An update on me...

[josie76]

Michelle that is so great for you!
I hope you do get a friendly judge! I think your success has renewed my hope.

[Michelle_P]

Thanks!

This was one crazy day.  I had group therapy last night and an individual session today.  I got the letters just before the session.  As in, I was in the psych department waiting room when the medical secretary office downstairs called to tell me to pick up the letters!

The group session was interesting.  Another member was talking about wanting to move to her own place, without annoying roommates, and the therapist asked me how I felt moving into my own place after 40 years of marriage and 6 years in the military.  Been a long time since I was on my own...

This turned into a discussion on the loss of constraints, imposed by others or by ourselves to meet others expectations.  We even talked about changes in activities we enjoy, hobbies, and such.  I think we concluded that dropping the male persona and the need to have 'appropriate' activities for being a male is what really removes constraints from ourselves, and allows us to explore new areas of interest.

The whole experience was really liberating.  I can, and am actively rebuilding myself as part of transition. 

I revisited some of this in my private session today.  At some point I joked about turtlenecks being in style again, so I was stocking up.  Why?  Because of that damn lump on my trachea, that's what.  "So, would you like to get a tracheal shave?"  Well, sure, but I've only been on HRT for 5 months and real life less than a month.  "Oh, there's no restriction for tracheal shaves."  ?!?? 

Um.  OK... And electrolysis coverage?  OK...

So, letters, and referrals for electrolysis and tracheal shave!  Damn!  For such a slow process things seem to be happening so fast right now.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

So, forms are printing right now, and I'll be at the courthouse bright and early to get things rolling.

It's like the Blue Fairy just dropped by, and made me a real girl! 

[Rachel]

Congratulations, I am happy for you. New found freedom and self discovery is a beautiful thing

[Dena]

I revisited some of this in my private session today.  At some point I joked about turtlenecks being in style again, so I was stocking up.  Why?  Because of that damn lump on my trachea, that's what.  "So, would you like to get a tracheal shave?"  Well, sure, but I've only been on HRT for 5 months and real life less than a month.  "Oh, there's no restriction for tracheal shaves."  ?!?? 

Yes, I had my nose and neck worked on at the same time and all I needed to do was ask my endo for the name of a good surgeon. He provided the name of a doctor in Beverly  Hills who I think is still practicing but may be near retirement by now. I only needed a letter to start HRT and for bottom surgery.

[LizK]

Lucky for me no need for the shave but due to having a nose like a snuffalupagus they are they gonna have some fun rebuilding my nose in January...should be a HOOT...ha ha sorry couldn't help it Michelle

Liz

[Michelle_P]

 Very punny, Liz.  Very punny... 

I got my papers all filed Friday morning.  It took longer than I thought, though.  It turns out thatI needed to get the name change paperwork that announces the hearing and orders folks to show cause why the name should not be changed had to be 'signed' by the judge.  That is, the clerk stamps the form and initials it.  In California a name change to conform better with gender doesn't need published notice (legal change as of July 1, 2014), so the form just gets buried in the court records.  It just meant that I needed to get in the queue for another department for a couple hours to get the form stamped, then get in the queue to file the paperwork and pay the filing fee.  Lots of queuing.  The English would love it...

Friday afternoon and evening I spent with my mother-in-law, helping her out on various tasks and keeping her company.  She's a pretty neat person.

Saturday was a rainy day, with me in the apartment (and posting too much here) aside from a mad pre-rain dash to the grocery store to deal with my empty little pantry.

Sunday was just amazing.  I attended the late service at the Unitarian Universalist church near me.  The presentation covered what it meant to be religious, and having a spiritual life, things I have thought about for a long time.  Pretty engaging for me.  They also talked about marginalized folks, and in particular the trans community, and tied that into the Transgender Day of Remembrance.  They asked the members there to come to the TDoR event in a nearby park that evening to show support, which I thought was pretty nice.

Later in the day there was a discussion group I got involved with on the subject of the "Safety Pin" campaign, people declaring themselves to be "Safe Places" and actively protecting the marginalized among us.  (Disclosure:  I am one of those safety pin wearing folks.)

Later that evening we had the Transgender Day of Rememberance ceremony I posted about elsewhere here.  It was a very moving event, about 60-70 people attending, including folks from the Rainbow Community Center, the UU, and several members of the Diablo Valley Girls social support group (I'm a member of that, too).  Afterwards four of us DVG gals had dinner together, along with a therapist-in-training, another really neat person.  (She's going to make a great therapist...)

Today, I had my usual Monday two hours in the chair.  I discussed moving to a couple of two hour sessions, perhaps morning and afternoon on my Hairy Day.  My upper lip is finally looking sparse in the hair department!  I did my usual walking exercise this afternoon, and in a couple minutes I'm headed to dinner and a social meetup with the DVG folks.

So, that's my recent slice of life.   It's not all shoe shopping and makeup.   But, I HAVE a life, I have friends, and I have things I enjoy doing.  Life goes on.  Happily...

Transitionally Yours
Michelle 

[Michelle_P]

I just got back from a Thanksgiving dinner, a potluck with a hundred or so folks at the local Unitarian Universalist church.  It was a very nice experience, lots of good food and pleasant conversation.

I picked up on something interesting while there, which bugged me slightly at the time, but won't really be an issue for me.  After both Sunday services, and at the dinner tonight, I found myself talking with folks who had a relative that was transgender.  I thought it was a little unusual that a random set of folks talking with me would all have trans grandkids (!), children, or siblings.  We just aren't THAT common.  Now, I'm out, and open about it, but were all these folks clocking me and deciding to have THAT conversation with me?  I hate to think I'm that obvious.

I found out what was up.  I initially met the minister the Sunday after the election, after a sermon that was very well done and incredibly relevant.  I had thanked her for the great message and told her it meant a lot to me as a transgender person.  Oh, and the assisting minister is a transman and certainly clocked me.  Again, no big deal.

It turns out that the minister thought I had some interesting things to say in our conversation, and was sending over members of the congregation that she knew had trans relatives to chat with me.  She's not outing me, just telling them that they should go say hello to Michelle.  They're all nice, accepting folks, but weren't sure what it meant for someone to be transgender, and had questions.  No, nothing prying or intrusive!  Mostly simple stuff about things like how to know their pronouns, how folks pick their new names, and such.  I think they feel better getting some basic information and contact with a transgender person. 

For a moment I wondered if I was going to be the token transperson, but I remembered the assistant minister and another transwoman, pre-everything, in the congregation.  The minister is just trying to connect people with something in common that can help each other somehow.  I don't mind that at all.

I chatted with the grandmother of a young transman tonight, for example, and she had a great little story about his coming out.  At age 10 he had called her from his home thousands of miles away to come out, and broke the news to her.  She simply said "I still love you.  This doesn't change anything."  "I know, Grandma!  Thanks."   I thought it was cute.  The lad is on blockers for now to keep from growing down the wrong track.

Interesting group of people there.   

Tomorrow I've got a Thanksgiving celebration of sorts, at my mother-in-law's house.  My sister-in-law will be there, along with my 32 year old son.  It's combined with a birthday party.  Then, my son me will be staying overnight at my apartment before flying home this weekend. So, more company.

[Lily Rose]

She simply said "I still love you.  This doesn't change anything."  "I know, Grandma!  Thanks."

  that just made me cry.

[Rachel]

Michelle, that was such a nice post. I am happy you are meeting some very nice people at your church.

Are all Unitarian churches similar in their acceptance of trans?

[Michelle_P]

Michelle, that was such a nice post. I am happy you are meeting some very nice people at your church.

Are all Unitarian churches similar in their acceptance of trans?

Thanks!  I'm really trying hard to develop a social life, both within our little transgender community here and within a much broader circle of folks.  I haven't had my own social life in over 40 years, and even back then, the old male persona was driving, and he was a private, standoffish sort of construct (deliberately).  I find that as myself, I'm much more open, relaxed, and talkative than he ever was.

I've only had close contact with two UU congregations, the Berkeley folks (in Kensington, the hills above El Cerrito north of Berkeley), and the Walnut Creek congregation.  Given the principles that UU is based on, I would expect them all to be pretty open and accepting.  They've been really nice, and I think I could fit in well.  Community service projects of various sorts are a big thing with them, and something I enjoy as well.

[HappyMoni]

Rachel and Michelle,
   My partner belongs to a UU church and was a founding member. We have found the 3 UU churches in the Baltimore area to be very open and trans friendly. They helped sponsor a trans day of remembrance. Unfortunately we missed it as my partner was sick.
Moni

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I also have a special box packed for my last trip from the old place. It has the last of the sad old mans clothes, and I'll be dropping that off at Goodwill on the way home.

Yay! I know, late to comment, but it feels so good to get rid of that stuff, doesn't it? Getting rid of my sad, nothing-fits-so-I-might-as-well-wear-women's-clothes wardrobe felt so good.

[Michelle_P]

Yay! I know, late to comment, but it feels so good to get rid of that stuff, doesn't it? Getting rid of my sad, nothing-fits-so-I-might-as-well-wear-women's-clothes wardrobe felt so good.

Oh, yeah!  That was the GOOD kind of purging!   That was my retirement party for the sad old man. 

Hi, Moni!  There you are!  Nice avatar.   

My post-Thanksgiving event last night went very well.  I picked up my son at my wife's house, under her Usual Rules. Pull up at the prearranged time, DO NOT GET OUT (what if the neighbors see?!??), text, and he'll come out.  Huh.  Anyway, he spotte the little car as soon as I pulled up, came out, opened the door, and met me.  "Son, I am your father..."  To his credit he didn't scream or fall into a giant shaft or anything.  Just said "Hi", and got in the car.

"I know I look a little different..." "Eh, it's still you."  OK, cool with that.  He did keep looking at me as we drove to the mother-in-law's place, which I expected.  After all, I do look a bit different.  I mentioned that I had done 'The Works' in makeup, and I had a very colorful scarf under the denim jacket collar, along with the white turtleneck, skinny jeans, and black full calf boots.  Not the usual Dad-wear.  The whole deal was actually aimed at my sister-in-law, who had been pulling my leg a bit in our last phone call about trading notes on makeup.  She hadn't met Michelle before, either, but seemed OK with me.  She's a senior HR person, and has done diversity training and dealt with correcting people problems for a long time.

So, we got to their house, knocked on the door, and my son and I were greeted warmly by our relatives.  I've said it before, but acceptance really is the greatest gift.  A really great turkey dinner is pretty close, though.

We had a wonderful visit.  Kitchen fun, with me carving the bird (I'm good at it), and helping to get everything ready.  I love kitchen work.   We had a great dinner, from homemade soup to pumpkin pie.  Afterwards we retreated to the living room, and chatted for a couple of hours.  The inevitable questions about me came up, and I gave them what I hope are reasonable answers.  I'm getting used to that, but don't intend for it to be a subject of future visits with folks I've already had The Talk with.  There are other topics in life.

My son came home with me to the bachelorette pad, where I had a twin bed set up for him.  Dude slept like a log.  I wish I could do that!  We went out to breakfast at a nice local place this morning, to get him all fueled up, and then I took him to the airport for his flight home.

That was a nice start for my weekend.  The rest of the day was pretty quiet.  I got in about 70 of my 10,000 steps when the downpour started, so I headed back home without my usual coffee stop.  Tomorrow I just have the morning services at the UU church I've been visiting.  I'm inclined to sign The Book and become a member.  Nice folks and some good projects I can dig into.  I've got a meeting record to transcribe, and some budget documents to finish. 

Monday is my birthday, and I'm celebrating with a couple hours of electrolysis and perhaps lunch with a friend.

Huh.  The Real Life Experience involves having a real life.  Who knew?   

[Rachel]

Michelle, it sounds like it was a wonderful time😀 Happy birthday 

[HappyMoni]

Michelle,
So glad the family dinner went so well. The more often you do it, the more relaxed it will be. Happy Birthday and thanks for the comment on my avatar.
Monica

[josie76]

Michelle, I'm so happy for you that your family is so accepting (mostly anyway). I keep reading your life book here and finding it such a positive influence. Thank you for continuing to share with us.

Monica you look great! I noticed you changed your avatar the other day. It inspired me to put myself out here also. Thanks for that

[HappyMoni]

Thanks Josie, what a nice thing to say! I don't usually inspire, it feels good! I must say that I love your picture. You look great! I don't see you having any trouble passing.
Monica

[Michelle_P]

Today I had another joint session with my wife and the divorce lawyer. In accordance with Her Prime Directive, I have to present as male for purposes of doing a mediated divorce.

I was shaking as I cross dressed male, the old dysphoria back, anxiety and probably my blood pressure spiking.  A lovely start to the day...

We spent a couple hours there, paying the lawyer his hourly rate to explain to her the need to have a budget, determine how much she could safely spend from investments, and live within.

She objected strenuously to this, insisting she needs more money. "My friend Carol has way more than this that she spends every month."  Your friend Carol is drawing a nice monthly pension and Social Security that she delayed til age 70, for double what you can draw at age 62.

She spent the next hour sulking and refusing to sign any more paperwork.  I spent it mostly hoping I could get the heck out of there and back to my new life. Odds of reconciliation: 0%

So, I had a grand day out enjoying some real male privilege.

I'll try not to kill myself beating my head against the wall.

At least I've confirmed that I haven't been 'cured' of gender dysphoria. I've still got it...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rachel]

I am sorry you are going through this. Mediation is painful and having to dress male is painful. Make sure you do something to treat yourself. A scented bath, buy a top or eat your favorite food.

[jentay1367]

You're one tough chick, Michelle. This too, shall pass. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and forever".

Stole that from Casablanca.  Go have a glass of wine and revel in the fact this this will be behind you and we got your back.