty of the universe itself - as they truly are, based on the facts and evidence that are being revealed to us through science. And you don't need religion of any kind to be a good person. If there's no such thing as sin, none of us are sinners: we're just ordinary people whose actions can have positive or negative effects on those around us, so it makes sense to try to have a positive effect wherever possible. I don't have the time for anyone or anything that tells me there's something wrong with being trans, or gay. So instead of being ashamed of having been born in 'sin', I'm free to celebrate & honour my own uniqueness & my positive contributions to the world.

You might find a church or religion that suits your needs, but please bear in mind that you always have the option of leaving religion behind if it no longer feels appropriate.

[Zoeyalexandria]

Thanks so much everyone!


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[Vervain]

Aw, hon. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. *hugs offered*

I was raised Christian, but outside the church. My parents both had very negative experiences with churches through their lives. I was raised to believe that personal relationship/communion with Christ and/or God was more important than the Bible, which was written by man, and that it was almost insulting to God to suggest that you had to go through a priest or minister.

The Christ I know would not turn away from anyone who is trans. If you read through the Gospels, Christ is overwhelmingly accepting of people that even his own disciples would have turned away, like women who were prostitutes. I can't see someone who outright stated, time and time again, not to judge others, that everyone is worthy of love, and who was always accepting, hating trans people. That just goes against everything I know of Christ both in my personal relationship with him and from my reading of the Gospels.

If you miss being a Christian, you don't need the permission of a church to re-establish your relationship with Christ. If you do desire a church, I might suggest considering the Unitarian Universalist church, especially one that is designated as "Welcoming" (LGBT+ friendly). They are an interfaith church, but they started as Christian, and there is still a lot based on that. My fiancee, who is trans, has found the UU to be her spiritual home for many years now, and it may be worth considering. There are other liberal Christian churches, too, although I'm not as familiar with denominations offhand.

*hugs and cookies offered*