stressed about sex

[groudon18]

lately it just feels like there is no winning. and what's worse is i'm worried my bf thinks it's his fault but i never know how to explain, i am so much better at getting my feelings out in written word and not out loud.

i'll feel bad about not having a penis every time i see a picture/gif/art/whatever of a naked man, especially if i am with my boyfriend. and then at the same time i feel bad my front hole just won't devirginize (no matter how wet i am and with lube we use it just won't open up enough for him to get in) i like the idea of using my front hole and i feel pleasure there + i am a natural bottom so i want it to work. i have no interest in anal. i feel like garbage when i see a pic or think of ""normal"" men posed butt up, because you can see the balls and erection hanging down that i don't have.

i feel so over sensitive and i hate it so much. literally either way i get irritable and depressed about sex. i feel like i can't have a sex life. i want to have sex but i don't. my boyfriend is very sweet and understanding and has never made me feel bad about any of this himself, but i can't help but feel i'm disappointing him and i feel like my thinking that is from a lifetime of always feeling like im disapoointing people + that i can't just be normal about sex.

i just want to feel normal. i hate the thought of admitting these things to him out loud because i hate acknowledging that im different, even though it's obvious to us both, and even though he has never made me feel different from a ""normal"" cis man. i know i'm incredibly lucky to have such an understanding partner and i hate that despite that i still just clam up when it comes to me accepting and admitting out loud the reality of how i feel and think of my body vs cis men bodies.

i don't feel like there's reall any advice for it. i've been talking to my therapist about it the last few sessions anyway. i just feel better talking in written word and needed to get it out. i am so sad. i don't know why i can't get over it. i can't even necessarily say if it's bottom dysphoria; i mean, it is, but that's not even all of it. i don't plan on bottom surgery, i would enjoy using my front hole in sex if it would just WORK!!! because even THAT won't work normally!!! sometimes i wish i had both sets of genitals. it would hurt so much less.

[SadieBlake]

Lookup vaginismus. I was once with a girl who sounds like you albeit for different reasons.

WebMD suggests therapy as well as doing kegels and learning control of your pelvic floor muscles, perhaps alone to allow you to feel comfortable. I use my <sheenis> for mutual pleasure and it can be a mixed bag but I think it's worth exploring to learn to get pleasure if possible while deciding on your longer term plans.

[SueNZ]

lately it just feels like there is no winning. and what's worse is i'm worried my bf thinks it's his fault but i never know how to explain, i am so much better at getting my feelings out in written word and not out loud.

i'll feel bad about not having a penis every time i see a picture/gif/art/whatever of a naked man, especially if i am with my boyfriend. and then at the same time i feel bad my front hole just won't devirginize (no matter how wet i am and with lube we use it just won't open up enough for him to get in) i like the idea of using my front hole and i feel pleasure there + i am a natural bottom so i want it to work. i have no interest in anal. i feel like garbage when i see a pic or think of ""normal"" men posed butt up, because you can see the balls and erection hanging down that i don't have.

i feel so over sensitive and i hate it so much. literally either way i get irritable and depressed about sex. i feel like i can't have a sex life. i want to have sex but i don't. my boyfriend is very sweet and understanding and has never made me feel bad about any of this himself, but i can't help but feel i'm disappointing him and i feel like my thinking that is from a lifetime of always feeling like im disapoointing people + that i can't just be normal about sex.

i just want to feel normal. i hate the thought of admitting these things to him out loud because i hate acknowledging that im different, even though it's obvious to us both, and even though he has never made me feel different from a ""normal"" cis man. i know i'm incredibly lucky to have such an understanding partner and i hate that despite that i still just clam up when it comes to me accepting and admitting out loud the reality of how i feel and think of my body vs cis men bodies.

i don't feel like there's reall any advice for it. i've been talking to my therapist about it the last few sessions anyway. i just feel better talking in written word and needed to get it out. i am so sad. i don't know why i can't get over it. i can't even necessarily say if it's bottom dysphoria; i mean, it is, but that's not even all of it. i don't plan on bottom surgery, i would enjoy using my front hole in sex if it would just WORK!!! because even THAT won't work normally!!! sometimes i wish i had both sets of genitals. it would hurt so much less.

It is sooo hard being who you can't be. From what you have written, I guess you and your partner don't talk a lot?
I keep my feelings suppressed as I know the outcome, so avoid the conflict. Therefore I accept, so no compromise. Once I feel comfortable to disclose my feelings then I will. My wife wants a man, so therefore I am not her desire. We love each other yet our future is uncertain.
Relationships are how you mesh and compromise.
When you can, lay your heart out and see if you mesh, if not, then spend time and effort to find them.
Maybe if you do this better by writing then do just that, and being ready for questions.


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