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An update on me...

Started by Michelle_P, October 15, 2016, 09:19:13 PM

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Raell

Whoa!

Unbelievable what you ladies have to go through.

I am reminded to count my blessings.

But I don't know how you do it.

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Michelle_P

I'm really obstinate, stubborn to the point that I can be a bit of a steamroller  to perceived obstacles, even myself.

I got my presentation together for last night. I want out with a bodycon top, pencil skirt, leggings, and boots.  I managed to surprise myself.  Not too bad for a 63 year old broad...


Yeah, a night out like this helped shake off the dysphoria a bit. Now I just need to find some older women interested in dating me...   life later this year might get interesting. [emoji77]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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Raell

Well you look great!

Have you tried visiting a gay bar, or joined an online dating forum?

Sadly, many people in those places can be  somewhat intense, so maybe you could try gay group activities, if such things are available where you live.


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Michelle_P

Quote from: Raell on January 03, 2017, 08:33:57 AM
Have you tried visiting a gay bar, or joined an online dating forum?

Sadly, many people in those places can be  somewhat intense, so maybe you could try gay group activities, if such things are available where you live.

Both good ideas.  The meetup last night was at a local club, but our little group were almost the only patrons.  Monday nights are quiet.  The other LGBT bar in town caters to a loud male clientele, probably not the best place to try.  ;)

Online dating is not going to happen. I am not interested in putting myself in the situations that all too often result from that in my little part of the world.  (It rarely seems to end well, between fraud, con artists, losers, and crime here.)

I'm active with some LGBT groups, not quite the same thing, as most of the folks are much younger than me.  Once I get settled in here socially with the broader community, there is a lesbian group that includes more folks my age that I will likely join.

I'm deliberately making an effort to establish social contacts beyond the LGBT community both for my own social growth, and my activist tendencies to try and convince the world that we're just more nice folks, with unusual backgrounds,



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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jentay1367

You look awesome Michelle, really cute!
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Michelle_P

Thanks.  I'm still having 'attitude problems' today, though.  I've gotten hit with the 'You are being selfish' meme from several directions today. 

Oh, silly me.  Deciding to continue living and making others ever so uncomfortable with my existence., rather than doing the socially sanctioned thing some 'religious' folks tell me I should do and off myself, or have myself institutionalized and drugged out of their sight.

Mustn't offend the transphobes and their delicate sensibilities.

Stuff 'em.  I'm here, I'm trans.  Get used to it.

Time to get out of the house and offend someone.  It is the way of my people. ;).  I just need to raise some Heck.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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jentay1367

L.O.L.   yeah!  Get out there and make some jerks uncomfortable! Woman after my own heart.
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Raell

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Janes Groove

Oh my God.  This story is just so triggering.  No wonder I've been putting off reading it for so long.  It has so many echoes of my own journey of coming out and being me. The rejections, the indignities, the refusals to give an inch.  The anger. The humor. The tears. And the wins too.  You may even have a book here. I think you do. And I haven't ever read thru half of it yet.  But it's good writing. It's a good thing your doing.
Stay positive. I know you do.
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Michelle_P

Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be triggering, Jane Emily.  I just wanted to somehow record my whole transition just for my own record, and in the hope that sharing all this daily trivia and the background of my slower changes might help someone else earlier in the process. I got a lot out of reading some of the other very long threads about transitions, like the one Rachel Lynn has been doing, and want to try and pay it forward.

That's what this thread is all about for me.  All the little stuff and the big stuff that makes up Real Life.  Welcome to my Real Life Experience.  :D

I was just thinking that I might wear that outfit from Monday night to my next group therapy session, just for fun.  "See, I wear skirts and dresses sometimes.   Can I have my surgery now?"  ;)

This was another busy week, punctuated with the usual down and up moves.  I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday, and managed to add some travel complexity while feeling downright cranky.  I got an e-mail from someone that knows wife-departing, and it was a little offputting, the usual junk about making selfish choices.  I don't think I'll bother replying.  Maybe I could make a donation to one of the Transgender support organizations in their name just to make their junk mail interesting.  Then, I found the car had spray paint on it.  Brand new, too. Being new it had a nice shiny coating on it's finish, and I got some of the paint off.  I dropped the car at an auto detailer to finish up, while I took the local rail transit to my doctors appointment.  In the rain.  With wind.  Yuck.

The doctor was one of the officially LGBT friendly ones in Kaiser, and being fairly new, still had patient openings in her practice.  Yay!  She's really nice, easy to talk to, and managed to give me an exam without too much embarrassment, other than the inevitable prostate check.  (I've had problems there in the recent past, alas.  I'll never be free of that poking.)  I may just get back to her to see if she can connect me with the Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions Center, for coverage of electrolysis and a few surgeries I think I'm going to need to get past this damn dysphoria.

The ride back was cold and wet, then on the train, crowded.  Evening commute time starts early.  I got back to my stop, walked over to the car detailer, and the car was ready as promised.  "Sorry that happened to you.  No charge, ma'am." Huh?  They cleaned that junk off at no charge?  Wow!  OK, they've got all my future car cleaning business.

Wednesday I went over to visit with my mother-in-law.  I did some more little fixups, installing a low voltage outdoor lighting system so she wouldn't be going up and down the outside stairs in the dark, getting some banking information pulled together for her taxes, opening a mystery trunk she and my sister-in-law had found in one of the back rooms, and a few other odds and ends, just keeping her company.  She cooked lunch and dinner for me, and sent me home with enough leftovers for another 4 meals.  (Seriously.  Damn.  I left with a grocery sack full of 'leftovers'.)  Totally accepting of me, and not even any misgendering.  Pretty darn cool for an 86 year old.

Also on Wednesday, a preliminary judgement was posted by the Superior Court in the case of my name and gender petition. "Petition Approved. Proposed Order Submitted. No Appearance Required."  I think I'll show up in court anyway, just in case, and to hear the name read in court officially.  I have to go to the courthouse at noon to pick up the order and file it anyway.

This morning I paid closer attention to my feelings, as I've noticed that I often feel 'off' until I'm dressed, including hair and makeup.  I posted some of this in the "mirror dysphoria" thread.  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218431.msg1933752.html#msg1933752

It feels like I've been lost, that odd sensation we get in a strange place when we lose track of our position, don't see any landmarks, and start to worry.  When I saw myself in the mirror fully dressed, hair and makeup in place, I found myself, and there was a palpable sense of relief.  Yeah, more dysphoria.

We all know what cures dysphoria.  Shopping!  I needed a few odds and ends, so out I went.  I tried a new wig shop that some friends had recommended.  Good supply of stuff, many familiar styles and construction.  I asked about a lace-front heat styleable wig with a certain type of cap.  I mentioned the brand and model I was wearing.  I got this hilarious spiel about how these were Chinese-made, of inferior quality, while all of her wigs were the finest European products.  I picked out a lace-front wig with a cap and hair design that looked... familiar... and looked closely.  Yeah, all the tags had been clipped out, but it was clearly a Hair U Wear "memory" cap (identical to mine), kanekalon fiber wig, finer than the model I was wearing, bit a similar length.  "European" my arse.  At least the price was right.  I don't know if I'll bother going back there though.  Besides the spiel, the darn thing smells faintly like cigarette smoke.  I'll wash it before I style it anyway.

Besides the hair, I hit Sephora to resupply on a few goodies I was running low on.  Nobody even gave me a second glance there.  Probably all transfixed by the shiny, shiny products. ;)  The staff was friendly and polite, as usual.  I took a coffee break, read some posts, and then went grocery shopping.  With nasty weather coming, I tried to lay in enough stuff to last me till Monday.  Home again, fresh leftovers for dinner :) and then it's time to pay the bills and catch up on my e-mails.

Tomorrow I'll be putting in a few hours to prep for my next class.  I need to build some props for that one.  A meeting of that amateur radio club I'm president of is coming up next week, so I need to assemble an agenda.  I've also got to get a few more forms ready for my name change, and I want to get new checks with my new name ordered.  (I don't get them from the bank, so there won't be any problem ordering them this way.  I'll deal with the bank after I have the order in hand.)
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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Cindy

Wow girl,
Fantastic post, love the outfit and be proud of yourself.

As for socialisation, I love  Art and many members of the Art community are Queer so it is a lovely community to join in for gallery openings, new exhibitions, talks and such events.

So sorry to hear about your car!!  Jeez that really annoys me.

Be very aware of your surroundings and take vigilant care for your own safety, jerks like that have no mental capacity to understand.
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Rachel

Michelle, you look wonderful. 63 is just a number.
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas in 2020 FEMLAR
  • skype:Rachel?call
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Raell

LOL! Loved your post:

The idea of donating "to one of the Transgender support organizations in their name just to make their junk mail interesting" is a great one!

I love how the garage staff realized the graffiti had been a hate crime and showed solidarity with you (and perhaps protesting Trumpites) by cleaning your car for free!

I love how you helped your mother-in-law despite controversy, and she understood, and not only rewarded you, but also never misgendered you..thus showing both solidarity and approval!

I also love this quote: "We all know what cures dysphoria.  Shopping!"
Well, for MtF people anyway..I hated shopped, and it used to give me such strong dysphoria that I'd ask my husband to do it!

With the derris scandens, which seems to blend my genders, I can now shop some, and even wore some beautiful new Thai crocheted, lined blouses to work this week, since we have to wear black or white while teaching, for one year, to mourn the Thai king.

It almost scared me to look in the mirror. I usually dress androgynously, even at work, but these lacy blouses were almost like dresses, and I looked stunningly beautiful and femme (my male side's opinion), yet didn't feel dysphoria.

I startled the Thai staff at the new school, though, who expected me to behave differently than I did, and after seeing me dash up and down the stairs, walk to the school from the main road, zoom around the huge school grounds getting to classes, bounding up onto chairs to hang teaching aid posters, playing lively ESL games with the kids, they cautiously asked my age, then kept saying how surprised they were that I'm so "keng reng" (strong, vigorous). So far, perhaps because of my lacy clothes, nobody yet has mentioned what all the other schools realized, that I'm no female, but closer to what they call a "tom."
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Michelle_P

Aw, thanks, everyone.

To be honest, transition and starting a new life on my own may be the best thing that has ever happened to me. All my life I've really lived with others, trying to meet their expectations. At home with my brothers and parents, at college in shared housing, in the military on subs, and married life for almost 4 decades. Three months in an apartment on my own is the first solo act I've ever done.

And I'm doing it as ME![emoji76]

Life is actually pretty good.  I have to admit that transitioning in the San Francisco Bay Area is playing the Real Life Test on the EASY setting, but that is how it should be for all of us.

Love for all,
Michelle


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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Lily Rose

that is so great to read.
"I love you!"
– Lily Anne

"You must unlearn what you have learned."
– Yoda

"The road to success is always under construction."
– Lily Tomlin

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent."
– Victor Hugo :icon_headfones:
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Janes Groove

Quote from: Michelle_P on January 06, 2017, 12:55:07 AM
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be triggering, Jane Emily.

No, no no. Don't be sorry. I get triggered by everything these days.  Movies. Books. Documentaries.  TV commercials.  It must be the estrogen.
It really is a great read.
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bluepaint

Quote from: Jane Emily on January 04, 2017, 03:46:16 PM
You may even have a book here. I think you do. And I haven't ever read thru half of it yet.  But it's good writing. It's a good thing your doing.

I think most of our stories would make good reading , with all the drama we have had to deal with in our lives! Michelle expresses herself so well when she posts so writing it all in a book might not be a bad idea! :)


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jentay1367

Good book? Probably. Problem is it's a pretty small target demographic. The people who seem to do best with these books appear to have had some notoriety for other reasons prior to telling their story. We are a curiosity. But not enough to make the mainstream take the time to read about our journey.
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bluepaint

i dont want to shift the thread from Michelle but just to say this, bios maybe not,  theres plenty and everyones pretty well knows the premise these days but theres a new breed of  trans writers out there creating new different kinds of stories that include trans characters now , so , no , maybe not bios per say but look at " transparent" " boy meets girl" ect... theres still much to share thats unique and special about our lives!


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Michelle_P

Quote from: jentay1367 on January 07, 2017, 11:46:38 AM
Good book? Probably. Problem is it's a pretty small target demographic. The people who seem to do best with these books appear to have had some notoriety for other reasons prior to telling their story. We are a curiosity. But not enough to make the mainstream take the time to read about our journey.

Exactly.  I will have more readers here, in this thread, than I would likely get through publication.  As a bonus, I won't need space to warehouse a few thousand unsold books.

The posts here serve the trans community better than something on the back shelf of a bookstore, or buried among the half million or so self-published books on Amazon.  And here, we are interactive!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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