Family hate

[Kensi]

The hate of ones own friends and family against sexual orientation and races. I was raised in a southern family with a great grandfather who calls black people headhunters every day, a grandfather who believes all gay people should be disowned and are child molesters, a father who all my child hood told me to toughen up, stop crying, and be a man. These are only a small portion of the reason I have hid and tried to be train myself to be more masculine. Even though you love the shirt with the flowers on it instead get the one with a football.
All of these things can be easily disproven yet, they will not listen to reason... At one point I move away to Colorado for a winter season to finally be myself. I enjoyed being openly gay however would always come back to my home in Florida. Always searching for that possible happiness.
I had a few friends who understood who I was. I have always not changed because I would lose and disappoint many who are close to me. although at this point, I am gonna lose myself if I continue to follow the path of hiding who I am from the world. who knows maybe some will support me....

[Dena]

Even in the south you can find acceptance. I can understand the draw of family as I have it as well but you may have to find a way to isolate yourself from the abrasive nature of your family. I would suggest you try visiting your local LGBT community and see what resources are available. In addition some sessions wth a gender therapist may help you put your live into perspective. Many of us spend year hiding from ourself in pain avoiding our issues when we will have to face them sooner or latter. With inter strength, I suspect you will be able to balance your life and find the happiness you desire.

[Lady Sarah]

I don't care where you go on this planet. You can find hate and ignorance everywhere. You can also find love and understanding everywhere. When it's your own family and friends being ignorant and hateful, it will hurt more than ever. I feel lucky to have family that understands and loves me. I also know what the flip side is like, because my adoptive family was so bad that I got kicked out of the house before adolescence. They were afraid of what others would think of their little boy looking like a little girl. Some times, it's best to move on with your life, and get away from the bad.

[Tessa James]

Hey EM,

That sounds like a too familiar family situation and part of what kept me in one closet or another.  I am old enough to recognize my orientation and identity have remained whether I was able to own it or not.  Fear, shame and denial can contribute to our isolation.  In isolation fears can be magnified.  I was one of those who was certain that ridicule would be the basis of my life if I came out.  Picture the pitchforks and torches. 

It took years for some of my immediate family to grudgingly come around.  I didn't wait for their approval and my real friends remain true.  I like your last lines best and was left in tears not by the haters but by the number of people who offered their love, support and efforts to understand.  You can find support but it takes strength to be vulnerable and own our truth.  You can do this!

[LizK]

I have had huge problems with my family...and by that I mean Brothers Parents etc. I am in my early 50's. I found out awhile back that they had all been lying to me and that they were freaked out about me and my transition...they are in their 70's after all. When I confronted them they claimed they had misread what I had said in my letter and that they were fine. I must have been mistaken with what my brother told me. I must have gotten "confused" I have given up on the lot of them...I keep the door ajar but if it ever slams shut...meh! The worst is that periodically my Father wants to Skype call me which usually ends up with him being really insulting...(without him necessarily even realising) so it gets a bit tiresome.

I love them all because they are my blood, doesn't mean I have to like them, but I don't think they have the capacity to understand me, they live in such a small minded insular world. I don't hate them I do get angry but after some time passes even that loses its impact. My brothers are both intelligent well paid executives and should know better.

Liz