Scared of Coming out at work

[lil_red]

So here's the deal. I work as a print technician at a manufacturing facility that decorates perfume bottle.  I've only been there for about 2 months and I really, really like this job.  I would be devastated if I lost it, honestly.

So I've been on t for almost 3 months. In my normal everyday clothing I don't really pass, maybe 10% of the time, but in my technician uniform for work I pass really well.  Since I'm not out at work I use the women's restroom but I've noticed lately that I startle people in the restroon if they are from a different department and don't know me which makes going to the bathroom really uncomfortable....for everyone.  So uncomfortable that I've purposely stopped drinking so much at work just to try to avoid the bathroom  (I know this is very unhealthy).

I feel like I need to talk to at least the HR person about this so I can get permission to use the single occupancy bathroom in the office (they are really strict about the office area) but I'm terrified of losing my job....it's been a while since I've had a job that I truly liked.

Any tips or suggestions would be helpful.  By the way, I work in a small town in Georgia, USA where the only thing people know about transgender is what they see on TV.

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[haeden]

Where in Georgia?! I live in Georgia! I don't have any answers for you though because I just plan on doing the transition without saying anything until someone ask lol
Just play it out until someone is like "um.. Heather you're looking more and more like a dude lately what's going on?"

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[lil_red]

Where in Georgia?! I live in Georgia! I don't have any answers for you though because I just plan on doing the transition without saying anything until someone ask lol
Just play it out until someone is like "um.. Heather you're looking more and more like a dude lately what's going on?"

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Washington county, 1 hour south east of macon, 1 1/2 hours north west of Augusta. 

You're plan was also my plan until I started startling women in the restroom.   Other than that, coming out isn't a huge deal to me at the moment.

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[haeden]

Oh I'm closer to Atlanta
I startle woman now and all I do is bind lol

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[SiobhánF]

I'm also a bit scared to come out at work because I don't know how they'd react. I think I should come out in this order:

• Family
• Coworkers
• Commander
• Facebook

I'm kind of interested to see who remains my friend or who even still wants to talk to me. I'll put it out there to everybody that I have an open door policy and that they can ask about it if they're curious and I'll do my best not to get too emotional.

Good luck to those who are still not completely out. I feel your apprehension. Wish I could hold your hand while you go through it.

[lil_red]

Oh I'm closer to Atlanta
I startle woman now and all I do is bind lol

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Lol. I'm blessed with a smallish chest so if I wear the right shirts I don't have to bind.  I'm also 31 though so my changes are happening super slow it seams [emoji35]

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[lil_red]

I'm also a bit scared to come out at work because I don't know how they'd react. I think I should come out in this order:

• Family
• Coworkers
• Commander
• Facebook

I'm kind of interested to see who remains my friend or who even still wants to talk to me. I'll put it out there to everybody that I have an open door policy and that they can ask about it if they're curious and I'll do my best not to get too emotional.

Good luck to those who are still not completely out. I feel your apprehension. Wish I could hold your hand while you go through it.

I think that's a good order to come out in. So far I'm only out to my immediate family (husband, kids, mom, sister) my dad's  side of the family is going to flip out but I'm not close to them so whatever.

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[lil_red]

Where in Georgia?! I live in Georgia! I don't have any answers for you though because I just plan on doing the transition without saying anything until someone ask lol
Just play it out until someone is like "um.. Heather you're looking more and more like a dude lately what's going on?"

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ok, I said that wrong. I'm northeast of macon and southwest of augusta...no sense of direction.

Glad you're not close the coast. 

Washington county, 1 hour south east of macon, 1 1/2 hours north west of Augusta. 

You're plan was also my plan until I started startling women in the restroom.   Other than that, coming out isn't a huge deal to me at the moment.

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[haeden]

Yeah this hurricane is crazy. I hope it doesn't ruin pride my brother and his boyfriend wait for this all year lol
I only know land marks so I honestly didn't understand what you meant when you first said. I just heard of those places lol

I don't know how far I want to go and I'm not bothered by pronouns so I don't really see a need to come out granted I never really came out as gay either so I think I just have a habit of letting things just exist.


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[lil_red]

Yeah this hurricane is crazy. I hope it doesn't ruin pride my brother and his boyfriend wait for this all year lol
I only know land marks so I honestly didn't understand what you meant when you first said. I just heard of those places lol

I don't know how far I want to go and I'm not bothered by pronouns so I don't really see a need to come out granted I never really came out as gay either so I think I just have a habit of letting things just exist.


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I'm pretty much the same. Pronouns don't bother me a lot but for some reason I feel really bad when I startle  women in the bathroom now that I start to pass.  I'm Bi/Pan but I've been with the same man for over 10 years so explaining my sexuality isn't something I've ever had to do.



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[haeden]

I'm pretty much the same. Pronouns don't bother me a lot but for some reason I feel really bad when I startle  women in the bathroom now that I start to pass.  I'm Bi/Pan but I've been with the same man for over 10 years so explaining my sexuality isn't something I've ever had to do.



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Yeah the times I do startle them I feel kinda bad but I also find it extremely funny afterwards. The only time I didn't feel bad is the time I'm pretty sure someone followed me into the bathroom. I had headphones in and they cancel out noise but I could feel her behind me and it felt like she was trying to get my attention but I had to pee! Once I got into the stall she got in the one next to me and then left as soon as I started peeing. It was a handicap stall she went into and she never even walked towards the toilet I think she just checked to see which way my feet were pointing lol

I don't really explain either I only talk about it if it's necessary or if someone ask. I still confuse my friends because I talk sexually about guys far more than I do woman lol

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[lil_red]

Yeah the times I do startle them I feel kinda bad but I also find it extremely funny afterwards. The only time I didn't feel bad is the time I'm pretty sure someone followed me into the bathroom. I had headphones in and they cancel out noise but I could feel her behind me and it felt like she was trying to get my attention but I had to pee! Once I got into the stall she got in the one next to me and then left as soon as I started peeing. It was a handicap stall she went into and she never even walked towards the toilet I think she just checked to see which way my feet were pointing lol

I don't really explain either I only talk about it if it's necessary or if someone ask. I still confuse my friends because I talk sexually about guys far more than I do woman lol

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Lol, I can totally imagine someone peaking under the stall looking at which way feet point.


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[haeden]

Lol, I can totally imagine someone peaking under the stall looking at which way feet point.


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Lolol I was thinking like girl seriously? I'm just trying to pee! It's not that serious!

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[lil_red]

Lolol I was thinking like girl seriously? I'm just trying to pee! It's not that serious!

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Kind of reminds me of when I was a kid in first or second grade. I had learned how to pee standing up and I did it at school but another kid came in and saw my feet facing "the wrong way" and she actually told a teacher on me.

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[haeden]

Kind of reminds me of when I was a kid in first or second grade. I had learned how to pee standing up and I did it at school but another kid came in and saw my feet facing "the wrong way" and she actually told a teacher on me.

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Lol I had a grown man scold me for using the men's room when I was like 7 but the girls room was occupied and I couldn't hold it any longer. I already had a very bad habit of holding my pee until the very last minute so when I had to go I really had to go

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[sigsi]

but in my technician uniform for work I pass really well.  Since I'm not out at work I use the women's restroom but I've noticed lately that I startle people in the restroon if they are from a different department and don't know me which makes going to the bathroom really uncomfortable....for everyone.  So uncomfortable that I've purposely stopped drinking so much at work just to try to avoid the bathroom

I used to have the same problem at my old job (the uniforms had ties). Like you, I avoided drinks. I realized there was a male bathroom down a hall that the customers didn't seem to find often, so I ended up using that. I was almost caught once and said I was checking the soaps/toilet paper (it was part of my job after serving guests). A few of my female co-workers actually ended up doing that as well just to avoid the crowds. I was lucky in that situation though (I live in a conservative religious farm area in PA).

As for suggestions for the HR person, if you feel that you can talk to them and your company has a good reputation/policies, then take a shot and see what happens. If you really fear for your job where you are at, then either use the female bathroom when there aren't many customers or potentially try out a guy's bathroom and see how it goes (preferably not where it's crowded). Especially since you say you can pass pretty well, it probably should go okay for the few minutes you are in there. Keep in mind that male bathrooms typically have a lot less people in them than female bathrooms do. Good luck.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

In a way you benefit by being there a short time because your coworkers don't have built up preconceived notions about you. I've been at my job over ten years. I only use single person restrooms at work because I don't want to get scolded in the men's or women's room. I'm concerned about new people at work being uncomfortable about me in the women's room and old people being uncomfortable with me in the men's room. And I especially don't want questions about my plumbing.