Telling your SO is the hardest thing to do.
Expect her to have very strong emotions about it. She may feel bad that you have hidden it away for so long and be supportive but also expect she will feel lied to in that her life is now nothing like what she came to expect each day and grief in that she may feel the male person you presented has died or that the relationship ending abruptly leaving her feeling alone in some ways.
I don't know if there is a good way to do it. I personally was overcome with the need to tell my wife of 10 years one night. I woke her up and started spilling my emotions and memories out to her. In the few weeks since she has begrudgingly accepted my need to move forward but with some resentment on changes not being up to her. I understand her feelings. From my side I can only keep my feelings "on" if you will, if I know I can move forward in being my true self when I feel it's time to do so. That sounds very selfish I know. While I can't explain the need to her, or even my therapist in a way that makes logical sense, it seems many of us feel this way. My best explaination is that I feel freedom for the first time in my existence. Being told I cannot be my true self is just putting me in another cage but this time being put there by someone other than myself. For me the only other choice is to mentally check out again and just try not to get so depressed as to do something stupid until old age would take me.
What you are about to do is going to upset your current status quo terribly. Be prepared for it. Also keep in mind you have dealt with these feelings for a long time. For her it is likely a complete surprise. I wish you the best and a big hug to you girl!
