Advice Needed

[theophobia]

Hey! So, my name is Aidan. I wasn't fortunate enough to where I felt comfortable to come out at an early age, so when my body formed into something I didn't understand- I was left in quite the pickle. Of course, I didn't know what being transgender was then anyhow, I kind of thought everyone experienced what I was going through. I was called a tom boy and I decided to dismiss it all until high school.

High school is awful, let's be real. Everything is so broken down into groups. My body being feminine was now at it's peak and prom was coming. I couldn't imagine going dress shopping again. I dreaded it. It made me sick.
So my second year of high school, I came out to one person. And that went on and on, and most of my friends then knew. I lost some people, and the left of what remains still call me a she and give no cares to my new name. But I can deal with that.

Here's the problem. Soon after, mainly in my junior year, I started coming out to people in my family. Not my father or mother, for two reasons. 1.) My mother passed away at age thirteen. 2.) My dad is insane, and I'm not ready to be homeless. One of my younger cousins told her mother at the end of junior year, and here she goes brainwashing the rest of my family about why I'm transgender. She says it like it's a dirty word.

She believes- wait for it- That I'm trans because my mom passed. Yes, that's actually a thing that's happening. I pointed out that my sister didn't up and come out as a male. So how does that make any sense? She says that I was dealing with changes, so I decided to change. Like a girl getting her hair cut when things get crazy. She actually said that, her words. Not mine.

She's passing this around like gravy at Thanksgiving, people. Now my supportive sister is saying that maybe I'm confused and that I'll regret transitioning. Due to that woman saying things. sdfhskjdhj what

I just need some advice, it's stressing me out. As much as I'm joking about it, I cried my eyes out last night because it's becoming a family war. I don't even feel comfortable around them anymore. Help me!

[KathyLauren]

Sorry to hear that your family is unsupportive.  In particular, if must be horrible to have a relative actively sabotaging you like that. 

Being transgender is not something that you do in reaction to life events.  It is something you are born with.  You are who you are.

Is there a counsellor at your school that you can talk to?  Without the support of your family, it might be hard to get to see a real gender therapist while you are a minor.  But talking to someone who understands will help.

[Denise]

Aidan,   I'm sorry you are in this position.  It is unfortunate that you have someone who is sabotaging you.  I can tell what has helped me and that is learning what causes the discomfort.  I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria, as most (all?) of the people here.  It is not a choice.  I suggest that you learn as much as you can about G.D. and arm yourself with knowledge. 

When people ask "what can I do?" my response is, "learn about Gender Dysphoria, become an advocate.  When you hear negative trans* speak, don't let it go, educate them."

Education is our best weapon.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Unfortunately people will believe what they want to believe even if it's wrong and often it's not worth the trouble trying to change their mind. If you need to change there minds, there are two points you need to make. The first is this is not something new you. You may not have said anything about it but it has been something you have felt for many years. The second point is it's a diagnosed medical condition and if it troubles you, you require medical treatment if you are to have a life worth living. If you look at our WIKI you will see the medically recognized categories that you may fit into.

Most important, if you decide not to argue. Just remember that they don't understand but maybe some day they will.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

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[AnxietyDisord3r]

Aidan, I am sorry to hear about your sister's comments. My sister said some cruel things to me when I came out that she didn't realize were cruel and they hurt me for a long time. You could try talking to her and explain how important your relationship is to you and that it hurts a lot when she suggests that you don't know your own mind. If you've never talked to her about dysphoria you might want to bring that up because most cis people know that some people are trans but they don't know anything about dysphoria. They imagine what trans is like and sometimes get the impression it's like a feeling like wanting to be an astronaut that you can shut on or off. They have no idea that we suffer every day because our bodies are disorienting.

In the meantime, keep those channels open with your friends and keep tabs on your supportive family members (not this aunt who apparently is controlling and has issues). Make a plan for what you are going to do when you hit age of majority. How are you going to support yourself, how are you going to go to school, what are your career plans, etc. I don't know if you are in the States but many US states have scholarships for state schools so that you can complete a four year degree with minimal student loan outlay (and be independent from your parents). Also, certain degree programs have arrangements--for example, there is the engineering co-op, where you work and go to school at the same time so your schooling is paid for and you become an engineer at the end. You can also go to trade school. Electricians make good money but there will be math. Contact local trade unions for information on apprenticeships.

You know you won't have family support so lay the groundwork now for the rest of your life. You emotionally still need your family so make a plan so you are financially and physically independent so they can't blackmail you over your living arrangements or schooling.

Don't give up hope--you're already in high school--your options will be much better very soon.