So my wife told my stepson

[josie76]

I'll start off by saying I just need to vent. It's been barely two weeks since I told my wife what I felt inside. She has been amazingly supportive but has had times of her own depression. Our relationship will never be the same. I understand that she feels that life as she expected it is not the same now. Anyway the other night she was home alone while I had the kids at a Halloween party for their classmates. She got to feeling angry and reached out to my 22 year old stepson to vent her feelings to. Apparently he took it all well. He has trans couple that are friends in his age group. I haven't talked it over with him yet  , and he hasn't said anything.

I know she felt like he was someone she could vent her frustration to and she is sorry for telling him but I don't fell like I have a safe person to tell my feelings to anymore. I feel like I have to suck it up and bury it all just to get through each day now  . Like I'm on my own.

I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor who has worked with LBGT before. I need that right now.
Just venting here. Thanks everyone. I'm so happy I found this place.
Josie

[bluepaint]

hi Josie, theres a lot of good sharing here, many of us have walked similar paths and the folks are very supportive !


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[yashika_1989]

Hi Josie,

I can understand how you would be feeling. However, consider how supportive she has been. This is not a big change/transition for you alone, but also for her. For her to havie had kept this to herself would have been very difficult. And probably she is unable to talk about her concerns with you so that she wouldn't demotivate you. Probably your stepson was the only person she could share her emotions with.

I am quite glad you joined this site. It has got a lot to offer. I wish all the best to you. I suggest you talk to a counsellor as you mentioned, if you feel that's the best thing to do.

[DawnOday]

I know from keeping secrets all my life, what a relief getting it out there is. It's nice not carrying that 800 lb monkey on your back

[Rachel]

I go to group and have a therapist to share with. I also have a lot of work friends. It sounds like you need to build a support network.

[josie76]

Yashika, I definitely am keeping in mind just how open and supportive she has been. I'm also trying to keep in mind just how difficult this is for her. It is a life changing event after all. It can just be hard some days. I think we talked a lot out yesterday and I'm feeling much better. I still feel I need to talk about it with my son, just not sure when that's going to happen just yet.

Going to try a few more counsellors offices today. Try to find one that takes insurance.

Thank you everyone for the support. Just made me cry thinking how thankful I am for it. A big hug to you all!

[Jacqueline]

At the same time this is scary. Sometimes you do need to vent. I am glad you can also find ways to be grateful.

good luck.

It is not an easy path for anyone.

With warmth,

Joanna

[SailorMars1994]

Everyone needs to vent at times. Its only healthy, still good on ya for all you have done . In my opinion you are quite strong, im 22, single, ect and can almost never keep my cool when i have to deal with ''him''.... im only part time trans myself and live in a small conservative minded town

[cheryl reeves]

17 yrs ago when I came out fully to my wife she asked if she could tell her sister,I was fine with that for my wife had someone to talk to,her sister was more accepting then she was at the time and helped her get over the hurdles. Sometimes out SO need someone they can talk to.

[kathb31]

Like Cheryl, after I told my wife she was very anxious for me to tell our two
daughters (which I did within a month). She very much wanted someone
to talk to about things. I know it's not good when you don't feel in control of who knows
about you, but it sounds like it could be positive since he seems accepting and
coming out can be a great release .. ending all the hiding you've probably done of
the real you.

[Rebecca]

It can be hard to feel alone especially when at least for a time you no longer have your wife. Allowing that space to sort out her own feelings hurts and leaves you in a vacuum.

You definitely need at least one person to spill your guts too. Fortunately my 12 yo DD was insanely amazing and filled that void for me I definitely wouldn't have made it back without her.

When you need to get something out your head even if just to convince yourself you're not crazy or feeling weak or fake you need someone. If you can't find a real person the net is the next best thing.

Susans is a fun place to hang out and there are lots of nice people around.

[Janes Groove]

Venting is good. The kind of pressure we face when we are totally alone and in the closet with our fears is unbelievable.  Our bodies are a container that is not built for those high psi's.  Eventually the pressure WILL cause the rivets to start to pop.  Think of old submarine movies where the ship just keeps sinking deeper and deeper and deeper into the ocean and the pressure just keeps building and building and building until the hull starts to creak because it just wasn't build to stand that kind of pressure.

By all means. A good gender therapist. A real life trans support group. That's how you take the pressure off.

[Rebecca]

Wonderful analogy Jane I love the way you think ♡

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[Deborah]

The first time my wife found I was cross dressing she told both my kids.  She told them I was gay and a pervert, and went on for hours and days with things much worse than that.  My children were about 10 and 12 at the time.

The world did not end and now nearly 20 years later we are still one family.

Actually, I don't think it really affected my relationship with my children at all.   


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

[Rebecca]

Children are amazing and are immeasurably adaptable.

For me and the kids my relationship with all has improved dramatically so everyone loves me and nobody misses him. I love it and so glad to hear others enjoying the same good fortune.