I had a nice conversation with my youngest, 25 year old daughter today. Facetime... with me as myself.
Now, she hasn't want to see me as myself since I came out to her. At the same time, she misses me. We have been texting back and forth, but yesterday I got kicked with the "lifestyle choice" charge. Mom's handiwork, I suspect. She wanted me to cross-dress male and pay her a visit, but I'm full time now, don't have that stuff (although I could fake it from my wardrobe, I think), and am not inclined to do that to please someone else, even my daughter.
That's when I got kicked with the lifestyle choice/it's not really medical stuff. That ended conversation yesterday.
Today she texted again, saying she wants to see me but isn't ready to see ME. I tried to explain how all of this, the dressing, voice work and such, are part of the treatment package, much as breast cancer treatment isn't just the mastectomy, but the rehab, prosthetics, and reconstruction, all needed to help the patient be fully functional.
My medicines and therapy are a good short term fix, I explained, but in the longer term one of the medicines will take out my kidneys or liver, so something else would need to be done. I explained that a minimal medical long term fix would involve removing the testicles, and maintaining estrogen dosage, resulting in my being a bald eunuch with boobs. Not a pretty picture that I painted. I'd be giving up on ever fulfilling that desire in my mind and crying out from my deep brain structure to have a feminine appearance, and that is something my therapist and I both agree would be giving up hope, and dropping me into a deep depression. Also not pretty.
She was quiet for a while, then texted me about possibly seeing me via Facetime, not in person, to sort of get used to the idea. Brilliant kid! I suggested that I could do that easily, and leave the hair in the other room even, or perhaps just show it to her off of me. ( Smaller steps for easier desensitization...)
So, we had a nice Facetime chat. I showed her the little apartment, and just sat there and yanked with her. When I showed her the apartment I gave her a peek in the bedroom, with stuff like my mirror, scarves, purse and wigs all out. We chatted, then mentioned some wardrobe things, and I complemented her on her hair. Hey, want to see my hair?
I showed her the wigs. She asked which was my favorite, and why. She was surprised that they were fairly short, what she called 'skater hair'. I offered to show her how they fit, so she watched while I popped on a wig cap and my current favorite, the ginger blonde in the current avatar. We just kept talking while I sat there with the wig on.
She asked if I had makeup. Over to the vanity, popped it open, showed her the collection. She went to her room and started showing me all her favorites. Long discussion of eyeliner pencils vid smudge sticks...
It was maybe 15 minutes into this that she started running down a bit, much to process in mind, and I eased her down. I was surprised that she had done so well at all this exposure; Daddy's wigs, makeup, styling suggestions, clothing sizes and favorite places to shop, and so forth.
She handled it pretty well.
I mentioned a movie that had just come out starring her current crush, Benedict Cumberbatch, and one of her favorite pizza places that had a new outpost two blocks away. Maybe you'd like to drop by and we could catch the movie and a bite? So, she'll think about it.
I don't think it could have gone any better. Daddy Michelle is happy.