An update on me...

[Michelle_P]

Locking at your very feminine fingernails, how on earth do you guys do it to make them look so dainty?
I am supposed to be that girlish looking person, but my fingernail look as wide as a steam shovel!  And I have not very big hands at all, but my nails do definitely look male!  Short, wide and roundish! 
I can't have them long because I like to do yard work, and long fingernails would become dirt shovels.  But what can I do to get them look as feminine as yours?

Ok, I'll dish.

My nails are fragile, prone to cracking and long splits.  Last August, I had them done for a big event, and the salon suggested I try acrylic nail tips.  These are glued onto my own nails to extend them.  A two-part coating is then built up on the nails, a 'powder dip' process, and the result is worked over with a special Dremel-style tool to smooth and shape it.  My particular shape is a 'squoval', squared off and then rounded down.

Every three weeks I go into the salon for a 'fill', where the old finish atop the nail is partially ground down with that Dremel tool, and the powder + activator is brushed on to cover the new nail, re-coat part of the existing nail, and then shaped and trimmed using that Dremel tool and nail files.  A new gel finish and clear topcoat are applied and cured usuing UV light.

The result is a hard coating that adheres well to my fragile nails, and allows them to grow without breaking.  The original acrylic tip is long gone, and now my nails are intact and supported using the built-up powder and activator coating.

There are a number of variations on this process.

The original acrylic tips can cost $40-50 US, and the 'fill' every three weeks can be $20-30 US at most salons that do the powder dip coatings.

My nails are shorter than Laurie's.  I find the 'squoval' tips to be short enough that I can type and work with my hands much more easily than I could with longer nails.  A small brush works well for cleaning beneath the nails.  (I use an old toothbrush!)

[Linde]

Thanks for the info.
I believe that the light curing stuff was originally invented in our labs.  We developed this type of stuff for dental fillings (When a dentist puts that blue light thing into your mouth, they are curing the filling with UV light.  I worked on that to determine the proper wave length of the light).
It later made it's way into automotive body shops and the way it seems into the nail studios!

And as a side line, I also worked on the development of the breast implants which some of you may sport!  Us biomedical people do everything what is put into or onto your body.

[Michelle_P]

I've been remiss in keeping this up.  Oops.

I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks.  One out of over 500 members came.  This does not bode well for them.

I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon.  All is healing well.   

There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.

I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.'  Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.

I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world.  Fun group to work with!

So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life.  Yow.

[Northern Star Girl]

I've been remiss in keeping this up.  Oops.

I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks.  One out of over 500 members came.  This does not bode well for them.

I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon.  All is healing well.   

There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.

I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.'  Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.

I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world.  Fun group to work with!

So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life.  Yow.

@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle:
Thank you for sharing your update.... and yes, 2 weeks is way too long for your followers to be updated on your thread....   just talk to some others on here like @Jessica for example... she knows that I can bug her for her thread updates.... but she is a good sport about it.

Seriously, only one person out of over 500 members came to your presentation at your church??? 
Very sad for sure.  Have you had better attendance in similar presentations in the past?

I am happy to hear about your FFS followup visit....  no problems or issues, that is good news.

If your interview gets published I will be looking forward to reviewing it...  your coming out story!!! 

Nice to read about your facilitator duties for the support group....  how many attended?

Regarding your thread having gone from starting transition and eventually now to your real life...  frankly that is where my thread has been for a while now... and that is not a bad thing, we just write about different things now... about our "normal" everyday life endeavors...  not boring at all as it may seem to me the author of my thread, but very satisfying to have achieved many of our goals... but there are always more goals to conquer for all of us.

Again Michelle, thanks for your update and sharing your thoughts,
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Katie Jade]

I've been remiss in keeping this up.  Oops.

I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks.  One out of over 500 members came.  This does not bode well for them.

I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon.  All is healing well.   

There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.

I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.'  Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.

I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world.  Fun group to work with!

So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life.  Yow.

All good stuff Michelle

I have and do enjoy watching you become even more lovely, even in the short time since I joined last year. As I have said before you are quite inspirational to me and others in the forum. The wider world can be as ignorant as they want, but we all appreciate and love your journey through your thread here, even if it is but a brief glimpse of your challenges and happiness.
Bless

Take care
Luv n Hugz

Katie

   

[steph2.0]

So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life.  Yow.

Yay for real life! I hope to live it myself some day!

[Donica]

Thanks for the update Michelle! Hopefully the interview for the magazine article on 'coming out late in life will be published. All of us elderly ladies would love to read it.

I'm sorry to hear only one of the church members showed up for you Queer 101 presentation. I hope that doesn't mean they are not happy with welcoming LGBTQ folks. That would be another sad blow.

Hugs,
Donica.

[Sinclair]

I've been remiss in keeping this up.  Oops.

I did a Queer 101 presentation with a church that hopes to be welcoming to LGBTQ folks.  One out of over 500 members came.  This does not bode well for them.

I've had a followup visit with my FFS surgeon.  All is healing well.   

There was a big charity auction in which a couple of urban treks with me were auctioned off, along with a couple of nice Sunday brunches that I will host.

I did an interview for a magazine article on 'coming out late in life.'  Not all interviews result in publications, but if this one does, I will post more on it here.

I did my first round last night as facilitator for a trans/nonbinary/queer support group. We had a great discussion on style, the way we each present ourselves to the world.  Fun group to work with!

So, yeah, this thread seems to have gone from starting transition, through my social and medical transition, to my so-called real life.  Yow.

Noted that you mentioned the phrase "so-called life." There was a great TV show "My So-Called Life" in the mid 90's. It was a teen girl angst show, but I feel we can relate in some ways to that. As we come out and explore and change ourselves at whatever age, I think part of us is that teen girl. Exploring that teen experience even at much later ages is exciting as we grow breasts and see feminine changes. It's at times confusing as I just want to wear short skirts and hot pants, but still satisfying as I find a balance.

Michelle, you look good and the changes suite you well. I miss the glasses though.

[JudiBlueEyes]

Michelle that you are living your life normally is what we all seek.  My own personal log (or diary) has fewer entries now that my life is stable and normal.  This is a good thing.  I'm happy that you have arrived at this point as well.   I have followed your writing and all its ups and downs.  Your journey has been an encouraging light for many. 

Judi

[Michelle_P]

Noted that you mentioned the phrase "so-called life." There was a great TV show "My So-Called Life" in the mid 90's. It was a teen girl angst show, but I feel we can relate in some ways to that.
...
Michelle, you look good and the changes suite you well. I miss the glasses though.

The teen angst thing was exactly why i put that "so-called life" phrase in.    My eyesight is funny.  The left eye is 20/20 except for slight astigmatism, the right is quite nearsighted.  I can get by without glasses pretty easily with the left eye for distance vision and the right for reading.  I do wear glasses for driving, but that is about it.

Michelle that you are living your life normally is what we all seek.  My own personal log (or diary) has fewer entries now that my life is stable and normal.  This is a good thing.  I'm happy that you have arrived at this point as well.
...

Stable is good.  I'm in a better, happier place.  (Especially with @Laurie !)


I have had some odd events in my life, however, that were disconcerting.

This weekend I attended a charity fundraising event, at which I was auctioning off two of my urban treks and two Sunday brunches.  I was also supplying a dinner item, spaghetti and meatballs as a finger food (!), and a big platter of cookies ( @Laurie, I will make more...)



Since this was going to be a finger foods and wine social event along with the auction, a black cocktail dress seemed appropriate.  I got myself put together and headed up, with my dinner and dessert items all ready to go.



The dinner items were a hit, as was my dress, apparently.  Several folks commented to each other on the dress in my presence, including "Look at his dress!  Gorgeous!"

Folks also had questions on the "spaghetti and meatball" finger food.  Because the environment was a bit noisy and some members have hearing difficulties, a few times folks were repeating what I was saying.  "He said that the nest was..."

Anyone see the problem yet?

The thing that drives me bonkers is that nobody at this place knows me from before my transition.  They've only seen Michelle, although I have been quite open about being a transgender person.  Somehow, many folks there keep using male pronouns for me.

I'm not sure why.  I've been through major surgeries, speech therapy, movement training, even a few hundred hours of electrolysis.  I've taken courses in makeup, appearance styling, and such.  I've gone through the whole cumbersome legal process of getting the courts and government to agree that I am a female person.  This is reflected on my birth certificate, passport, drivers license, Medicare and Social Security records.  Kaiser says I'm female. Even the mighty DMV says I am female.

We offered a class recently to provide basic information on gender orientation and identity. One person, a well informed ally, came to the class.  *SIGH*

I've lectured and talked to individuals.  I'm not sure what else I can do.  People in this organization seem to think I am just a guy who wears dresses.  It's immensely frustrating to have people casually invalidate my gender identity, and behave this way.

Now, these are older folks, and kind, not malicious in any way.  They are instantly apologetic and contrite when I call them out on this behavior.  I suspect based on some recent one-on-one discussions that they may be trying too hard, and like the old gag "Whatever you do, do not think of an elephant!", they are focusing so hard on not goofing that they blurt this out.

I had an extended discussion on this with the lead person.   There will be future staffing changes that may help, so I won't be the 'token' highly visible trans person there.  Meanwhile, I'll be shifting my role slightly from being an involved member to treating myself as an instructor.  I'll do the same things I have always done, but I will maintain that 'professional distance' where I expect poor behavior from folks, rather than being as open as I have been.  This is not a great state to be in long term, but I can certainly do this for many months.

[Jessica]

The teen angst thing was exactly why i put that "so-called life" phrase in.    My eyesight is funny.  The left eye is 20/20 except for slight astigmatism, the right is quite nearsighted.  I can get by without glasses pretty easily with the left eye for distance vision and the right for reading.  I do wear glasses for driving, but that is about it.

Stable is good.  I'm in a better, happier place.  (Especially with @Laurie !)


I have had some odd events in my life, however, that were disconcerting.

This weekend I attended a charity fundraising event, at which I was auctioning off two of my urban treks and two Sunday brunches.  I was also supplying a dinner item, spaghetti and meatballs as a finger food (!), and a big platter of cookies ( @Laurie, I will make more...)



Since this was going to be a finger foods and wine social event along with the auction, a black cocktail dress seemed appropriate.  I got myself put together and headed up, with my dinner and dessert items all ready to go.



The dinner items were a hit, as was my dress, apparently.  Several folks commented to each other on the dress in my presence, including "Look at his dress!  Gorgeous!"

Folks also had questions on the "spaghetti and meatball" finger food.  Because the environment was a bit noisy and some members have hearing difficulties, a few times folks were repeating what I was saying.  "He said that the nest was..."

Anyone see the problem yet?

The thing that drives me bonkers is that nobody at this church knows me from before my transition.  They've only seen Michelle, although I have been quite open about being a transgender person.  Somehow, many folks there keep using male pronouns for me.

I'm not sure why.  I've been through major surgeries, speech therapy, movement training, even a few hundred hours of electrolysis.  I've taken courses in makeup, appearance styling, and such.  I've gone through the whole cumbersome legal process of getting the courts and government to agree that I am a female person.  This is reflected on my birth certificate, passport, drivers license, Medicare and Social Security records.  Kaiser says I'm female. Even the mighty DMV says I am female.

We offered a class recently to provide basic information on gender orientation and identity. One person, a well informed ally, came to the class.  *SIGH*

I've lectured and talked to individuals.  I'm not sure what else I can do.  People in this congregation seem to think I am just a guy who wears dresses.  It's immensely frustrating to have people casually invalidate my gender identity, and behave this way.

Now, these are older folks, and kind, not malicious in any way.  They are instantly apologetic and contrite when I call them out on this behavior.  I suspect based on some recent one-on-one discussions that they may be trying too hard, and like the old gag "Whatever you do, do not think of an elephant!", they are focusing so hard on not goofing that they blurt this out.

I had an extended discussion on this with the lead person.   There will be future staffing changes that may help, so I won't be the 'token' highly visible trans person there.  Meanwhile, I'll be shifting my role slightly from being an involved member to treating myself as an instructor.  I'll do the same things I have always done, but I will maintain that 'professional distance' where I expect poor behavior from folks, rather than being as open as I have been.  This is not a great state to be in long term, but I can certainly do this for many months.

@Michelle_P


Michelle, you have mentioned these occurrences previously, and unfortunately it has had an effect on me.  I have been leery of interacting with public after being misgendered in a locale I felt safe in.  Now I have worries about a place I felt safe to be spiritual.   I hadn't picked up on this personally, but you know the old tune 'Smiling Faces' by the Temptations. 

I hope we can get together soon and have lunch or a coffee (not at Cafe' La Scala!)

Hugs and smiles from another California girl

[Michelle_P]

@Michelle_P


Michelle, you have mentioned these occurrences previously, and unfortunately it has had an effect on me.  I have been leery of interacting with public after being misgendered in a locale I felt safe in.  Now I have worries about a place I felt safe to be spiritual.   I hadn't picked up on this personally, but you know the old tune 'Smiling Faces' by the Temptations. 

I hope we can get together soon and have lunch or a coffee (not at Cafe' La Scala!)

Hugs and smiles from another California girl

I'm sorry that this has impacted you this way.  I've generally avoided talking about the worst experiences I've had in my posts here, but this is an interesting and odd one.  As I have mentioned, there is no malice, and folks are very apologetic and contrite when I point out the misgendering.  Honestly, I think they be trying too hard.

Bear in mind that I interact with these folks much more than a visitor would, typically 10-15 hours a week.  Further, this happened at a charity auction where wine was flowing freely (which improves the bidding!).

[Jessica]

@Michelle_P

I'm sorry that this has impacted you this way.  I've generally avoided talking about the worst experiences I've had in my posts here, but this is an interesting and odd one.  As I have mentioned, there is no malice, and folks are very apologetic and contrite when I point out the misgendering.  Honestly, I think they be trying too hard.

Bear in mind that I interact with these folks much more than a visitor would, typically 10-15 hours a week.  Further, this happened at a charity auction where wine was flowing freely (which improves the bidding!).

Michelle, I'd be fine if they misgendered me (maybe)... I don't pass.....I know it, but you do and malice or not, I think they aren't trying hard enough.  I won't go beyond that, because in truth they are your friends and that alone demands respect.  Though the church should have done more to promote your classes. 

Hugs and smiles

[JudiBlueEyes]

Unfortunately they know you are transgender and just can't get it out of their minds.  Stepping back little may be a good idea, or more drastic, moving to a different church and starting over as Michelle (only). 

OK girl, how did you make those mini spaghetti and meatball treats?   They make me hungry just looking at them.

Judi

[Michelle_P]

Unfortunately they know you are transgender and just can't get it out of their minds.  Stepping back little may be a good idea, or more drastic, moving to a different church and starting over as Michelle (only).

Yes, I keep coming back to that.  Yet, this is supposed to be a flagship church in LGBTQ welcoming and acceptance!

OK girl, how did you make those mini spaghetti and meatball treats?   They make me hungry just looking at them.

Pretty easy, really.  Capellini pasta, aka "angel hair", cooked and rinsed in cold water, then tossed with egg whites and grated Parmesan and mozzarella.  Then I put it into greased/sprayed mini-muffin tins, sort or winding the strands around the edge of the wells and making that cup shape.  Bake at 400 F for 15 minutes or so, til the cups just start to turn golden brown on top.

Meanwhile I just put a bag of 40 cocktail meatballs in a cup of marinara, heated in a covered pan on the stove.  When the cups were done, I plated them and popped a marinara coated meatball on top.  Garnish with more grated Parmesan. 

For 35-40 spaghetti and meatball treats:

7 oz Capellini pasta
3 egg whites
1/4 cup grated Parmesan plus a bit for plating
1/4 cup shredded mozzarella
1 bag of about 40 cocktail or mini meatballs
1 cup marinara sauce

[JudiBlueEyes]

Thanks Michelle!  It does sound easy.

[Faith]

Unfortunately they know you are transgender and just can't get it out of their minds.  Stepping back little may be a good idea, or more drastic, moving to a different church and starting over as Michelle (only). 
Judi

Yes, I keep coming back to that.  Yet, this is supposed to be a flagship church in LGBTQ welcoming and acceptance! ...

What I've noticed, from my own observations, is pronouns are used based on perception .. until .. someone says transgender. Then their brains do a flip and they use those other ones. It's a subconscious thing most times. Very frustrating.

just my 2 cents and, considering inflation, it's worthless.

[Michelle_P]

What I've noticed, from my own observations, is pronouns are used based on perception .. until .. someone says transgender. Then their brains do a flip and they use those other ones. It's a subconscious thing most times. Very frustrating.

Exactly.  All of a sudden they know that this woman is a transgender person, and at some level that thought of a 'dude in a dress' pops into their heads.  Too much Milton Berle and Flip "Geraldine" Wilson growing up, likely.

Frustrating and annoying.

[Faith]

Exactly.  All of a sudden they know that this woman is a transgender person, and at some level that thought of a 'dude in a dress' pops into their heads.  Too much Milton Berle and Flip "Geraldine" Wilson growing up, likely.

Frustrating and annoying.

am I old if I know both of those names?

[Donica]

I would have to agree that it is because they know you as trans. Most older folks don't understand what it is to be trans. I don't blame them because after all, It was taboo back in the day and you may be their first encounter with a trans person. Even though they may be accepting of you, most will not bother to educate themselves. They may never realize that they should use different pronouns.

Donica.