Thanks, everyone! Let's see if I can cover all of this...
1) Nobody here knows be from before I started my transition. I have only been Michelle, presenting as myself to everyone here.
2) There are a few people who know I am a transgender woman but did not know me before transition, who when I am NOT present refer to me with male pronouns, and who try (and sometimes fail) to gender me correctly when they see I am present. I don't consider them to be particularly accepting.
3) Oddly enough, the collection of conservative old males in that amateur radio club I was president of when I came out and went full time all knew me before, yet they have been absolutely flawless, nothing but gentlemen in handling this.
This particular incident was not aggression. She simply slipped up, being distracted forgot to consciously replace the 'he' she uses for me elsewhere with 'she'. Of course, I think we can all see the real problem there.
I have conducted a couple of presentations and a panel discussion with these folks in the past, and was there to conduct another presentation and Q&A session. The congregation has supposedly been through the
UUA Welcoming Congregations program, which provides training on basic politeness and background on LGBTQ people.
I have taken the approach Sadie mentions in the past, but honestly, after a year and a half of people in this group misgendering me, I feel more like I am enabling and excusing their behavior than improving the situation.
That 'speech' is just my venting my frustration with the situation.
Sometimes I think the old ways are the best, completing medical transition and then disappearing, resurfacing someplace where nobody knows us and just living our lives quietly, without rocking the boat or revealing our nature to the cispeople around us. I hate to do that, but it may be the only thing that gets me treated as a 'real woman', rather than what they may think of me.
