Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be triggering, Jane Emily. I just wanted to somehow record my whole transition just for my own record, and in the hope that sharing all this daily trivia and the background of my slower changes might help someone else earlier in the process. I got a lot out of reading some of the other very long threads about transitions, like the one Rachel Lynn has been doing, and want to try and pay it forward.
That's what this thread is all about for me. All the little stuff and the big stuff that makes up Real Life. Welcome to my Real Life Experience.
I was just thinking that I might wear that outfit from Monday night to my next group therapy session, just for fun. "See, I wear skirts and dresses sometimes. Can I have my surgery now?"
This was another busy week, punctuated with the usual down and up moves. I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday, and managed to add some travel complexity while feeling downright cranky. I got an e-mail from someone that knows wife-departing, and it was a little offputting, the usual junk about making selfish choices. I don't think I'll bother replying. Maybe I could make a donation to one of the Transgender support organizations in their name just to make their junk mail interesting. Then, I found the car had spray paint on it. Brand new, too. Being new it had a nice shiny coating on it's finish, and I got some of the paint off. I dropped the car at an auto detailer to finish up, while I took the local rail transit to my doctors appointment. In the rain. With wind. Yuck.
The doctor was one of the officially LGBT friendly ones in Kaiser, and being fairly new, still had patient openings in her practice. Yay! She's really nice, easy to talk to, and managed to give me an exam without too much embarrassment, other than the inevitable prostate check. (I've had problems there in the recent past, alas. I'll never be free of that poking.) I may just get back to her to see if she can connect me with the Kaiser Multi-Specialty Transitions Center, for coverage of electrolysis and a few surgeries I think I'm going to need to get past this damn dysphoria.
The ride back was cold and wet, then on the train, crowded. Evening commute time starts early. I got back to my stop, walked over to the car detailer, and the car was ready as promised. "Sorry that happened to you. No charge, ma'am." Huh? They cleaned that junk off at no charge? Wow! OK, they've got all my future car cleaning business.
Wednesday I went over to visit with my mother-in-law. I did some more little fixups, installing a low voltage outdoor lighting system so she wouldn't be going up and down the outside stairs in the dark, getting some banking information pulled together for her taxes, opening a mystery trunk she and my sister-in-law had found in one of the back rooms, and a few other odds and ends, just keeping her company. She cooked lunch and dinner for me, and sent me home with enough leftovers for another 4 meals. (Seriously. Damn. I left with a grocery sack full of 'leftovers'.) Totally accepting of me, and not even any misgendering. Pretty darn cool for an 86 year old.
Also on Wednesday, a preliminary judgement was posted by the Superior Court in the case of my name and gender petition. "Petition Approved. Proposed Order Submitted. No Appearance Required." I think I'll show up in court anyway, just in case, and to hear the name read in court officially. I have to go to the courthouse at noon to pick up the order and file it anyway.
This morning I paid closer attention to my feelings, as I've noticed that I often feel 'off' until I'm dressed, including hair and makeup. I posted some of this in the "mirror dysphoria" thread.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218431.msg1933752.html#msg1933752It feels like I've been lost, that odd sensation we get in a strange place when we lose track of our position, don't see any landmarks, and start to worry. When I saw myself in the mirror fully dressed, hair and makeup in place, I found myself, and there was a palpable sense of relief. Yeah, more dysphoria.
We all know what cures dysphoria. Shopping! I needed a few odds and ends, so out I went. I tried a new wig shop that some friends had recommended. Good supply of stuff, many familiar styles and construction. I asked about a lace-front heat styleable wig with a certain type of cap. I mentioned the brand and model I was wearing. I got this hilarious spiel about how these were Chinese-made, of inferior quality, while all of her wigs were the finest European products. I picked out a lace-front wig with a cap and hair design that looked... familiar... and looked closely. Yeah, all the tags had been clipped out, but it was clearly a Hair U Wear "memory" cap (identical to mine), kanekalon fiber wig, finer than the model I was wearing, bit a similar length. "European" my arse. At least the price was right. I don't know if I'll bother going back there though. Besides the spiel, the darn thing smells faintly like cigarette smoke. I'll wash it before I style it anyway.
Besides the hair, I hit Sephora to resupply on a few goodies I was running low on. Nobody even gave me a second glance there. Probably all transfixed by the shiny, shiny products.
The staff was friendly and polite, as usual. I took a coffee break, read some posts, and then went grocery shopping. With nasty weather coming, I tried to lay in enough stuff to last me till Monday. Home again, fresh leftovers for dinner
and then it's time to pay the bills and catch up on my e-mails.
Tomorrow I'll be putting in a few hours to prep for my next class. I need to build some props for that one. A meeting of that amateur radio club I'm president of is coming up next week, so I need to assemble an agenda. I've also got to get a few more forms ready for my name change, and I want to get new checks with my new name ordered. (I don't get them from the bank, so there won't be any problem ordering them this way. I'll deal with the bank after I have the order in hand.)
