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Can your sexuality change after transition?

Started by transnztal, October 22, 2016, 11:23:07 AM

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transnztal

I've seen people say it's possible your sexuality can change after transition and heard others say it can't change. Perhaps it has to do with hormones in brain changing? I know many transgender females that likes males previously and still like them now. But I've seen a transgender girl who was formally a gay male and she transitioned into a woman and now has a girlfriend? I'm curious on everyone's experience with their sexuality after transitioning? I'm 21 and have been medically transitioning for two years now I formally a gay male now I'm a straight woman. I'm not attracted to women but I don't feel as attracted to men anymore like I used to perhaps it's just my sex drive is lower? Sometimes I feel asexual and I hate it because I want to have a healthy sex life. I would say sometimes I have sexual desire and sometimes I don't.
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Dena

Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
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Amanda_Combs

Science says that hormones won't change your sexuality.  That doesn't mean that it won't change.  In my opinion, it all depends on  how you are naturally inclined and how comfortable you are with it.  That's why I have always believed in serious questioning of your sexuality.  I've thought to myself, "could you be attracted to women?  What about men?  Does it matter?"  And my conclusion was that I'm a gynophillic demi-sexual.  But if you've been taught that your sexuality is wrong because of your gender; and then that gender changes, you could easily find yourself attracted to new people.  But overall, I would advise you the same as I would anyone.  Do not get caught up on gender or sexuality, because they are both purely taxonomical and fluid.  Just be you, and if you're attracted to someone, that's cool. [emoji41] Anything else just puts more nonsense in your way.


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Higher, faster, further, more
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Elis

Sexuality is something you're born with. Transitioning simply causes you to be more honest with yourself and to have more introspection. Plus HRT will likely lessen dysphoria causing you to think much more clearly bcos you don't have that distracting mental distress constantly.

Additionally I only felt attracted to men once I realised I was trans and could also be a man in the relationship. I think the same thing happens with a lot of trans men and vice versa with trans women.

From experience.
They/them pronouns preferred.



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transnztal

I have never hid my sexuality or been ashamed of anything I was proud to like men when I was make but now I'm female and I don't get turned on by them that much anymore? If I feel a girls boob or kiss a girl it doesn't do anything for me either that's why I'm thinking it may just be a sex drive or just because of stress and dysphoria that I'm turned off from sex in general right now. As a gay male I dreamed of being with any guy I want and now I could have almost any guy I want I have many many takers but I don't even care anymore? Perhaps it's a you always want what you can't have type of thing. I also don't have a make sex drive. I wouldn't be grossed out by being with a woman at all it just wouldn't turn me on. I'm getting SRS very soon that's why I hope to get my old sex life back
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Elis

Quote from: Virginia Hall on October 22, 2016, 05:07:11 PM
Are you saying a neonate has sexuality? Likely you mean something different.

My experience is different than yours.  I do not think I was "dishonest" with myself. If I had wanted to sleep with men when I was younger, I would have done it. In my case, nothing to do with truth or not-truth.

I meant the whole picture of our sexuality becomes clear once we transition. Before transitioning we can only see fragments but once we're more comfortable within ourself we can fully understand exactly what our sexuality is as it's always been buried in our brains somewhere since we were born; we just couldn't access it.

And I didn't mean dishonest on purpose. I meant sometimes we withhold the full truth from ourselves because we don't want to face it or because we have other things occupying our brains. This could be sexuality, gender identity or a lot of different things.
They/them pronouns preferred.



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Amanda_Combs

Quote from: Virginia Hall on October 22, 2016, 05:00:13 PM
Science also used to say that the Earth was the center of the universe, that bloodletting and leeches cured diseases, that the atom could not be split, and that homosexuality was a mental illness.

Much hunch is that the theory "hormones do not affect behavior" will turn out to not be quit true.
I couldn't agree more.  The only one that can tell you your sexuality is you.  We can examine it all we want, but that's just an attempt to explain what each individual already knows as truth.
Higher, faster, further, more
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kelly_aus

Quote from: Virginia Hall on October 22, 2016, 05:00:13 PM
Science also used to say that the Earth was the center of the universe, that bloodletting and leeches cured diseases, that the atom could not be split, and that homosexuality was a mental illness.

Much hunch is that the theory "hormones do not affect behavior" will turn out to not be quit true.

Never mind that it has been tried as part of reparative therapy and didn't work.. Never mind that the studies done then showed it wouldn't work..

Also, the apparent change in preference can happen in those that don't take hormones, which is also something to think about..
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Sophia Sage

It seems to me that a full sex change necessarily changes sexuality!
What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.
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JLT1

  Most of us have some gender bias with regards to attraction.  However, how much of my being attracted to women had to do with me trying to fit into expectations and to utilize physical equipment?  Now that much of that has changed am I  not also able to get rid of the expectations?  Am I not free to be me?

In the end, we love whom we love.

Hugs

Jen
To move forward is to leave behind that which has become dear. It is a call into the wild, into becoming someone currently unknown to us. For most, it is a call too frightening and too challenging to heed. For some, it is a call to be more than we were capable of being, both now and in the future.
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pretty pauline

This question has been asked time and time again here  '' Can your sexuality change after transition?''  Some agree and disagree if it's down to hormones, 
Quote from: transnztal on October 22, 2016, 11:23:07 AM
I've seen people say it's possible your sexuality can change after transition and heard others say it can't change. Perhaps it has to do with hormones in brain changing?
We can only post our own experiences, my sexuality or orientation did completely change after transition, before transition the idea or the thoughts of being intimate with a man completely grossed me out, it was repulsive to me, ugh! Yucky. Being with a woman felt right.
Then as transition progressed and men's attitude started to changed towards me and finding me cute and attractive, I began to see and be attracted to men in a new way, my attraction to women completely faded, I found it very unnerving at first, but I went with the feelings I didn't resist or fight it, then my first date with a guy, holding hands with my first boyfriend felt a bit weird, then that moment when he kiss me, not just an ordinary kiss but a proper boyfriend / girlfriend kiss with his tongue in my mouth, it was like ''omg I'm kissing a man''
With transition complete it just feels right for me to be with a man, absolutely no interest in being intimate with a woman, I'm now a straight female, but I could never see myself intimate with a man if I was still a man, I guess I'm straight and have always been straight, I did eventually marry a man, we're now just a normal typical husband and wife.
That's the best way I can explain it, I hope you can make sense of all that.
If your going thru hell, just keep going.
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Sophia Sage

So, just to dig into this question a bit more deeply...

Why is "orientation" and "sexuality" so often defined in terms of who we are attracted to?  It's a very objectifying construction, but more obviously, it doesn't really take into account all parties concerned.  If someone with a penis is attracted to someone with a vagina, we typically call this heterosexual, though the person with the penis, identifying as female, might consider herself lesbian.  And then all these changes happen, not the least that she gets a vagina, but now she discovers she's no longer interested in sex with women, she wants sex with men, or at the very least with penises.  And now the sex once more is heterosexual, though some others -- believing that birth assignment takes precedence -- would say that she's gay, though she'd probably only agree if her partner was a pre-op or non-op transwoman. 

Even if you attracted to same sort of person before and after transition, if you change sex you're also changing your orientation from gay to straight, or vice-versa.  And likewise, if the people you're attracted to switches up through transition, you end up still being straight or gay.  Which is to say, something or another is going to change.  Because you are changing in a deeply fundamental way, at least in terms of how we categorize sexuality.

Not to say that there aren't orientations that can't stay rock solid.  If you're asexual before, and asexual after, no change.  If you're pansexual before, and pansexual after, no change.  But these are all or nothing sort of cases.

In the end, it's impossible to predict how your sexuality will turn out after undergoing transition.  Transition is all about change.  You won't really know what you're like until you come out the other side.  Best, I think, to just be open minded about it, because I don't think it's really something we get to choose in terms of our interiority.  Which obviously should be a pretty familiar feeling to most of us here.

What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.
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Mia

Quote from: Dena on October 22, 2016, 03:05:50 PM
You might want to look at the following thread.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215499

I second Dena's recommendation - same discussion, different thread...but only a few days apart.

Mia
Mia


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