I've never done this before...

[Chrissy1998]

Hey everyone, my name is Christian, but you can just call me Chrissy. I'm a MTF crossdresser, but only because I can't afford sex reassignment surgery. I have always been feminine, but didn't realize that I was supposed to be a female until a friend of mine had me go to prom with her as her "cousin, Chrissy." I didn't think I would like it, but at the end of the night, I wanted to stay dressed up. It just felt so right to be a woman. So when I was home alone, I would wear dresses and heels around the house. One day my parents caught me and called me a ->-bleeped-<-got. That was when the beatings started. They were so ashamed of me that they would beat me just about every day. I'm in college now, but it's a religious college so I can't be Chrissy on campus. I'm broke, so I can't go buy clothes, and I'm so terrified of going and getting a beating every weekend. I've honestly been debating suicide since I can't be who I was meant to be. I don't have any friends who are like me, so I'm hoping that this will be a way to make friends.

[Sno]

Hi Chrissy,

Now I'm sure someone will be along soon with the official welcome pack of links, but feel free to be yourself here! Lots of folk talk in the chat room, or can be seen on the boards, have a look around.

We also keep an up to date set of resources to contact and talk to when times are bad, and we feel we can't go on. 

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112545.0.html

We are here to listen, Chrissy, and we do understand.

Sno.

[V M]

Hi Chrissy 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules that we offer to all new members to help them along

Please be sure to review:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

[Jacqueline]

Hi Chrissy,

Welcome to the site.

Many Christian schools still have therapists standing by to help students. Is it possible you could talk to someone in a mental health part of the student health organization? If they don't have that, will the school support you talking to a private therapist and pay?  There are some therapists who work pro bono. Where are you going to school?

I think many of us have down the dark path you are talking about. I think the best way off that is to seek a therapist. If they are a gender therapist, even better...

I hope you can find the help you need here. We do care and listen.

With warmth,

Joanna

[gennee]

Hi Chrissy and welcome to Susan's. I graduated from a Christian college but couldn't come out at the school. Perhaps there are therapists on your campus. You're not alone. I discovered that there were other LGBT students on campus. 

[EmilyAlyssa]

Hi Chrissy. Like you, my parents caught me dressing - in my case when I was 13. My father beat me regularly and referred to me as ->-bleeped-<-got and p___y until I was old enough to strike out on my own. I also dealt with suicidal ideation as a result. Now, my school days are far behind me (I am 43) and I am not a therapist in any way, shape, or form, but if you are looking for a friend or just want to talk about it, feel free to message me. Either way, hang in there and I hope to see you around.