An update on me...

[Michelle_P]

For the curious, I have been putting longer commentaries over on my blog (See signature).  Some of these may eventually be expanded to book chapters.

Today i'M heading off to visit a brother and one of my nephews and their family, after visiting another nephew and family last night.  This weekend is also @Laurie 's first meetings with my family in this region!

[Jessica]

Wonderful, bringing your sweetheart to meet family is a big step!

[LizK]

I should think it's obvious why dinner took so long ..all that lip wrestling lol


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[Michelle_P]

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

[LizK]

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

Hi Michelle

Well it sounds like you have every reason to feel the way you do...You appear to me to be a woman in every way so I am not sure what they think they can see but its more about being rude than anything else.

I hope you are feeling better about things soon


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[ChrissyRyan]

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

A little kindness goes a long way, doesn't it?

Chrissy

[Northern Star Girl]

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

@Michelle_P
My dear Michelle:
What you described is such a bad and personally disturbing situation that you have gone through.  Bear in mind that we in no way can control what others say, but we can control how we react and respond. 
It is definitely easier said than done, but I am thinking that ignoring and putting it out of your mind and continuing to move forward is the correct next actions that you can consider.

I can fully understand your resultant bad mood, including some other personal "forums situations" that have recently gone on, I don't think that even copious amounts of chocolate will help right now.   Being with your loved ones and/or sweetheart might be a good move for you right now.

Regarding your associating with the broader transgender community, it has certainly presented pitfalls for you personally as you reported.... but I am certain that painting it with such a broad brush as to state that you are "not sure that you want to associate with the broader transgender community any more" is not a wise course to follow. 

Stay out there full-time, stick with your present accepting friends in your transgender circles, there are obviously good friends there....., develop a new circle of friends and acquaintances through your continuing efforts as a transgender advocate, and public speaker. 

You have demonstrated your key  abilities to promote the transgender cause, please don't let ignorant and rude individuals, even if there are some that are involved in the broader transgender community, ruin and destroy what has been a long and arduous journey for you. 
Even in non transgender relationships among men and women there will be found disagreeable people that should be kept far away. 
Continue believing in yourself and cherish the many successful trans-woman moments that you have experienced... there will certainly be more to come.

Hang in there girl, I will be following up with you again very soon.
Giant and tight HUGS,
Danielle

[Faith]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I thought about trimming the quote so as to not plaster the board with it.

There is no excuse for people to act in that manner. Agreement doesn't matter, common civility does. I have seen heard a lot of the world doing similar. Being trans is only one target, it seems that anyone different than them has the target. (pick the them, pick the target)

That crowd may sound loud, I firmly believe it's a smaller crowd than it used to be. As the get squeezed into their own fringes they all get louder and louder. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I was going to post a metaphor  about atoms, electrons and such. I realized that I am no scientist and high school was a long time ago.

It's not time to hide, it is time to push aside those with negative views.

hugs
Faith

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

[Shy]

I don't like to see you like this Michelle. I can't help with what's been going on in your life but I can offer my support and best wishes for you and yours. You're doing so good, you look amazing.

You have a kind, open spirit, a matriarch to many of us who have had the pleasure to grow and learn from your insights and experience. Sharing a life so publicly has taken courage and fortitude, i certainly recognise that in you and thank you for it.
Sometimes the world just shouts in every direction doesn't it? It will pass, try not to let the negative stuff take root. Be true to who you are, hold onto your values and core beliefs. Be what make you, you not what someone else thinks you should be.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Anne Blake]

Michelle,

Please remember and know that you are loved by so many for who you truly are!

Your sister,
Tia Anne

[Michelle_P]

I'm psychically drained right now.  I'm taking some time offline, just reading some fiction, doing some writing and thinking, and enjoying long walks with my girlfriend.

Please give me a few days to recharge and recover a bit, and I may be able to handle the demands of life here a bit better.

[Northern Star Girl]

I'm psychically drained right now.  I'm taking some time offline, just reading some fiction, doing some writing and thinking, and enjoying long walks with my girlfriend.

Please give me a few days to recharge and recover a bit, and I may be able to handle the demands of life here a bit better.

@Michelle_P
My dear Michelle:
You are not alone in being physically drained... for me I am not as much physically drained as I am mentally drained for various reasons that I won't go in to.   Either way, mentally or physically, these things can take a real toll on our well-being and mood.
I am hoping that you get your much needed rest and relaxation and return to your "happy place" here on the forums with all of your friends and followers.  We are your biggest fans and we are rooting for you.

Whenever I log-in to the forums, your thread is on my "bookmarks" list and I always check in on you to read what you have to say regarding your life journey.

Hugs and well wishes as always......
Danielle

[Jessica]

"Resilience must continuously be refreshed and recommitted to.  Every effort at resilience buys us not certainty, but another day, another chance.  Every day is day one."

Call me Michelle when you've re-energized, I would like to talk.
Your girlfriend's little sister 💕



cc: @Michelle_P

[Sinclair]

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

Hi Michelle. One thing I have learned in life is that no matter how old we are High School type BS never really ends. It's tribal, clickish, etc. Just as we did in HS, it's helpful to find your own click within your own community. I have given up on parts of the larger LGB community and have withdrawn a bit as you have suggested you may do. Even in the trans community there are clicks that dissociate with others in the same situation. I can say that I'm in your click and would be happy to sit at the lunch table with you.  Best wishes.

[Donica]

One of those days.  I've been misgendered, told I'm neither man nor woman, and insulted by what I thought was my own community.  Others close to me have been harmed.

I am in a very, very bad mood.

Right now I am strongly inclined to just go stealth, and once my last surgeries are done in March, to disappear into the woodwork.  Perhaps in several years it may be safe to be trans again, but right now, between the 'not trans enough', 'not a real woman', and 'dude in a dress' crowds, the intolerance, lack of acceptance, and backstabbing, I'm not sure I want to associate with the broader transgender community any more.

Why do we have to be so damn cruel to one another?

Dear Michelle!
It's not you hun! It's the stupid's, the not you's, the bully you's that think it makes them look cute's, uneducated that lack even just two good brain cells to rub together, the few that just happen to be there by chance, the overly religious that lost track of why they even bother with religion, the self-righteous. It's their problem, not yours. It is their loss, and from what I've learned from you, It's a huge loss. The people that treat you like this are not your friends. Maybe it's just time to hang with a higher class of people and leave the not you's behind.

Hugs girl!
Donica.

[Michelle_P]

Much of what is going on, with me, with our community, and with the Othering, the social pressure put on marginalized people, stems from the triumph of ideology over humanity.

"Ideology corrupts caring, idealistic, educated, and intelligent people ... and turns some of them into monsters. Ideologies breed dogmatic thinking and lazy, decoder-ring policy analysis. They encourage motivated cognition. They give birth to excessive certainty, crowding out healthy intellectual skepticism. They moralize political conflict in an unhealthy fashion, yielding incivility, extremism, and social discord. They ignore the complexities of the modern world."

https://niskanencenter.org/blog/the-alternative-to-ideology/
OCTOBER 29, 2018
THE ALTERNATIVE TO IDEOLOGY
BY JERRY TAYLOR

[Donica]

Precisely my sentiments. Thanks for the link Michelle. I don't know the level of intelligence the people that treat you this way posses. Would it be safe to say ideology is stupidity? I always find it's the intelligent people that find this type of behavior useless and unproductive. 

[Donica]

I apologize for stating the obvious Michelle! I'm just venting. I'm dealing with a overly religious zealot gossip queen next door neighbor. I'm sure you know the type. "I'm smart. I read the Bible. I know things you don't know. Why I done gradgiated the six grade. I even sat next to Jethro Bodine in class. I can prove my edgeecasun cuz I got a gradgiated hat at the 7-11 down the street."
Hugs,
Donica.

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[LizK]

I apologize for stating the obvious Michelle! I'm just venting. I'm dealing with a overly religious zealot gossip queen next door neighbor. I'm sure you know the type. "I'm smart. I read the Bible. I know things you don't know. Why I done gradgiated the six grade. I even sat next to Jethro Bodine in class. I can prove my edgeecasun cuz I got a gradgiated hat at the 7-11 down the street."
Hugs,
Donica.

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[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

I dont mean to make light of your situation but your description was priceless


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[Michelle_P]

I'm working on a longer article on identity, including gender, and the conflicts between factions under the transgender umbrella over identity, assignment of identity by others, and the ideological filters used by many to replace introspection, thought, and consideration.  I think this will wind up around 2,500 words, and will probably appear first on my blog.

I've been recharging, getting more spoons, and am feeling better.  I did get whacked again yesterday by someone who was once dear to me, which now means I need to be very careful in any contact, unfortunately. 

I've done a few interesting things recently while hanging out with my girlfriend.  She got me a couple of hours with her electrologist (Mine has retired), so after 6 weeks off, i went under the needle again.  Fully cleared in an hour and forty minutes!  Yaaaay!  This helped my mood.  We went out to dinner nearby and shared another romantic meal and dessert together.  Desserts are my downfall, I'm afraid.



We also spent a day north of here, shopping, playing tourist, enjoying a shared meal, and visiting with friends, one of whom I already knew, and two great people I was very happy to meet, and whose company and hospitality I enjoyed.



I'm feeling better now, and will probably be returning to more community activity around me for the near future.