An update on me...

[Michelle_P]

Thanks.  I was very happy with how the panel went.

I had a really fun weekend and even a good Electro-Monday.   After that panel I headed back to the apartment for a little lunch, and after a bit of prep, headed off for the monthly consignment shop takeover & party. 

Yep, shopping and snacks.    Rather than take the usual store-bought cheese plate or veggies and dip, I like to do something different.  Now, the usual snacks are OK with white wine, but red calls for something a bit different.  I favor not-too-sweet chocolates and fats with red wine.  I picked up a chocolate babka, and carefully added toothpicks and sliced it into 24 pieces (100 cal ea; 50 cal fat).  This was a YUGE hit at the party.  Yay!

Oh, I scored three pairs of unworn shoes, light airy casual things for the warmer weather that my wardrobe lacked, and a cute Calvin Klein belted grey and white sheath dress.  Yaaay!

Sunday morning at church the minister stopped to tell me that the panel organizer from Saturday had said I was the best speaker that he had had at one of these events.  Training and experience pays off!     I thought that was pretty darn cool, though.  I always wondered if I'd lose that with my transition, but it looks to be part of me, not something that was part of the old persona.  (Technically that was part of me too, with some bits emphasized and others wildly suppressed ,so I really shouldn't be surprised. I am happy to find this out, though.)

We had a small support group session as well.  One of the young folks there had some amazing insights, far beyond their years.  I am glad to know them.  (No details. It was a support group, after all. Just a neat experience.)

I did my usual two 2 hour sessions of electrolysis today, with the result that my left cheek, upper and lower lip, chin, and left and middle of neck are completely clear, not even any immature hair left. It is sooooo smooth!

Even better, the work was all done with a #3 probe with a small tip and extended insulation, at a current less than a third of what was used initially in my beard a year ago. There was almost no discomfort, and minimal redness afterward. This was all thermolysis, by the way.

I look forward to waking tomorrow with my cheek sliding across the pillowcase ever so smoothly.  It is a bit silly but this makes me so darn happy!  Simple pleasures and progress in one affirming sensation, I think. 

[Laurie]

Michelle,

  I enjoy reading your updates. They are almost always positive and make one feel there is a future out there.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Michelle_P]

I made it to another Friday!  LOL!  (Retirees and their sense of humor, eh?)

Tuesday was a slow day.  I let my face bounce back from E-day, while I puttered around the apartment.

I got a notice that my brokerage had queued up the orders needed to implement the account partitioning mandated by the divorce settlement agreement.  The joint account gets split into 'mine' and 'theirs', and I lose a piece of my IRA (rolled over from a 401K). So, I spent several hours checking and re-checking all the orders to make sure each lot of the investments was divided properly, so the division fairly splits capital gains, losses, and tax liability (none of which the mediation attorney considered in his rejected proposal!).  It all looks OK, so I will let it proceed.

I also got a message from someone I was keeping an eye on.  They were in the area recovering from a surgery and needed some transportation help Wednesday.  No problem, as the day was completely open on my calendar. 

Later Tuesday I took off before the evening commute gridlocked the area, and headed to my old town where the amateur radio cub would be meeting later.  I did a little shopping, parked in a coffee shop and read a little while, then met up with the other members for pizza and then the meeting.  It felt odd to sit through the meeting with someone else chairing it. (I didn't run for President this year.  Let someone else take a turn.  I'll likely miss some meetings while in medical recovery sometime this year.)

Wednesday I got the message that the brokerage orders had executed, with all the results. It came in right as I was leaving the apartment.  Yay!  I now have control of my finances back, and am out from under the 'security lockout' my ex had triggered posing at their login for the joint account.  This is a huge relief.  As in, I can buy groceries again.

I picked up our visitor, and got her up to her appointment with plenty of time.  We spent a while in a coffee shop just chatting about ancient tech, histories, and art glass!  That made for a fun and educational afternoon.  I got to meet an absolutely brilliant gal, and I hope I made a new friend out in the world.  She made her appointment, and afterward a light meal and off to where she'd be staying. 

I love experiences and days like this.  The world feels so different from when I was an introverted hermit.

I spent much of Thursday verifying the brokerage order execution and bringing records up to date.  Then I filled out the forms to put my correct name on various accounts, now that they were MINE, and not shared with someone who would be offended by my existence.   Thursday evenings I head to the UU church for some shared meditation and community dinner (more social stuff!), and then we had a little educational film session, with the 'This Is Me' documentary shorts from the TransParent producers.  Attendance:  The intern minister, me, and one other person.  *SIGH*

I spent Friday morning at a couple of banks, getting my accounts re-named. The regional bank was a piece of cake.  BofA, not so much, mostly because they tried to upsell me yet again.  I had moved almost everything out of BofA because every time I went in there to take care of a 2 minute teller transaction I got diverted to a 'relationship manager' who spent a half hour trying to sell me bad investments before they would process my deposit or cut a cashiers check.  Guess how they handled the name change request...

Friday afternoon I had lunch with friends from the local trans social support group (Yay!), and eventually I made it back to the apartment in time to pick up my protest signs and head to our monthly 'witnessing' event to entertain the evening commuters.  That went well.   I'd say I had a pretty good personal 'day of visibility' right there.

I finished my dinner and am poking around online now, but getting sleepy.  It's been a moderately busy week.  I'm tired, happy, and so glad to be out from under that old cloud of depression and anxiety.  Just being myself has been such a huge relief.

[Laurie]

  Hi Michelle,
    As is your usually another busy week but this time with a turn towards the better for you. Glad to hear things are finally looking up for you with the asset split getting resolved and you access to yours being restored.
  Go to bed and get some rest girl, Gheeze!! Enough already. Go

Hugs,
   Laurie

[LizK]

What better revenge is there, than to lead a happy and fulfilling life...I can feel the relief in this post, that you finally have things heading in a direction wholly and solely controlled by you.

Glad to read that things are going your way and you are feeling so positive. ...The bank seemed like it could have been a pain in the derriere...mine was very meticulous but at least they didn't try and sell me anything LOL.

[Stacitg1]

So happy for you that you are now totally free to be yourself. I will most likely be going through similar circumstances next year. My family is aware that I identify as transgender but is not supportive. I plan on announcing my intention to transition sometime in September. I am 95% sure that my wife will want a divorce or at least a separation. This will force me into taking SS a year earlier than I wanted but oh well! I can hardly wait to be living RLE every day as the woman I am. Your story gives me so much hope and hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive and kicking.

[Dayta]

So happy for you that you are now totally free to be yourself. I will most likely be going through similar circumstances next year. My family is aware that I identify as transgender but is not supportive. I plan on announcing my intention to transition sometime in September. I am 95% sure that my wife will want a divorce or at least a separation. This will force me into taking SS a year earlier than I wanted but oh well! I can hardly wait to be living RLE every day as the woman I am. Your story gives me so much hope and hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive and kicking.

Heya Staci,

I'm so sorry to hear about your family, especially your wife, but happy that you'll soon be taking steps toward becoming your best self.  I'm encouraged by everyone brave enough to break through and move forward.  I don't know if I'd have a vision of what I really wanted without hearing from many people, just like yourself.  So please don't underestimate the impact of even small victories on the community at large.  Looking forward to hearing more about your journey, good luck!

Erin

[Michelle_P]

So happy for you that you are now totally free to be yourself. I will most likely be going through similar circumstances next year. My family is aware that I identify as transgender but is not supportive. I plan on announcing my intention to transition sometime in September. I am 95% sure that my wife will want a divorce or at least a separation. This will force me into taking SS a year earlier than I wanted but oh well! I can hardly wait to be living RLE every day as the woman I am. Your story gives me so much hope and hope is the only thing that is keeping me alive and kicking.

Staci, I am so sorry that this is happening to you.  Rejection of someone we have spent our lives with is hard to handle, really hard. I spent months trying to deny this was going to happen, and it hit me pretty hard when it did.

The initial move out experience was pretty rough, with new deadlines and rules being issued frequently in the middle of the process.  The good news is that within a few weeks of moving out and starting my full time life as myself, my mental state was vastly improved.  Oh, I was still pretty fragile, but the depression and anxiety were largely gone as I learned it was possible to exist and function in society on my own.

That's part of why I do this thread, and keep it up.  I want others to see what the whole RLE and divorce experience has looked like for one person.  There is certainly no guarantee that others will have a similar experience, but with relatively little animosity from the parties involved things can be resolved, and life can not only continue, but improve for us.

[Michelle_P]

I made it through another weekend!

Saturday, now that I have my funds again, was grocery shopping!  Oh, joy!  Actual food!  Fresh fruits and veggies!  That was a huge relief.  And I can make the rent for this month. (I lost access to all funds from my former partner poking at the login for our joint account too much, combined with the court orders against tinkering with the accounts before settlement.)

I had the usual church and coffee klatch this morning.  This afternoon I stopped for coffee and did some shopping, to pick up a couple of light cardigans to wear as the weather gets warmer here.  I also managed to get 11,000 steps in.  (I may spring for a compact stationary bike to help with getting my heart rate up daily.)  I got some of my banking data up to date, and cleaned my desk while I baked a chicken pot pie for dinner. 

Monday is E-day, two of my 2 hour electrolysis sessions, with a lunch break at a local diner in between.  I'm such a regular there that I walk in and Rita, my usual waitress, just puts my order in and brings me a decaf coffee as I am seated.   This may be a special E-day.  I shaved last Thursday, just my right cheek, right neck, and a little patch on the left.  I haven't shaved the upper or lower lip and chin area in quite a while.  After this visit the thin stuff on the right side should be gone, and with any luck the little patch on the left will also be clear.  That may make last Thursday the last time I have had to shave, ever.  If not last week, then this week.

Past this week I am pretty sure that just the electrolysis sessions will be enough to keep my face clean of hair.  I hope...

Tuesday is another special day, when I have my consult for FFS with Dr. Klineberger.  He did a 1 year fellowship under Dr. Jeffery Spiegel.  This should be interesting.  "Doc, can you fix me?"  Goddess, I hope so!

A group session Tuesday night, I see my old gender therapist Wednesday, Thursday I have off, a lunch meet up and a meeting on Friday, the first Pride event of the season on Saturday, and away we go again.

[Laurie]

 Hi Michelle,

  It almost sounds like you took the weekend off. It didn't sound as busy as it usually does. Another sound I get from this post is a lighter freer tone. Being out from under the yoke is good for you.
  Here you are tell us you're nearing the end of facial torture (and that's great) and here I am about to start mine. I picked up some aspercream and witch hazel at the store today but couldn't find any aloe vera gel. Probably because I don't know what I'm looking for or where to find it. Aloe moisturizer, aloe lotion, I think I even saw aloe bandaids but no aloe gel. A little online research should fix that. My doc is sending out some EMLA but I'm not sure it will make it here before Thursday.
  Good luck with your consult. I'm sure you'll be fine and be satisfied with the meeting. Just another step in the process and nothing you cannot handle.

  You're doing great Michelle. Keep it up and thank you for keeping us newbies informed.

Hugs,
   Laurie
   
 

[LizK]

Monday is E-day, two of my 2 hour electrolysis sessions, with a lunch break at a local diner in between.  I'm such a regular there that I walk in and Rita, my usual waitress, just puts my order in and brings me a decaf coffee as I am seated.   This may be a special E-day.  I shaved last Thursday, just my right cheek, right neck, and a little patch on the left.  I haven't shaved the upper or lower lip and chin area in quite a while.  After this visit the thin stuff on the right side should be gone, and with any luck the little patch on the left will also be clear.  That may make last Thursday the last time I have had to shave, ever.  If not last week, then this week.

Past this week I am pretty sure that just the electrolysis sessions will be enough to keep my face clean of hair.  I hope...

Insanely jealous its you and not me    but well done what a great effort. You seem to have managed a huge progression in such a short amount of time....amazing

Liz

[Shy]

Argggh, all this talk of E-days. Glad you're nearing the end of the follicle wars Michelle just as mine's about to start.
Going to book it Thursday after my makeover. I budgeted it last week only to have my washing machine break down and flood the kitchen. But i'm determined not to miss out on all the fun, I may have to start off with 30min sessions for now, but start I will.

Glad the funds are back, and there's food in the pantry, and thanks again for the wig tips. Not a sign of a headache the past few days

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Michelle_P]

Well, I think I might be shaving again this week. It's going slowly as we clear the finer stuff that would otherwise turn into mature terminal hair.

Note that I'll be stopping shaving at a point where it still takes 3-4 hours a week to keep clear. That's a bit more than most folks are willing to put up with, and I expect it will go on for a while.

Time to go prep for the afternoon session...


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[RobynD]

I sort of dread doing the facial hair but i know i will. Half of me wants to say to the world " yeah i'm a girl with a bit of scruff, deal with it" but the other half of me says girl, get your stuff done, all your stuff.

[Michelle_P]

I sort of dread doing the facial hair but i know i will. Half of me wants to say to the world " yeah i'm a girl with a bit of scruff, deal with it" but the other half of me says girl, get your stuff done, all your stuff.

I tried to convince myself of that, but some introspection revealed to me that the darn facial hair and the male drill of shaving were bringing on some pretty intense waves of anxiety and dysphoria.  It has to go.

And, my afternoon session made much progress, with the entire right cheek and neck cleared.  The patch on the left cheek was cleared, as were some other little bits left on the chin and lower left cheek.  There are perhaps 60-80 hairs of fresh growth on the left neck.

So, my marching orders for next week are to shave the left neck area up to the jawline once (1 time) in the next day or so and let everything grow.  I'll have a two hour session next week to get the heaviest regrowth, nothing the following week (on holiday), and then two 2 hour sessions the following week; one to keep the face cleared and one to start genital clearing for GCS.

I've got a dinner and meetup with friends in the social support group tonight, and tomorrow I have my first consult for FFS, followed by a Kaiser group session tomorrow evening.

Sometimes transition feels like a full-time job.  The pay is lousy but the benefits are great...

[Michelle_P]

And even more stuff has happened...

The dinner and meetup was fun, as always.  This one was an anniversary party for the social support group.  I've been active in it maybe 7 months, but the group has been running for 26 years now.  The founder and still the organizer of this group is pretty amazing.  The membership is a really nice crowd, from all over the femme transgender spectrum.  It is pretty neat to see the way everyone presents at the meetups.  Yes, there's some over-the-top, and some 'underachievers', but that is all part of the package.

Today, I had my FFS consult with Dr. Klineberger.  He wanted to know if I was familiar with what was available, so we chatted, and I emphasized that while understanding the individual procedures, I had trouble imagining the integrated result, and would be trusting him in the details and approach to take.  My goal is simply to pass without doing that 25 minute makeup drill.  I want to be able to just walk out of the apartment and not get 'Sir'ed.  (As happened on my walk to the appointmentment. )

So, we went down the list from, er, top to bottom.  There are a number of procedures recommended, some medically necessary, and a few cosmetic ones that I would love to have done and will be happy to cover out of pocket.  Here's my list, as summarized by me, so I may have dropped some details and items.

Medically necessary treatments:
Type 3 forehead revision with incision high on the head, above what should be my hairline.
Raise eyebrows and reduce orbital bone
Dorsal reduction and slight rotation of the nose
Lip lift
Jawline reduction done through the mouth
Tracheal shave with incision just under the chin, and laryngeal camera used to verify that the vocal fold attachment point is not damaged.

Cosmetic treatment (not covered by insurance)
Lower facelift
Upper blepharoplasty on right eye
Filler below eyes to reduce groove along nose

The blepharoplasty can be done with the forehead revision.  The filler is an office procedure, no big deal.  The lower facelift would be done well after FFS, once swelling and residual anesthesia effects are gone (6 months?) and would be combined with the lip lift so the Kaiser surgery can be used rather than a private clinic.  (One insured procedure is needed to use the Kaiser facilities!)

I'll be getting a CT scan of my head in the next few days, to be used in planning.

This is going to be an interesting experience...

[Laurie]

 
  Are you getting excited Michelle? I would be.

  I'm thinking more and more I want to go Kaiser with my medicare. Right now I don't know how that would affect my VA medical. I'll have to look into it.

  Go Michelle go!

  Hugs,
    Laurie

[LizK]

Good Luck with the procedures, to be able to have this done will make a huge difference for you. Great news for you.

[Michelle_P]

Well...  let's not get ahead of ourselves. The treatment plan has to be approved by the insurance side, and then the surgery scheduled. They're already booked into late 2018.

I go onto Medicare then, and that Federal plan could affect what treatment is permitted and covered.

That's a long way away. 


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[Laurie]

Well...  let's not get ahead of ourselves. The treatment plan has to be approved by the insurance side, and then the surgery scheduled. They're already booked into late 2018.

I go onto Medicare then, and that Federal plan could affect what treatment is permitted and covered.

That's a long way away. 

  Yeah, I suppose.

  For myself I guess I should concentrate on my first electrolysis visit before running over to Kaiser and scheduling my surgeries.

Hugs,
   Laurie