Hi from London

[Christine_Hart]

Hi everyone,

I'm Christine and I live in London, England. I've been dressing off and on for quite a few years now although it's only relatively recently that I've started to feel more of an urge to do so regularly. Before I could dress and then after I'd removed all my makeup and stored my clothes away I didn't have any great need to do so again for a while. However, when a chance to spend most of a week dressed came up not long ago I started to experience different feelings about the whole thing. Maybe several days in a row just made me get the bug.
I'm now feeling like I want to dress more often, I'm starting to think a lot more about clothes, makeup etc and starting to wonder whether it's something I want to do full time or not. When I'm dressed I generally feel more relaxed. It's like some of the weight of the world has come off my shoulders.
A lot of close friends have always been women, I like the way they talk and seem to have deeper friendships and conversations than men. That might be a bit of a generalisation but I've sometimes found myself feeling disconnected from some of the 'superficial' conversations that men seem to have about sport, how much they drank at the weekend etc. It just seems that women are quite often a lot deeper, not afraid to speak about emotions, relationships etc.
I've been out and about a few times to TV clubs and also driven and walked around a night a bit. So far I haven't plucked up the courage to do what I would ultimately like to, which is go out in the day and just do ordinary things like go to the shops, restaurants etc. I can be quite self-conscious and would like to feel more confident about my passing ability before doing that. One thing I'd definitely like to do is work on my voice a bit so I can at least do something approaching a female one so that I don't give myself away as soon as I open my mouth.

Lots of love,

Christine 

[LizK]

Hi Christine

Welcome to Susan's

Sounds like you are in the middle of exploring your gender and where you feel you fit on the gender spectrum. Here at Susan's you will most likely find many Kindred spirits. Whether or not you end up in Transition or find a place that you are comfortable with is entirely up to you but remember we are here to help if we can. Things like clothing, make-up,voice,posture,mannerisms can all be learnt and practised.

I was talking to my therapist the other day, about how, when I now look back on my life, from a new perspective, many of the things I did during my life don't seem to be as weird as I once thought. As my therapist said..."well of course that makes' sense now because you have always been a woman" Accepting all of this can be a little more difficult and take a bit more time. I can remember being "out with the boys" and just not "getting" what the were on about, I used to feel extremely uncomfortable about their awful behaviour towards women...it used to almost feel personal...but of course that is ridiculous...right? When I look at it now, of course I was uncomfortable because they were talking about me!!!

I hope you enjoy your experience here at Susan's

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https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html

Liz

[Christine_Hart]

I can remember being "out with the boys" and just not "getting" what the were on about, I used to feel extremely uncomfortable about their awful behaviour towards women...it used to almost feel personal...but of course that is ridiculous...right? When I look at it now, of course I was uncomfortable because they were talking about me!!!

Sometimes I try and put my finger on what it is with me. I get on well with women but do I have a strong sense of feminine self, whatever that may be? It doesn't feel like it to me. However, I know that I quite often don't have any interest in a lot of male conversations. Am I in some kind of halfway house place between two worlds or am I just socially awkward in male company? I honestly don't know.

[V M]

Hi Christine 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M