This is long, my "recommendation" (you need to make your own unique choices) is at the end of this post, and is really just a list of my general trajectory with hair removal. With that said, the following background is based on what I sense if your trepidation...
I can really appreciate the stymying effects of "crippling fear" in the journey. Your thoughts remind me of what my situation was like...
More than a decade ago, I really wanted to experience hair removal because I knew I wanted it, but it was at odds with how I knew I needed to look not to be put into a "bad" bucket defined by our society, friends, influences. I finally got to the point of shaving my arms and legs because I just had to try it... but that had me petrified anyone would see during the following work week, so I wore long sleeve business shirts and all that. Pretty much, I don't think anyone knew. But that was only a few times... I was too afraid to have it become part of my regular regime because it would certainly be exposed at some point, like going to the beach or something.
After more than a decade of that sort of thing now and then with purging and closeted this/that, and lots of pointless painful diploratories, I started to revisit hair removal again a few years ago. This time I navigated to a local care provider's laser hair removal several times over about a year. I was again petrified, this time about calling them to even ask questions.
That is what we call repression.
I finally did call, feeling a little frightened and embarrassed but I just had to go, and the person answering the call, who ended up doing all of my laser sessions, was so welcoming and informative. If memory serves me correctly, she was my first supportive trans care provider. The night before that first session I had the typical fear which gets me to second-guess what I'm doing and all that. I had gotten within inches of a rhinoplasty in the 90s but couldn't unwrap from a lot of conflicting input connected with meeting expectations of others.
I could see those "night before" feelings were the same thing... those negative thoughts weren't going to "work" this time. But what were they? What were those feelings? (more on this below)
I went to that first appointment, that care provider so so wonderful. A beautiful person who I will always remember and cherish as a much needed enabler of sorts (we usually use that word "enabler" in a bad way, but I have learned I really need enablement... and I accept such with full responsibility... that is key... each of us has to accept full responsibility for our decisions, but that doesn't mean enablement is a bad thing either).
So there I am sitting on the laser table and wondering "is this right?" etc. ... but it's important to say that was a logical thought whose power (expectations of others) was diminishing for various good reasons... so I was just left with this uncertain but positive feeling which was ultimately certain. (again, more on this below)
The first laser zap occurred and at that exact moment I knew THIS WAS EXACTLY THE THING I SHOULD HAVE DONE YEARS AGO!
There was no going back. I was finally being an autonomous person not at the mercy of the expectations of others... and I knew it was right, and I was so utterly happy. It was a huge relief, something was being fixed/righted, and it was something of a religious experience. It was the beginning of removing the shackles which prevented me from seeing I could be more feminine. It was against so many expectations of society, yet it was correct. Society's norms are not always right, perhaps oft incorrect.
So I kept saying "more on this" above... here's what I've learned so far about transitional decsions: I can never know that any decision will be a certain win in advance.
What I really learned: With so many life decisions, there is often not certainty that the decision will be the best thing. This may seem simple to many, so why was I learning this at that time? Well, living trying to please others and live up the expectations of others for many decades, I got into the habit of avoiding taking risks with big life decisions by not making them myself, but by seeking input in a way where I was ultimately not making the choice.
Now here's the tricky part: I talked about enablement above... I think that can actually be good, if not necessary, but there's a difference between having positive support for a decision I make, and my seeking an answer I don't wish to make on my own when I really should. It's subtle but for me one of the big wins of transition is finally becoming a person who can make the call on what I think is right for my own life. I say to many, I've spent much of my life on life's couch. It's sad but that's my deck of cards and so I'm now picking up the pieces and it all began with my making decisions that were removed from getting growth-stunting answers from society's numbing hollow expectations rather than my own self.
It's a great skill, and one people should seek to achieve, to be able to hear the input of others, but to really be able to get in touch with one's own decision and move on that, perhaps using the input.
In my case, I was largely behaving by fitting into boxes defined by others, disregarding my soul's calls, and only doing things that got a stamp of approval. This is such a poisonous stance. I am extremely fortunate to have found the antidote: Not rejecting the input and influences of others, but maturely considering them and then truly making my own decision, even if I'm uncertain about that choice's outcome. This latter clause so so important...
The other big lesson: Because of the aforementioned dysfunction, I was not accustomed to the process of making a decision and being uncertain. People who want to move forward with any life exploration, from transition, to simply buying a new car or house or whatever... people who want to move forward with decisions like that often have the understanding that it's okay to make a choice and not be 100% certain. That is because of one simple fact: There is often no certainty with many life decisions, especially big life decisions, and avoiding uncertainty by having others implicitly make decisions for oneself is effectively a decision, and it is actually
not one without uncertainty... I'd even say more uncertainty one will be unhappy while certainty that same one will make others happy by living life as a hollow caricature or " checked box" to please the expectations of others.
Okay, so that was long-winded, and perhaps I wrote it more so because I needed to express and share that. So
let me thank you for your post which prompted that!
Here's what I'll say: I was frightened and went for full body laser removal and it was great, but it was after many painful years of avoiding it. I tried shaving beforehand and knew from that experience that it was right but I wanted it to be permanent like a woman would experience, not some guy stubble... that was too fake for me. I wanted to use no makeup or light foundation like so many women, not cakey makeup to cover stubble, stubble which I never ever successfully grew out, I never liked. So finally getting laser fixed a lot of things for me. That step was a huge huge win for me.
From that, everything rolled forward. I went to gender therapy, came out more and more. Got my rhino a year later... the rhino I'd put off decades earlier because I was infected with the expectations and impressions of others and was totally not listening to what I wanted. I actually initially went to electrolysis to remove hair that laser was missing but after a few electrolysis appointments, it fell right into beard/facial hair removal via electrolysis which, by the way, despite having done full body with laser, the step of facial hair removal with electrolysis had all of the same anxieties as before laser's first zap... perhaps slightly less anxiety but still there. All to say, despite having done chest/legs etc., staring facial hair was, for all intents and purposes, yet another big step as if I'd not done the other stuff... on the electrolysis table, after the first electrolysis zaps on my face, I knew it was right.
I have not looked back!
Key: I accepted all decisions were my own and was willing to live with any mistakes. That's required to make big life decisions. I may "buy the house" and realize it's not right for me afterwards. Welcome to the world. What I realize is my sense of things and wisdom is better than it appears. Sitting on life's couch to avoid all corner cases is a painful sad life. As well, the negativity based on the expectations of others was mostly disconnected with my sense of what was right for me. I was being driven, not in my own driver's seat. But the key point here: All of my decisions are using my best wisdom and I own them lock stock and barrel... the joy is that I'm making great choices and becoming happy... I'm taking risks in a responsible way and reaping the benefits.
My recommended order is only to myself based on my own experience, so I share it not as a prescription, but as hopefully something which might offer you something to think about. In order of occurrence...
- Shaving at home, home depilatories, perhaps epilation. I did not like any of these but they were also good first learning steps. I wasted a lot of money on depilatories. A waste, but I learned something I guess. I also did get to experience hair removal with epilation but it was short lived... I didn't want masculine maintenance and appearance.
- Laser of legs and/or chest. This is relatively safe as it's least visible. If you feel regret afterwards, you can still function in the male world since many men get such hair removal (I say this because it's not unreasonable for primary concerns to be what others think... so I say this in relation to that dilemma... if one is unsure boy mode is gone forever). I actually went for legs/chest/face laser at once, but laser was ineffective on my facial hair so it was sort of like facial hair removal never happened with laser, just legs/chest. Also, laser most always requires multiple sessions, so one can always try a session to see how one feels afterwards. Given the first session may not zap everything, one can always back off if desired. It's important to remember that—even if unlikely—laser doesn't guarantee a first session will not remove all affected hair, so be prepared for that rare occurrence on a single session. I'm just saying the likelihood that such will not happen can be part of evaluating risks and points where one and try and stop or continue.
- Electrolysis for touchup of the former laser.
- Electrolysis for full face.
- Live joyously after having righted things.
Best of luck... hope the above wasn't too verbose. Thank you!
